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Thanks so much for you're replies :) it means a lot.

No one in my life cares about my situation, and i think it's because i've spent most of my life NOT talking to anyone about my problems (i am thinking because of the depression). At one point some friends asked me how i was feeling, and while i was talking they basically started having their own side conversation. The only thing anyone ever seems to want to do is take me out drinking, or encourge me to go out drinking, and now that i'm on medication, i'm not too keen on the idea. You're not supposed to drink while taking it, and i've read that people that have end up getting sick or really, really bad hang overs. I'd rather not drink, then feel horribly ill. I think sometime I just need to reach out to someone and tell them i need to talk. Only a few people in my life even know that i've been diagnosed with depression.

Thanks for sharing your story mandabear :) my relationship wasn't that bad but it wasn't amazing either. It's comforting to know that someone else has gone through the same thing. It sort of just feels like I've lost so much time. I am keeping busy at school, a couple classes, an internship, a project, yoga club. I have also begun regular therapy for some of my other issues, so that will help in this situation too. I'm still having trouble seeing what my life "wasn't" because of him. It's true, I did begin community college instead of trying harder to get into a 4 years school because of him, but i don't really regret that. I don't know, I'm sure within time I'll realize more. I just really wish I could get back to that place in my heart where I was confused about my feelings for him. Instead, something made me cling on to him more...

Cassie you said: "After I found happiness in myself...learned to love myself... it also brought me a new love and other new loves after that until I found my husband."

That scares me too. I don't know if I ever want to experience heartbreak again. I've put myself through it so much already, and only with one guy! but i also have the dream of the husband and the kids. I guess the unknown is scary. When I had someone to make a mental picture of my future with, it was easy. I can still see myself wanting the same kind of life, it's just hard not picturing him in there too. It's like I've been through this so many times before that I don't want to feel it anymore. I just want it to all be gone. I want to be able to picture myself happy without any presence of him at all, because even when I do picture myself happy and single in some apartment with maybe a dog :) in my mind, he always ends up coming over to see said apartment, and i still have feelings for him. Damn my crazy imagination.

Thanks again for replying :)

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