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Relationship Health Message Board

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Re: Man's story
Jan 1, 2009
I think you have to weigh the pros and cons and be fair to her and to yourself. I think your situation might be a little different from the woman's in the thread that Bea directed you to in that the woman didn't say anything at all about who this man was and what made him so wonderful to stay with for two years except that he loved her and would do anything for her. Personally, I don't think the fact that someone will DO anything for you is enough of a basis for a real relationship.

Now, you say this woman is super, a gem. Why? Is it just because she caters to your needs and wants, and does whatever you want? Is that all that makes her super, or is it more? How do you feel about her as a person? How do you feel about how she goes about her life? How she treats her family and friends? How she feels about, the environment, children, charities, does she share your enthusiasm for things you love, like sports, hobbies, movies, books, etc. how about who she voted for and why? Do youl admire that or do you think she was stupid for supporting the causes/party/candidate she did?

In short, what't the BASIS of your relationship? If the only reason you're with her is because she never argues with you, treats you well and does everything for you, but you find yourself getting bored when she talks about things that matter to her, you hate her friends, you don't miss her when she's away except when you notice that she would have doen this or that for you, then I would say you haven't found "the one" yet and keep looking. Let her down gently and keep looking for a woman who fits the bill more. BUT...if the basis of your relationship is that you love, admire and respect who she is, the way her heart and mind work, you understand and respect and admire her moral/world/social/political views and she feels the same about you, then throwing her away because of a few pounds could be a big mistake. Now, you're a man, and it's generally much easier for men to find people to date, especially after a certain age, than it is for women, so if having a skinny woman is that important to you, no matter what's going on in her head or heart, then that's something you have to work out for yourself.

Sit yourself down and figure out for yourself what exactly do you want from a relationship, any relationship. What's really important to you, and how much of that does this woman fit?

You ARE right not to bring it up to her, though. You're her boyfriend, not her dad, her doctor or her personal trainer. It's not your job to tell her to lose weight or how much. You just need to figure out what you have in her, what you really want in a woman, and what you'd be losing if you lost her, and do what feels right in your heart.

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