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So, some of you may have read my older thread, found here:

[url]http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=656676[/url]

For those of you who haven't and are interested in my situation, I'll provide the back story in a post below this one.

Anyhow, here is my update:

I'm miserable. I had a good time on New Years Eve, but ever since then, I've missed the girl horribly. I can't sleep at night. I'm getting like two or three hours. I woke up suddenly last night and tossed and turned for three hours. There are times when I feel borderline manic. And this is now over a year later.

I've come to the conclusion that I think I have to try to contact this girl again. I have to give it one last shot, now that she's divorced. I'm not expecting a positive outcome, but I have to try and deal with the subsequent pain. I feel so awful right now that I don't know that it can get much worse.

The thing is, I have no idea what to say. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to go back to being friends, because I know that it can't go back there. But at the same time, I don't think I can just call her up and tell her I love her and miss her and want to be with her. That would be pretty overwhelming considering we haven't spoken since the end of May of 2008. I'm pretty sure she won't pick up the phone, anyway, so I'll have to leave a message. I thought of just sending a message on the Internet friend's database we're both on (apparently the board won't let me use the real name of it). Again, I have no idea what to say or how to get back in touch with her. I also have no idea what's going on in her life. For some reason, I suspect she has a boyfriend, but I also suspected that immediately after she rejected me and was wrong.

What do I want? I want to be with her. Like I said, I don't think she feels that way now even if she did a year ago, but I have to try.

Please help me find an idea of what I could say or do. I don't want to come on too strong. I'm not looking to deliver a Shakespearean soliloquy. But at the same time, I want to communicate that I want to be with her and not just a friend. Also, I obviously don't want to come off as completely miserable and depressed.

Of course I realize the chances of this ending with me getting what I want are one in a million. I don't expect to get the result I want. So, I guess I'm hoping that if she shoots me down now, I'll finally be able to abandon all hope of us being together and will be able to let go and heal.

The back story is below.





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