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Relationship Health Message Board


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I am 20, she is 18. We've been together for a year and nine months.

But i have a huge problem, whenever guys check her out or hit on her, i feel such a rush of insecurities and other problems. She handles it really well, and doesnt go along with it. But to me, it really kills me. I feel really insecure about our relationship, then i start to hate the way i look more than i already do, and then i just get really mad. Sometimes i even take it out on her, and i always apologize for it because she has no control over it.

The problem comes from our rough start to the relationship, and my already low self esteem. She is gorgeous, and im honestly pretty ugly. So you can imagine that i rarely (if ever) received any kind of attention in my life.

I know the right way to think is that i should feel good that other people want her, and i should feel good that she has been mine for a year and nine months, and that means something, and she isnt going along with the things they say.

I know that is the RIGHT way to think, but when the situation occurs, the problem is really bad for 10 minutes, and then lingers on for an hour or two more. Is there any way to make this not bother me? I know all the ways i should see it, but when the time comes, i can never handle it right.
See i USED to be controlling, and i very rarely get mad at her anymore. In fact, it happened yesterday, and pretty badly. It was one of those situations where this isnt a single thing i can do except bite my tongue and forget about it.

When we are out in public, its a lot easier for me to just put my arm around her, kiss her, etc, to get the guys to back off. But she said so i dont feel like she is hiding anything, she can let me know when someone comes on to her and how she handles it. And we work together, so i've seen her in action plenty of times. She does it very well, if its not bad she politely ignores it and acts uninterested, but if it begins to get bad she will basically walk away, or if she HAS to be there (for example work), then she talks about her boyfriend all the time and how great things are with us.

And Realguy, you're completely right. Thats how her mentality used to be, and i was with her through it at first. You're completely right, and she told me many times thats the case. But its difficult trying to feel special, when the only thing i heard was stuff she has done with other guys, and etc. But im on the way to recovering, slowly but surely. When guys come on to her it doesnt bother me nearly as much (i used to be awful), im not controlling, neither is she, we dont say things to hurt each other anymore. Its a million times better, and it only keeps getting better.

But whats weird is that a long time ago, when i had past relationships (which were very short, not serious at all, and i was ultimately used in one way or another), i never cared when guys came on to them. At all. But i know i actually care about her this time (every other time i was in the relationship because i needed to feel normal during high school). Let alone, early on in THIS relationship, i didnt care when guys came on to her either. But i think it was the rough start to the relationship that brought on this problem.

You guys think i can heal it completely? I've come a super long way so far.





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