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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hey I really just wanted to get need to get over something that happened lately with my boyfriend as I am worried that I may let the issue spiral out of control as I do have a tendency to over think at times and can easily put a negative spin on a situation.
Luckily my boyfriend is the opposite, and is a saint. He realises when I am stressing and making a mountain out of a molehill. Heís extremely laid back, and I am a bit of a worrier. I know it, he knows it.

I havenít been too successful in my last two relationships and have been very hurt. I have lived with both guys and both times moved home after the relationship broke down Ė I am not sure if this is why I feel insecure and sensitive at times, but when I am feeling insecure, negative feelings can easily come flooding back and try to overspill into my current relationship, which is the best thing that has happened to me by the way.

We have been together properly for around a year, we met about 4 mths after my last relationship, last july. We dated and kept things cool as I had decided to use the money from my house sale to go off travelling for 3months at the end of the year.
I came back march 2008. We stayed faithful whilst I was away and he supported me throughout.

Since I have been back we have spend a great deal of time together, weíve had the best year and have got closer and close. He lives with two other guys, but wants me over all the time. We love spending time together and get on brilliantly. I pretty much live at his flat and we donít seem to tire of each others company. This year has been wonderful, our relationship has gone from strength to strength and he is always saying how happy he is and how much I mean to him. He is so sweet, loving and affectionate and I feel very lucky. He remembers the date we met and took me out for a meal, he has made a huge effort with my family and friends, and taken me to meet all of his family. He spent xmas and new year with me and in November of this year he took me to NY,

However, he hasnít ever told me he loves me which is okay I guess. I know not everyone says it, and people donít always fall in love with each other at same time but I am a little miffed. He has never had a proper relationship before, so is probably discovering all of this for the first time, which is unfortunate as I have and have been hurt . This probably makes me more inclined to need to here it.

I have told him a couple of times that I loved him, but he said that he hadnít been in this situation before, and although he likes it and it makes him happy he doesnít know quite what to say. I left it. This was in august (around a year after we first met) Then New Year just gone I told him again, and that I wanted to tell him but I dint want him to feel pressured but I believe if you feel it you should say it. He said a similar thing to before, and said he isnít saying he doesnít love me, and is 80% there but just wants to be sure. Again I left it.

Then last week we had a little misunderstanding about something he had done and as I was a bit pmtíd and had January blues, a friend just got engaged and it just felt a bit  I bough it up. I said I felt sad he couldnít say it back. I felt it and also felt that I couldnít do anymore to make him love me and feel it back. I said I thought we were on different pages, and maybe we would never get there. Mistake.

He couldnít understand where all this feelings about our relationship had come from. He said he loved being with me, he loved having me as his girlfriend and that he was sorry if I felt upset but he wasnít going to say it if he didnít mean it.
He said he felt like if he said it, I might want to push things on and maybe he isnít ready, maybe he wont ever be ready he just dosnt know. He canít say when or if and said Iím sorry I canít give you a guarantee, noone can. Itís a gamble. But I donít want this to end, I love being with you and I have never been happier. He said he felt love between us and its just a time thing no doubt.

This was last Friday, under a week ago and although weíve been acting as normal and he is as loving as ever, even talking about holidays this year but I feel deflated. Like maybe I have ruined it. Has it backfired and will he ever feel the same? Should I feel alarmed or should I just carry on as before.

I really really would appreciate some advice, some perspective before I talk myself into a horrible dark negative solution that may not be the case at all.

Thanks so much.





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