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Relationship Health Message Board


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I have no idea how to post a question on here, but I will attempt to here and if I am wrong, I think someone will send me in the right direction. Here is my situtaion. I am 37 and had recently come out of the closet to my entire family with the help of a person I am in love with. I couldnt keep it locked up any longer. We had had a friendship that turned into more and she is married, has 4 kids. She lives overseas and I have been there almost 5 months out of last year. I stayed with her and her family and the affair has happened right under her husbands nose. She has totally changed into a new person and has even been told by many people, as well as myself and losing 60 pounds as well. She doesnt want to divorice from her husband because (she says) the kids. She wants me to move there and be close to her so we can live out our lives being close and be this "MORE THAN FRIENDS" life we have. I have a conflict with the hiding it part which she did to at first and she actually wanted to tell her husband first and we talked and since she had no support we decided she should wait till I was there. Well, since then, I have told everyone that I know and now she doesnt want to tell him. Everyone wonders why her husband cant even see the change in her or if he thinks is just because she has a good friend now. She now wants to make it clear to me that there are rules and boundaries to us. She wants me to know that after I move there she can see me if she has time and she wants us to go out like we are a couple and keep being intimate like we are, but thats it. She said we will never live together and she will never leave him. If I mention to her that if it didnt work out I could still date there and we can still be friends, she said to me that we couldnt because it would be to hard for her because everytime she seen me, she would want to kiss me and be with me. I will sometimes try to ask her questions and if I do I am attacking her all the time, its like I cant ask her any questions or make any rules to this so called "MORE THAN FRIENDS" relationship. I feel as if she is the one who sets the rules and boundaries for us and if I dont like them then thats to bad and I just need to deal with it. I know I am in a tough situtation anyways with the affair. I sometimes wonder what happened. She saught me out and found me and she was the one that fell in love with me first and had feelings. She also was just having an online affair with a man before I came along, but he broke it off with her saying he couldnt trust her. Which, she never said he was wrong, but just stated that fact. I dont understand a lot of this. I cant seem to seperate this love for her. Its like, I love her and love her so much I want to be with her and dont know if I can do a part time thing, I dont know if I want to. I dont understand how someone can love someone so much and not be more than what we are. I dont know if I am just giving her part of her life that she is just lacking and I am more of a fill in for her or what. I mean, its a lot to do to move overseas for someone you are only going to be a part time lover, friend for. I am back and forth with this love I have for her and do I just let it go and move on here and not have to hide who I am or go and just live out this part time love affair for the rest of my life. My heart and head are fighting on it and it seems horrible. Any advice out there?





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