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Relationship Health Message Board


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Re: Human Doormat
Jan 25, 2009
Wow, I'm kind of surprised that you went back through my old topics. I must have sounded like a broken record, always mentioning how my girlfriend cheated on me. That was terrible for me dude. That's the only relationship I've ever been in, and it was a really traumatic event for me, even if the relationship was bad for me.

I did some thinking about this while I was home from school a few weeks ago. I've been keeping a journal since that breakup, and I've written probably over 200 pages worth of stuff in it. So I was trying to figure out what it meant to be happy, what needed to happen, and why I didn't feel happier. I remember one day just sulking around my house, and my mom asked what was wrong with me. I told her that I felt sad, but I wasn't sure why. She said, "Cheer up, you've got a good life" and I said to her, "That's just it: I do have a really good life, but I'm not as happy as I should be, and I don't know why."

Without going off on too much of a tangent, I had the epiphany that happiness and well-being are made up of several components, such as physical health, interpersonal relationships, academic/career success, spiritual health, etc. Different people focus on different areas, but I realized that I put most of my emphasis on my relationships with others, specifically in terms of finding a mate. That's not good because it means that I've been unbalanced. It's probably not possible to excel in all areas, but I realized that just by trying to balance the different components of my life better, and by trying to better myself little by little in several areas, it should help my overall level of happiness.

After thinking I'd had some kind of incredible breakthrough (I actually thought of writing a book about it), I realized that I was wrong on something. While self-improvement and betterment are important endeavors for each of us, it was wrong of me to try to put off happiness waiting for something else to happen. I shouldn't have had to think, "Well, I'm not happy now, but I will be once I lose ten pounds", or anything like that. That's not really correct, because I realized that happiness is more reliant on your outlook, your perception. As someone else put it, "Be happy with your perfectly imperfect life."

Anyway, you're probably wondering how happiness worked its way into the discussion. Well, after thinking about the nature of happiness, and doing some self-reflection, I reminded myself that I can be perfectly happy without having a girlfriend or anything like that. Of course, thinking it and actually doing it turned out to be two different things altogether in my case. I had nothing going on romantically with anyone I knew. I was scared to death of meeting women in public and asking them out, even though that is something I'll need to be able to do someday. I was on my own, and I should have felt fine like that. But I didn't. I felt like crap, and I couldn't snap myself out of it. My perception was off, somehow. I should have been happy, but I wasn't. And how do you change your perception of things? How do you change the way you think, feel and react to the world around you? It wasn't something I was ready to figure out.





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