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Relationship Health Message Board

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I was in this situation about 12 years ago. I actually was roommates with the guy and we became involved. He told me he was divorced, and they had a son, who was 4, and that he would be spending a night or two over there to babysit while she worked late shift.

It didnt bother me until we were "together" and then I always thought it was wierd that he wouldnt anwer his pager when he was there, and would say he was coming home but if he didnt "he always slept on the couch."

I finally got smart because the same thing was going on as in your situation, and I called her at work. I knew where she worked.
I called her and told her who I was and did she know that we were in a relationship, because I wanted her to feel comfortable knowing her son was over once in awhile, ect. [He would always meet her downstairs in the lobby, we lived in a highrise] And she came uncorked. She told me they were still married, only separated, and that he was telling her he wanted to work it out, ect. The nights he was over there spending the night, of course, they were sleeping together, ect. She was always off work at 5pm, she didnt even work a late shift.

WEll, when he found out he about crapped. He was working out of town, [a job that I foud out later allowed him to have even MORE women he was involved with] it was a mess. I ran so fast and he just couldnt believe that I called his wife and she dumped him too, but only for a bit.

Then a few years back someone told me that they got back together, and now they are divorced. Dumping him was the best thing I ever did in my life. He was one of those guys that if you caught him in something he would fly into a rage. I also had an ex who was in law enforcement who ran him, because after I left him he was stalking me and making threats. I really upset his plan. He had domestic viloence stuff way back with other women while he was married, ect.

I knew in my heart that he was doing something, and I was tired of being his little secret. I wasnt to anyone else, but I was to her thats for sure.
Im just telling you my story. Dont take being the "dirty secret." Usually if you are being kept a secret its for a huge reason. Personally, I think hes playing both ends. Everything youve said is exactly the same stuff this jerk was telling me, to the "T".

Good luck, if he gets all defensive, then you either have your answer, of if hes all calm then hes pretty smooth. SEVEN months??? Tell him if you cant meet the kid and his ex, then you are out the door. I hope Im wrong for your sake, I really do. I just hope that he doenst think you being so young means that you are clueless and wont catch on IF he is doing something wrong. He does need to make a choice to either make you a healthy part of his life or let you find someone else who will. I agree that its hard when a man has kids because they will always come first. Believe me, I have a son, and he will always come first. But my hubby now knows that, he has kids from a previous, as well, and you just have to deal and I agree, find a balance.

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