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Re: At a loss
Jan 2, 2009
[QUOTE=klava;3835738]3 semesters left means a year and a half (or a year if you count summer as a semester)... Kind of long to be putting up with this feeling like a fifth wheel. You know, people leave schooling for a few years and come back all the time. People switch to evening classes, working during the day. Nothing is written in stone. Feeling like a doormat for a year more - I don't know if the last 3 semesters are worth it. The school will still be standing there ina year, two years. They will still be eager to collect their tuition from you. Do you know what suppressed stress can cause in people? Autoimmune diseases, cancer, shingles, psoriasis, you name it.[/QUOTE]

Is he really upset about something? Is he just acting hurt about something?

OR...I must agree, it does sound like he thinks he is stuck and there is no way out.

Is it just me, or does it seem to be a trend with guys to act distant and mean to get you to break up with them INSTEAD of being honest, open, and breaking up with you so they don't seem like the bad person???

I am in a situation similar to yours, as I am still in school and my newly wed husband wants out (though he won't go about it; instead he treats me like crap so I'll do it?). But where am I to go? I have ONE semester left in school. ONE! And I have to agree with klava.

I cry every single day. Every time I see him it likes I am getting dumped all over again. Whenever I cook or clean or do the laundry, I feel like I am being used. I want to be intimate with him, but when I'm in the mood, he rejects me. When he is in the mood, he uses me.

I feel miserable, depressed, and everytime I see him I either get tricked into having false hope that maybe one day he would treat me good and love me, or get nauseas. My diet sucks because I am so sad (emotional eater), i have developed acid reflux from the stress (and probably poor diet), and pretty much have diarrhea because of the stress. Also, my immune responses are decreased from the anxiety and depression, so I can't even fight the common cold. I get sick so easily. Luckily, I still do some gentle exercise when the headaches from crying my soul out aren't too paralyzing. I can't see as well from all the crying and lack of sleep.

I have nightmares every single night (if I am lucky enough to fall asleep). I am in a constant state of panic. The sadness, anger, and hurt fuel hatred inside of me. I am antisocial. I don't call my friends back, and I am distant from my family. My schoolwork seems impossible to do, and I stumble all the way through it. I am not giving it the attention it deserves. I could do so much better if it weren't for the overwhelming hell I am experiencing.

MY POINT in listing MY Issues, is to show you what you might have to face if you stay. And if you stay, it is going to rot you inside. YOu will feel like you are rotting from the inside out, that your veins pump poision into your heart and acid reaks havoc on your lungs and your brain and...do you get my point?

I have been saying for the longest time I could put up with it, I could make it through the rest of my schooling. And maybe you can. But living this horrible emotional existence where I feel like I am tortured over and over again every single day is just no way to live. I'll never get these days back once they are gone. That really tore me up on new years...

I agree with the others that school will always be there, but I don't know what kind of program you are in. I couldn't delay mine for just a semester because of the way the program is laid out...it would have to be for at least a year before I could readmit. On the upside, maybe it won't be as hard to stay when school is in session because you will be at school all day and doing homework at night. And on the weekends, go to the park, the library, see a movie by yourself. It's hard, but just get away from him as best you can.

HOWEVER, if you MUST stay, then you will need some tips to cope.
1) Forgive him. How? I dunno. Just do it. Decide you aren't going to let it eat you alive. So you learned the hard way that there are horrible dawgs on this planet that will treat you like the crappiest crap there is, even if you were perfect and beautiful. Just accept it. It is what it is. Realize that God has a plan for your life. And that if it doesn't include this dawg, then obviously it includes someone better for you! Think about it! Isn't it exciting to know that there is a relationship where you can be treated wonderfully??!? Also, I'd dump bis butt now and move on while I'm still in school and have opportunity to meet someone new...can't do that if you're committed to your cold, distant bf.
2) Time & space. Give him the time and space (and respect) to work his crap out on his own. I know it's hard residing in the same house, but tell him that you free him from being your lover, and that because you care about him so much, you are here to support him as a friend. But make sure you know the difference between friend and lover---friends don't have sex, ok? Cause if you are still having sex with him, that would make you lovers... And in giving him time & space, you'll be focusing more attention on your goals and LESS on him/the failed relationship and thus making yourself less vulnerable to his maltreatment and making yourself available to the right guy and more desirable because you have a life of your own!
3) Get a habit. Something you can do consistently everytime you miss him, feel awful, hate yourself, want to hurt him, etc. etc. Putting on some non-romantic music, wathcing COMEDIES (not romance comedies), reading books (non romantic) or going for a walk help me.
4) And remember, it's all a matter of time. A few years from now, this will all be behind you. And as the years pass, it will fade even deeper into the nothingness of the past. Yeah, i know, that sounds horrible, but it is true. Time doesn't really HEAL all wounds, it just helps us to forget about them. Our brain can only retain so much...

This is too long! I'll stop here! LOOK FORWARD, not backward. Release yourself from the bonds of your hurt...





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