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[QUOTE=rosequartz;3844834]ooohhh this is a different woman? LOL do tell!
glad to hear you've painted some beautiful pieces of art! I'm not the least bit creative and i really admire people who are![/QUOTE]

Hi Rosequartz and everyone else,

Sorry I haven’t been back recently. I’ve joined a dating site, under another screen name from the one I use here, and the site runs at the speed of
m-u-d, (about 10 mins per page!) so I’m only too glad to escape the computer!

This incident was very long ago. You no doubt remember me saying that I’ve always had great difficulty in finding a boyfriend and realised this is probably because my father was very unkind to me but my mother went into denial and indoctrinated me with the idea I was in a happy family! So I grew up very wary of families in general and men in particular, and instead showered my love on a horse whom I finally managed to buy.

When I was 26 this much-loved horse dropped dead under me and I fractured my spine in the fall. At the time it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, nevertheless I found many sound cheerful answers and was recovering very nicely (on both fronts) when an acquaintance came to visit me. She began by dwelling on how terrible it was to have a fractured spine. I wasn’t paralysed, but to listen to her, you would have thought it was the end of my active life, with no future of any kind in front of me! I tried every which way to get her to let me cheer up. Nothing worked. I told her that other visitors let me talk about cheerful things, but she seemed to think that was because they simply didn’t care! So she just kept repeating herself!

When I couldn’t stand the gloom any longer I tried to put it in perspective. My lovely horse wasn’t merely injured; she was dead! This woman could not grasp the fact that I was sad about the death of a horse! I tried to stop her from being so callous, but she has the impression that if she drummed heartlessness into me long enough and hard enough I should suddenly agree with her! I was actually dealing with my grief very well indeed in my own way, but of course all she did was to scrape my feelings raw, until I let out an exclamation of pain, and then she blamed me!

My mother stopped me from saying any more, so then this dreadful woman went on about how ‘hurt’ she was that I’d been ‘rude’ and not humbly grateful that Lady Bountiful had come to visit me and dictate how I should ‘recover’! (I was naturally very grateful for visitors who let me handle my feelings in my own way.) However, I was left feeling that even though I had the accident, Lady Bountiful’s feelings were much more important than mine, because she was privileged to complain while I was merely supposed to choke on my feelings with a fixed smile on my face!

Looking back, I see her as socially inept and having some private issue that made her need to believe she could ‘sort’ things for other people, who were accordingly ‘handed the script’ and expected to act their part regardless!

I appreciate Pendulum’s comment about everyone having had some kind of experience that they couldn’t resolve by a method that works for them. I was telling myself something along these lines and it did help me feel better about not reaching closure every time.

The event that broke this train of thought was another story from my more recent past. I met a new friend and somehow found myself telling her. And then I find myself thinking: ’Was it really [U][B]me [/B][/U]who did that!’ And my new friend came looking for me last week because she said what a positive influence I am.

Meanwhile today I was watching Monty Roberts on TV, talking about a horse whom he’d rescued from cruelty and trained to be a champion, and when he described the horse’s death, 26 years ago, he had tears in his eyes and his voice faltered. Long ago the mother of the friend who introduced me to horses put it perfectly; ‘No laughter without tears!’ :angel:

I'll tel you more about artwork another time, because people don't believe me what I say it's not talent that enables me to paint, but positive thinking!





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