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Re: Human Doormat
Jan 24, 2009
With my ex, I remember talking to her once or twice about how I needed to spend more time with my friends, and she got very defensive and insecure about it. She thought that I was accusing her of monopolizing all of my time. She was very irrational about the whole thing. It was like I was breaking her heart by saying that my friends needed me to spend some time with them, and she acted like she was so disappointed in me.

It's funny that you mention being able to spend time with your own friends. My ex didn't really have any friends of her own. We went to college together, where she had a few friends, but she never made any attempt to hang out with them on weekends or to talk to them when we were away from school. She only had one friend left from high school, a guy. She actually ended up cheating on me with him, and they're dating now. So as you can see, she wasn't really the ideal girlfriend.

Of course, I don't expect every girl to be like my ex. I think most normal girls have friends of their own, and wouldn't want to spend every moment of the day with me, which is healthy. And that would make it easier for me to spend more time with my friends.

But your last line did bother me a little, because somehow I kind of always knew that I would act like that in a relationship. I just know myself. I knew I would end up being a pushover, and I knew that I would end up making my girlfriend a higher priority than my friends. But that's not right. Before my last relationship, I didn't see how damaging that way of thinking could be to me and to my friends. I never thought my friends would leave me, but I think they were pretty close to doing it.

I think I need to be able to stand my ground a little bit and stay true to who I am, and also stay true to my friends, who have always been there for me. I know that if I can do this and still balance my time with a girlfriend, any rational girl should be understanding, right? I guess my last girlfriend was just such a nightmare that it's hard to imagine a girlfriend acting rationally.
Re: Human Doormat
Jan 24, 2009
Since I made a reply concerning PaxMax's thread without input into THIS thread, I figure I would pay my dues.

I would say forget all this detailed descriptions that everyone is writing with examples, situations, and so forth. Here is the skinny:

1. By going thru your old threads, we get a picture of you. That picture paints a man who is incapable of truly enjoying being single (and in the same sentence is hugely afraid of NOT being in a relationship.)

2. Before you step on my toes, I am just like you, so I can be straight here...

3. Because of reason #1, that clearly leads you into a corner where you "put up" with 3x more bull crap than someone who ISNT afraid of being single (or not being in a relationship.) This has nothing to do with your personality while in a relationship. Look at the root cause. It is because of reason #1 that reason #3 is happening. And because of the root cause, "communication problems" you described would not have gone on nearly as long as they did. You would have realized a LOT sooner that she wasn't on the same maturity level as you, (albeit you are both insecure in your own ways.)

4. As other people wrote, she will lose respect for you and eventually will do the monkey branch grab.

Solution?? Get to know yourself, get to love yourself, get to the point where you can be out at the bars and BE IN THAT MOMENT and NOT having diverted attention towards which girl you would like to get interested in. Have you ever noticed the more you TRY, the less successful you are? I have. I am just like you PlaxMax (my other thread will tell you), so I know exactly what its like to think how you think. Not that I am a know-it-all, but Im going with my hunch on this.

So just enjoy your life. Stop what your doing and be thankful for what you have. Live in the present. Love whatever it is that you are doing. Be not concerned with finding a mate, because when you get to a point of reaching out to just about any woman, you standards will be lower (although you will not notice at the time), and you will probably settle for the wrong girl.

Thats my rant.

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