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Relationship Health Message Board


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Human Doormat
Jan 24, 2009
Hi everyone, I was hoping some of you could give me a little advice on a personal problem I'm having. My friends and I were drinking last night and I can't remember how it came up, but we got on the subject of my ex-girlfriend. They started all talking about how much I was whipped and how it got to a point where she was totally controlling my life. And it's true, things got so bad that some of my friends were ready to stop hanging out with me, because I always made my girlfriend a higher priority than them. I'm embarrassed about the way I treated my friends back then, and I'm lucky that they all forgave me for it.

But I was telling one of my friends last night that the bad thing is, I think that's just part of who I am. I'm afraid that's just something I'm always going to do when I'm in a relationship. My friend didn't think so; he felt that my ex was extremely controlling, bossy and manipulative. Which may be true, but I was also responsible for my own behavior because I let her treat me that way. I let her boss me around and walk all over me. And why? Because I just wanted to make sure I was being a good boyfriend, and I didn't want to make her mad.

Our relationship developed into something where if I made any mistakes or did anything wrong, she would get totally pissed off and frustrated with me, and it could turn into a big argument. I hated having fights with her, because I didn't know how to handle them. I always apologized first, even if I didn't believe I did anything wrong. The arguments with her were always really difficult to settle; either I would end up apologizing or we would stay mad at each other until she would forget about it and tell me that she was over it. Of course, that wasn't good because a lot of times, legitimate problems between us wouldn't get solved, she would just stay mad until she felt like she could ignore it and move on.

The bottom line is, I guess I was always afraid to get her mad at me, so I would usually do what she wanted, what she told me to do, and I would put her before my friends. And I've been single now since she and I broke up, but I'm kind of starting to get involved with a new girl, and I'm afraid that I might do the same things in my future relationships. I'm afraid that I'm going to be treated badly by any future girlfriends I have, but I guess I'm just afraid to stand up for myself.

I realize this is a huge personality flaw, and frankly, I might have even bigger emotional problems that are causing me to feel like this, but can anyone help steer me in the right direction? Does anyone have any advice on how I can change my ways?





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