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Relationship Health Message Board

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Well, first of all, I don't really think that rational advice and "OMG he's cheating" advice are mutually exclusive.

My ex boyfriend had a roommate who had a lovely, sweet girlfriend, that he loved on some level but just wasn't that into. She told me what a good heart he had and how wonderful she thought he was and how much she loved him and she trusted him completely. Well, an "old ex girlfriend" came to town to visit and he told this sweet girlfriend not to call or come around while she was here because his mom would be here too and even though it was over, she still had feelings for him and if his gf contacted him at all, the ex would through a fit and that would upset his mom, blah blah blah. The truth was, he just wanted to enjoy hanging out with and sleeping with his ex girlfriend while she was in town without having the current girlfriend around to complicate things. Oh, and by the way, his mother was never there, and never planned to be.

I don't know this guy so I can't tell you if he's cheating or planning to cheat or not. I think the best advice is for you to just listen to your gut. If you feel disrespected and feel like you are being pushed aside, then you probably are. SEt some fair healthy boundaries and if he crosses them, he's out. That may sound harsh, but I think that's really the only way to really be self respecting and not have these iffy kinds of situations that will drive you mad.

Just to clarify, so you're saying he DOES have his own apartment, but he will be staying at his parents' house with her while she's here? Have I got that right? I personally think that exes have no business sleeping under the same roof especially when significant others will not be around. I'd tell him I would be much more comfortable if she were to stay in a hotel, or if he does have his own apartment, that he stay there while she stays at his folks', or whatever. If he hems and haws and doesn't consider or respect your feelings, I'd say that's a big red flag.

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