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[QUOTE=Baby_hands;3852874]What struck me was when you said this all pretty much happened within 2 months? She moved you in straight away? Told you she loved you etc? Maybe I have it wrong, but that alone would ring alarm bells for me.

It sounds like she is very very confused and in the meantime, wants to have her cake and eat it too.

This was someone she was married to for 18yrs! Thats a long time. And she had kids with him. If there is some way that they can work things out and be happy, I'm sorry to say..but that would be very important. Divorce is always so so sad.

But its about time you start looking out for yourself, if you dont like the way your being treated..then leave. Tell her she needs to sort herself out and decide what she wants. I know it will hurt but it wont hurt as much as staying with someone who doesnt treat you good.[/QUOTE]

Today makes exactly 3 months since we emailed back and forth the first time. To say that she moved me in straight away would be an understatement. She kicked her husband out in the morning and I moved in that evening. You should have seen the looks on her kid's faces. It was heartbreaking. She told me she loved me in the first week we were talking. We dated for 5 years starting back when she was 12 and I was 14. Then we lost contact for 20 years.

I have been pulling back emotionally from her for the last few days. I know I am going to have to leave pretty soon. I don't want to though. Her kids have finally started to accept me and I really like them. They need an intelligent man around to teach them things and show them how things work. I hate to say it, but both her and her husband are dullards. They are not smart. There are no books in the house. They don't read, watch the news, or try to learn or experience new things. My IQ is roughly double hers and it's very hard to talk about anything with her. She can't grasp most simple subjects it appears.

I don't know why I feel such a strong attachment to her. I can't explain why I have these feelings for her. They make no sense. But yet I do and I can't seem to shake them. I know we moved too fast. I told her it was too fast but she insisted I move in right away. Now here I am. The one thing I have asked of her is that she have no contact with her soon to be ex other than what is needed for the kids. But she will not agree to it. We spend nearly every waking moment together. My job is in it's slow time so I have very little work to do right now and she got fired from her part time minimum wage job a month ago. I feel I need to watch her like a hawk anyway. The only way I can get time to write to this forum is when she is sleeping.

I have this hope that she will see how badly it hurts me for her to talk with her husband and all that, but I honestly don't think she is smart enough to make the connection. I have told her that every woman I have gotten attached to has had some other man in their lives and that I broke it off with them due to that attachment. Yet she doesn't seem to grasp that I will do the same to her if she doesn't let him go. Either that or she just plain doesn't care. I can't tell.

I hate that I will have to leave. I don't want to. I like caring for her. I do love her. She seems to love me. And I really don't want to put her kids through any more grief. They are victims in all this and like I wrote, need someone to teach them how to grow up and be ready for the world. Her 17 year old is still just a kid where my sons when they were that age basically were adults and ready for the challenges that face them in the adult world.

I feel stifled and way over her league. It's like living in an ape house at times. Yet I like it here. If I could just deal with her husband and her having a "friendship" I would probably get along just fine. But I don't think I can deal with it. I just don't know what to do.

I have told myself that I will give her until their tax refund comes to make up her mind. If she still can't put him out of her life then I will take the money that I have spent these last two months out of that refund and leave. I don't know what else I can do. Am I being too quick to give up? Should I just be patient and wait for her feelings for him to fade away? The kicker for me is that her youngest son threatened suicide at school over this and now they have to go to counseling. Part of this counseling is marriage counseling. The point of that is to teach them how to get along for her son's sake. I fear that if they learn to get along then I will be superfluous and will get the boot.

Should I give up on her and take the hit to my heart and move on or wait it out?

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