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Too picky??!!
Feb 8, 2009
Hey guys - for most of you who know my story, you know I'm also not usually one to ask for advice, and I don't think I'm really asking for advice, maybe just to vent a little, but my brother said something to me last week that has really stuck in my craw, and really hurt my feelings a great deal. He said....I'm "being too picky."

Now, first of all, I don't really understand how you can be too picky when you're the one always getting blown off. I've dated over 100 men from online sites, and although out of those many, there have only been one or two that I got a really strong, good vibe from. But I also understand that chemistry can take a while to develop and I've always been more than willing to go out with any of these guys, except one or two that were just really too weird, again, but they have always blown me off. I'm naturally just a very low key person and am not really loud, joking, outgoing, etc. so maybe more insecure men might construe my reserve as disinterest. But even on the dates I felt went really well, when I felt at ease and up and felt funny and enjoyed myself, even they closed the match or never called back. I know some of them were my fault, but I try. one guy that I really liked and I felt the date went pretty well, but when I got back to the car and checked in the rear view mirror, I had a big chunk of food stuck in my teeth. I try to be so careful about things like that but one got by me. He closed the match the next morning. I also liked another guy I went out with once, we talked on the phone and had a few nice conversations, though he talked about his ex wife a little too much and was clearly not over her, but was still interested in getting to know him better, he seemed really nice, we had lunch, he seemed really interested, wanted to get to know me better, went on a trip, then I emailed him when he should have been back, he said he was back but very busy at work, invited me to come down to his work again and have lunch again but I couldn't that weekend, too busy, so I said I would be glad to meet him for dinner or something later in the week, and would like to chat more. He vanished off the face of the earth.

A few years back I had a friend who thought I should go out with this guywho supposedly had the hots for me but he was just all wrong for me. I had known this guy years before, and knew he wasn't right for me, but this "friend", who is no longer in my life, told me I wasn't ready for a relationship if I wasn't ready to take a chance on this guy. But I mean, he invited me over to their house for dinner, then showed up two hours late, and drunk. Is that how a nice guy impresses a girl? A friend set me up with a guy who wasn't my physical type, but seemed nice enough. He didn't say two words to me and left very soon after I got there, and didn't express any further interest. 6 months later he asked my friend for my number. Two weeks after that he re-married his ex wife for the third time. :confused::confused::confused: I have a coworker who has expressed interest in me and my friend at work says I'm too picky for not throwing myself at him, even though he's always pawning his work off on me whenever he can get away with it and he never listens to me when I talk, even if it's important work stuff, and he's just not my type, too loud, too much hyper nervous energy, etc.

And yet, I'm the one who's too picky. I know in my gut and in my heart that I really am not too picky, I'm very secure there, but these people, my friend and my brother, are the people who are supposed to love me most. It would just be nice if one person I knew thought I deserved a guy as nice as the kind of guy I think I deserve. My brother has this friend that he just thinks the world of and his always carrying on about how sweet and wonderful and awesome she is, and how he'd do anything for her, and how she's overcome a lot of messes (messes that I think she kind of brought on herself, rehab, dating widely inappropriate and hurtful men, etc.) but whatever. He thinks she deserves the world and that she could get any guy she wants, but I, his flesh and blood, who has given him the shirt off my back, who has always been there whenever he has needed me, I'm being "too picky" just because I want a guy who's not a nervous emotional wreck, who's kind and somewhat emotionally stable and respectful to me. It can undermine one's confidence when someone you love and respect doesn't think you deserve any better than much much less than what you really want. I kind of want to call him up and tell him that he's wrong and how what he said hurt my feelings, but I don't know if it would make any difference. he just sees me a certain way and always will I guess, but it just really hurt my feelings to know he thinks so much more of all his other female friends than he thinks of me. Anyway, just venting I guess, but will welcome any thoughts.

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