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Thanks so much to everybody for the responses. I respect everybody's opinion here and just appreciate so much that people have taken the time to read about my problem and share their own stories. It means SO much.

Mileena42, you are so right. The worst thing to do is cut his mother down in conversation with him. The frustrations with her have definitely come out when talking to my boyfriend from time to time, but I'm gradually learning to keep things to myself a bit more. I still talk to my boyfriend about his mother when she does something ridiculous or upsetting, but I try not to go ballistic and let my blood pressure get up too high when talking about her, lol.

Watersigh, my boyfriend is fully aware of the situation. He has talked to his mother several times in the past and has even sat down with his dad and asked him what he thought was the matter with his mom. Nobody has a clue what her deal is. My boyfriend thinks his mother is being completely unfair, but at the same time doesn't worry himself too much about it because he isn't that close to his parents these days anyway and thankfully, we don't have to see them often. He had gone to bat for me several times with her though and I know he will continue to do it in the future, but I just don't want him to get to the point where he feels like he has to choose his mother or me. His dad and I get along okay - much better than I do with his mother. There are certain quirks about his dad that drive me crazy if I let them, but they are nothing involving the way he treats me. He always hugs me when I see him, tells me how pretty I look, and that he's glad to see both of us and you can practically see my boyfriend's mother's blood boiling the whole time he does it. My boyfriend's sister (she's 23) is a little pawn for her mother. She does call and text me from time to time with the intention of being friendly and I don't think it's all an act, but she definitely fishes for information about things her mother doesn't have the spine to ask about. It's like the mom will call my boyfriend trying to get information about a certain thing (he keeps her out of the loop on his daily life) and if she doesn't get a satisfactory answer, his sister will either call him or text me and work up to asking the same thing the mom is trying to figure out. Otherwise, his sister never calls him. She's in her parent's hip pocket because they pay for everything she wants and needs and she doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket. Though that situation is annoying and my boyfriend's dad has his moments, the two of them PALE IN COMPARISON to the mother, so I cannot complain in any shape, fashion, or form.

The latest development with the mom has happened over the past few days and it really has me in a mood. My boyfriend is scheduled to have surgery on a torn tendon in a few weeks. He and I have the situation handled. We found a doctor, had an MRI done, determined the cause of the problem, and scheduled the surgery...should be the end of the story. But, he called his mother to let her know that he was having the procedure done. I have no problem with that. It's his mother and even though he knows she is nuts, he still loves her and that's only fair that he tells her that. The minute she finds out, she starts criticizing the choice of surgeon and wants to know exactly who he is and what his specialty is, where he went to medical school, if he is board certified, etc. I have worked in the medical field and I know a good doctor when I see one. He told his mother that I had researched it all and knew that the surgeon is competent. Yet, she INSISTED that my boyfriend email her a link to the medical practice's website where she could see a profile on the doctor doing the surgery!

She hounded him about it so much that he finally broke down and agreed. She was "appalled" when she saw the doctor. He has been ranked the best surgeon in his class two years in a row in this state, practiced at John's Hopkins (which is one of the best surgical hospitals in the country), and even spent some time at Harvard. The man isn't stupid or ill qualified. So why was she appalled? Because he's from INDIA! She thinks that because the doctor is Indian he can't perform a proper tendon repair surgery.

As if I wasn't furious enough about that, she has insisted on driving down the day of the surgery. I'm guessing she feels like I'm not competent enough to handle things while my boyfriend is in surgery and that she needs to supervise matters. She demanded my boyfriend put her down as a contact on his medical paperwork prior to the surgery so she could have full access to any information and insurance stuff that she THINKS she needs to have her nose in the middle of.

While my boyfriend recovers and is in a cast, he is going to stay with my family. He is so close to them that he considers them his own family, which also pisses his mom off to no end. I really think she is jealous of the relationship he has developed with my family in the two years we have been together because it is a closer-knit one than they have been able to foster with him in 25 years! Anyway, his sister called him today to tell him that his mom's feelings were really hurt because he didn't even ask her about coming home while he was recovering. Why in the world would he want to drive two hours away after having surgery to sit around with a bunch of people that can do nothing but gripe at him and make his life miserable for six weeks while he is healing? Plus, my family is so large and live so close together, that if he needed anything at all, there would be somebody around at all times of the day and night. If he was with his family, there would never be anyone around. His parents both work from 7 AM to 6 PM. His sister is away at college and there is nobody else around. If he was hungry or needed to get up and go to the bathroom during the day, he'd just have to starve and hold it because nobody would be there to help him until 6 or 7 PM. Doesn't sound like the ideal set up.

His mom emailed him later today (after obviously putting his sister up to calling him) and told him that she understood why he would want to stay here with me and my family nearby because it was more convenient and probably safer because there were people around to help him. I just can't believe her. The woman is not happy unless she is mad or has her feelings hurt! It should be interesting seeing her at the hospital on surgery day, for sure. Thankfully, my parents will be there (my family has never met his, so that might be a little awkward, but I'm not too concerned) to keep me company because I'm certain his mother will have very little to say to me.

What's a girl to do when she can't get a break? I just keep repeating the same mantra to myself: kill her with kindness, kill her with kindness, kill her with kindness.

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