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[QUOTE=VERYUNHAPPY;3882344]His explanation is it's me I make him to talk to me like that because I am on top of him telling him what he knows he needs to do and thatís what I deserve. [/QUOTE]


I understand where he is coming from when he says part of this. My husband tells me how to do stuff all the time that I already know how to do or he gets on to me about not doing things before he gives me the chance to actually do them without being told. The difference between your husband and I is that I am a very happy, positive person. So, I know how to deal with my anger. However, nothing makes me more angry than someone treating me like a child. It insults my intelligence. Your husband may feel the same way. He may feel that when you're getting on to him about doing stuff, that you are treating him like a child. Try to remember that he is an adult and he doesn't need you to babysit him and tell him how/when to do things. I'm sure he got things done just fine before you and he can get things done just fine without you. Have a little faith in him and trust him to do things without nagging him. My husband and I have discussed this and my husband said that it's really hard to not say anything, but...he is trying and we're happier because of it. It takes patience.

ON THE OTHER HAND: It is NOT your fault that he yells at you or verbally abuses you. I get annoyed when my husband tells me to do stuff that I was already planning on doing, but yelling and verbally abusing him would just be an irrational reaction. Your husband needs to learn the correct way to communicate things. I would start by letting him know how you feel. Don't say anything like "you make me feel like this or that" or "you need to do this or that." Just simply state "I feel scared when you yell at me." He can't argue with the way you feel. He can however argue with something he's done. So don't be accusatory, never open a sentence or conversation with YOU YOU YOU because he will automatically go on the defensive. As hard as it may be, encourage him in a loving manner to open up about the way he feels as well. Be ready to apologize for the way you've acted and don't expect an apology from him right away. He has to deal with his anger issues within himself before he can deal with the way they effect others. Acknowledge that you understand that your nagging (sorry it's the only term I can think of) is simply insulting to him and that you are sorry. If he sees that you understand how he feels, he's much more likely to open up and discuss the problem like an adult, as opposed to reverting back to the childlike behavior.

Maybe try leaving him little stickies with love notes on him at the same time you're telling him to do stuff... "Don't forget to submit that expense report and don't forget that I love you, !!! ;)" silly, cute stuff like that could be a better way to remind him to do things that wouldn't elicit such a childlike reaction. Once he begins calming down, you may want to suggest seeing a counselor about his anger problems. But, not until he starts to calm down for a few weeks or even a month. He's already insulted, that would just insult him even more while he's still mad.





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