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Interested or not?
Jan 11, 2009
I'm posting here, hoping to get some advice and your thoughts. I apologize this is long. Well, I came out of a failed relationship well over a year now. It's been extremely difficult for me to recover & move on. I haven't even thought about moving onto another relationship. I'm trying to work on myself, resolve my own issues before bringing someone else into my life. So, I have not dated all this time.

I'm usually at work about 30 minutes before I need to be there, so for awhile, I'd just sit in my car, listen to the radio, and really just think, because I had so much on my mind. There's this guy, who normally parked his car near me. I'd be in my car and if there was eye contact between the two of us, he'd always smile. I didn't think anything of it, just figured, oh he's just being friendly so I'll be friendly in return. Plus, I was too consumed with being all sad with my issues. I guess last June or so, I started with this activities committee at work. It was made up of people from other departments. We had our 1st meeting and that is where I officially met the guy, Joe. Even though I had seen him before, I didn't know his name, nor did I know which department he worked in. He didn't know me either.

So, ever since we officially met, we started talking to each other when we both arrive at the parking lot at the same time and walk in together. I'm always just so slow in getting myself together and out of the car! I've noticed that Joe would come up to me and wait for me, to walk in with me. On a rainy day, he had no umbrella and I did. I meant to share it with him, but he ended up holding it for me, keeping me dry, while he dealt with the rain. He'd always use his badge to open the door let me in the building before him. When we talk, it's usually "surface" talk (hello, how are you, etc) mainly because we have a very short walk from our cars to the door. Sometimes, we reach the building and end up standing at the steps, talking for another few minutes before parting ways. I look into his eyes, and I have felt a connection, I have thought, oh he's cute, wonder if he's single. If he has a gf, she's lucky because he seems sweet. I got into an accident a few weeks ago and I have some damages to my bumper. One day, I saw him and he asked me if I was rear ended or something because he noticed the damages. Unless you really look at my car, you wouldn't notice it. A few months ago, I missed a committee meeting and in my absence, he volunteered me for one of the subcommittes that he was on, then in an email, told me he did that, and said he hoped it was OK. He missed a different meeting, and ended up on other subcommittes. He later in an email was like, "hey i'm not on any of those subcommittees with you, what's up with that?" We had a summer picnic at work and I saw him from a distance, but he didn't see me. Later in an email, he asked if I was out at the picnic because he didn't see me. Sometimes we exchange emails back and forth when work is slow.

About a week ago, I went to his department with another co-worker/female friend Jamie, to say hello to another friend Adam. Adam and Joe work in the same department and actually sit close to each other. Adam was not at his desk and so I asked Joe if he had seen him. I ended up introducing Jamie to Joe. Jamie and I ended up parting ways, while I was still at Joe's desk. As she walked away, she kept mouthing to me (from a distance), "he's so cute!"

I didn't really start taking an interest in Joe until this incident. I guess I'm thinking, maybe it's time I move on, and be open to other possibilities around me, rather than dwell on the past. I always thought Joe was good looking and seemed like a good guy. But, how do I know if he's interested in me, or if he's just being polite? I think he's single, but I don't know for sure. He's a quiet guy and keeps to himself so it is hard to read him sometimes. Also, I'm the kind of gal that usually waits for the guy to take the 1st step. Simply put, I'm afraid of rejection. But again, he seems shy, so who knows if he'll ever ask me out. So my question, is he interested in me and if so, how can I let him know I am interested in return without blatantly telling him? I'd just really like the opportunity to get to know him better, in a setting where we can have a more lengthy conversation.
It is hard to know if he is interested in you when you don't know if he is married or what. Don't you think perhaps you need someone in your life that you don't have to second guess what his intentions are. If this guy is just as messed up as you maybe it would be wise to just keep working on yourself and now be open to a relationship but not with the most bashful?/married?/messed up?/ guy at work. Work relationships never work out and then you are stuck and someone always gets hurt and then the office is full of gossip. You can't really afford that kind of scrutiny with your self esteem issues. This guy maybe cute but he somehow is not 'available' or he would of been knocking on 'your door' long before now...move on...quick.
He's interested in you. What more convincing do you need from him?
Take it slow. Work relationships are dicey. H e may be simply attracted to you or looking for easy sex from the woman at work who has low self esteem.
Many men can pick up on that fact.

Try working on your self esteem a little. Questioning the "why me" intention of a guy who simply is being nice to you. Isn't a healthy way to begin any relationship.

Ask him to lunch. Get to know him. If you connect. Do not have sex with him for awhile. His reaction will show you his true intentions.

Most of all. Leave your past relationship. In the past. He deserves that from you.
[QUOTE=realguy;3848870]He's interested in you. What more convincing do you need from him?.[/QUOTE]

Uuuummmmm....well, him asking her out would be pretty convincing. But he hasn't done that.


[QUOTE=realguy;3848870]Take it slow. Work relationships are dicey. H e may be simply attracted to you or looking for easy sex from the woman at work who has low self esteem.
Many men can pick up on that fact.
[/QUOTE]

Which is kind of why as a general rule, I think being the first one to make moves and ask the guy out is not such a great idea. He may think "oh hey, great, free, no-strings sex. She must be desperate if she's begging me to go out with her." Which is why it's always tricky when the woman asks the man out. If he's all that interested, he'd have asked her out by now.

But perhaps just "hey, you wanna grab a sandwich/burger at that place across the street for lunch?" couldn't hurt. Just make sure to not do all the heavy lifting and remember that a guy will gladly let you take him out and will gladly have sex with you if you want it, but that does not constitute a relationship nor does it mean he's into you at all. Ask him to lunch but then let him make the next move.
[QUOTE=Redneon82;3894942]Well, in my current relationship I made the first move and we've been dating for almost 4 years...so it can happen. This particular guy just didn't think I'd ever be interested in him so he never asked. Also, my husband, whom I was with for 14 years, thought the same thing...that I was way out of his league (LOL!) and so he didn't ask. I had to practically knock him over the head to let him know I was interested. And as you can see, he married me, so he obviously wasn't just after easy sex.
[/QUOTE]

Yes, of course it's not a hard and fast rule, and everyone is different. I'm not a particularly strikingly beautiful woman, not the kind of woman that walks into a room and every man drops his teeth thinking "wow, I could never get a woman like that." I'm just an average Jane, and I have absolutely no idea what it's like to have a real man of quality think he's not good enough for me. A lot of us have never experienced that. I've had flirting and making the first, or one of the first moves, lead to a guy thinking I was an easy leg over and he could get in my pants no problem, or it's led to that frozen look of horror in a man's eyes when he realizes a woman he has no interest in is interested in him. But I have never once experienced a good man thinking he's not in my league. I think for really beautiful, remarkable women that men naturally think are out of their league, those women do have to work harder at showing men they are just girls looking for a nice guy, and they do have to make the first moves sometimes. But for us average Janes, I think things work a little differently. You have to let a guy see your personality, your warmth, get to know you and your wit, warmth, and likeability, and then take your cue from how he responds.





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