It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Your story is one of the reasons why I will not bend to my boyfriend. I have given my decision a lot of thought, and while I realize your mum sort of had an era against her at the time (being expected to have children as a sort of social rule, I mean), I do not want to end up resenting or not caring for my children in any way. Kids should be born into homes where *both* parents want them, not when one wants them and the other does not. And I have a feeling maybe your mum wasn't too keen on being the one to raise children she did not entirely want. I'm preaching to the choir, I know. Sorry about that. But your mom's story is not unique, as there are many women as well as men who have kids because their partners want them and who end up being not the greatest parents in the world due to their initial desire to not procreate.

I'm on my way to being a career woman myself. I've never had the yearning some ladies have to be SAHMs or homemakers or housewives. I intend to get the best education I can possibly get because my work is also my passion and I want to learn as much about it as I can in a professional setting. There would really just be no room in my life for kids.

I guess I'm fearful of having this talk with BF because I'm scared of causing him pain and I'm afraid I will lose him. I wouldn't be scared if I didn't love him. I feel like he's my soul mate in all ways but this, and it is totally rotten that there's a chance we might need to split. I know I'm just delaying the inevitable, but I know it's a conversation we will have someday. He knows it and I know it. I guess I just don't know how to broach the issue...apparently, he might not either.

Something that threw me, though...when BF and I had our last kids talk, he told me that he did not want or expect me to bend to his wishes. I don't intend to do so either. If he was really definitely keen on fatherhood, would he not be trying to change my mind? He said he did [B]not[/B] want me to change my mind...he is so hard to understand sometimes. I wish I had the guts to just outright ask him about this instead of trying to read his vague statements from the past.
I was googling some info on douching and blah blah and I happened upon this site. You were very vocal in the forum and I felt like I kinda related to you back in that particular thread: Very insecure about myself, threatened by the idea of letting anyone in, and afraid of things going wrong while I was learning about who I was becoming. (And yes, I tried very unsuccessfully with plain yogurt as well... :P) Anyways... I had to join this site just to ask you a question. I'm not trying to be a creeper, but I compiled a few quotes... Here you go:

"I do not plan on becoming sexually active...EVER. No husband (or wife), no boyfriend, nothing. I want nothing to do with that sickening practice people perform; I have never felt any kind of sexual feelings toward anyone, not even my boyfriend. What can I say? I simply cannot be turned on. And I'm glad, because sex leads to all sorts of problems; I think the bad stuff outnumbers the good that comes from sex."
4-1-2004: 6:57 PM

At this point, you were clearly not keen on the idea of ever becoming sexually active. Yet...

"Well then I guess DBF best get used to using condoms for the rest of his life. It's too bad since I would definitely like to not bother with them and rely on Essure, but since he can't deal with me being sterile, he'll have to deal with those lovely latex sheaths forever."
1-18-2009: 3:49 AM

Here, you've clearly changed your mind although you were definitely set in your ways. I've gone through a lot of self-realization in the past few months, along with feelings of repressed sexual urge and depression because I didn't have a partner and never thought I'd be comfortable with anyone to ever even want sex. But now I'm a lot happier with my current boyfriend and yes, we're very active. I feel a lot like you. Now... I'm not trying to sway your opinions or anything, but please re-read your words here:

"I'm 21, and I've known I didn't want children for as long as I can remember. I have a laundry list of reasons for not wanting them. And trust me, I've heard all the sayings like "You'll change your mind!" and "You're too young to make that decision" and "Any woman who doesn't want kids must be mentally ill/a lesbian/unable to find anyone to sleep with her" and so on. I know it might be hard to take me seriously since a lot of women do want babies or start off not wanting kids and then have the dreaded mind change that make the genuine CFers look like flakes, but I know this is what's right for me."
1-19-2009: 2:35 PM

I understand that you want to never have kids. But who knows? Look what five years did to your opinions about even having sex! When I was first going through puberty, I thought that if I put enough foreign objects into my vagina, maybe I'd develop an infection that would forever stop my periods. I was so unhappy and upset. Imagine if I'd actually gone through with that? I'd be a wreck. I was thinking just far enough ahead to try to alleviate my current worries, but it would never solve the real problem of being happy with who I am.

You're very obstinate about remaining a woman but never becoming a mother. Alright, great. But what I'm saying is this: Do not burn bridges. Do things that can help the problem now (like birth control, it's great, and you don't need those lovely latex sheaths :P). [B]Today, it seems that the one thing on every woman's mind is the right to choose, so why are you limiting yourself right now? Do not eliminate your options early on![/B] If you make yourself sterile and then in ten years you have a change of heart and you and your significant other desire a child to complete your family, you'll be up the creek with no paddle. As a young woman who's had her share of crazy feelings, regrets, and realizations... I'm going to be brutally honest. I'm not comfortable thinking about children at the moment either. But I'm not going to completely rule out the possibility. I've taken precautions to ensure that pregnancy is the last thing on my mind, and I've had no problems. We're both young with our whole lives ahead of us. I'm urging you... Think things over before you make any permanent, life-altering decisions like becoming sterile. You have your entire life to look forward to. Who knows what changes of heart it might bring?


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:20 AM.

© 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!