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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hi everybody, so here is my complicated issue. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months. We do not live together but we see each other almost every night. He is totally in love with me to the fullest, and I could be, but I am not. i do love him, but i am not drop dead crazy about him, and i think that is because of a few things that i will now explain: When we first got together he said he would call and wouldnt, later saying it was becuase he worked so much and he fell asleep. He would say he would come over and end up not coming, he would break plans, etc. All of that made him seem to be a cheater and a liar, or so i thought, and so i tried to break up with him about 4 months into the relationship. he was crushed and told me how much he loved me, etc so i didnt end up breaking up with him. Well it turns out that, yes, he literally works all the time. He owns his own business and he works 24/7 - it's true i promise. I have verified it. He also falls asleep the second he sits down and he is a deep sleeper. So of course my family and friends dont like him because they all think he is a liar anda cheater, but I know now that he literally is trying to keep his business alive and it is taking him over. But he tries every chance he gets to see me (which is usually late at night) So, for the 10 months we have been together i have had this built up animosity from all of the times he hasnt called, etc. also, we dont get to do much, we see each other often because he comes over late at night when he is done working (i cant go to his house becuase itis moldy and i have bad lungs - just a side note), but we never go see movies, out to dinner, etc. he just doesnt have time or energy. alll of these factors have gotten in teh way of me just falling madly in love with him and i wonder if i should just end it? I hold grudges so it is hard for me to let things go. but the big thing is that something inside of me is saying "you dont want this type of life." - with him working all the time and stuff like that. Also, i am a very deep and emotional person with a lot of "dark" problems and he just doesnt get that side of me. at all. i try to talk w/ him about things and he is so light hearted and just cant take them seriously. OK here is the kicker. I lived with roommates for the first about 8 months we were together- one was my best friends younger brother. he really really likes me and he "gets" me on that level that my boyfriend doesnt get. he would purposely watch tv shows that he knows i want to watch, he buys food that he knows i like, he does things for me without even mentioning it. he just does things that show loud and clear that he cares about me more than anybody else does. so i kinda fell for him but i didnt act on it because i had a boyfriend.. and recently we all moved out of that apartment, so now i dont live w/ him anymore, but we still talk. he is a very quiet person, but everything he does is to please me. he literally makes my heart melt because nobody has ever done those small things for me before, ever and he does it because he wants to. SO I AM SO CONFUSED. I really want to spend time with him. I love it. BUT i have a boyfriend. so do i ditch my boyfriend that is "totally in love with me" and go for the guy that makes me heart beat funny? I think i just answered my own question, but i need someone elses opinion. i have not spoken of this to anyone at all in my life. One more factor, my boyfriend is 5 years older than me, and the other guy is 8 years younger than me and not doing anything w/ his life... my one side not to that is i have NEVER cared about money, it means absolutely nothing in the end. i am fine making little money and struggling to get by as long as i have meaningful relationships - because that is what matters. that also helps to explain how i feel about my boyfriend and his constant work and the other guy and his kind heart just out to show me that he cares. im so upset, ive been thinking about this for months and just want it to all be over.





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