It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I think a certain level of trust is important in a relationship, but I gotta say, I also think it's not realistic to completely trust your SO in any and all situations. I personally don't believe in soul mates, at least not everyone has one, and I think most couples stay together NOT because they are perfect for each other and they love and trust one another and their love is pure and perfect, blah blah blah, but rather, they stay together simply because neither party ever just met anyone better, and they were never tempted, and one of the ways you make sure that your SO never meets anyone who will siren him off is to keep tempation down to a minimum. That's one school of thought anyway. Not a perfect one, but it's 'not totally meritless, either. I do think sometimes the "trust him completely, if he wanders away, he was never yours" philosophy is a bit naive. EVen one poster said, girlfriends come and go, are off and on. Because love is fickle and people don't commit to each other anymore and everyone has hundreds and hundreds of people they could happily be in a relationship with. Jsut because you've never cheated before doesn't mean you never will even if some incredibly gorgeous, irresistable woman comes along and drops herself in your lap and all your buddies and egging you on to "go for it" and you're not a real man if you don't, etc. etc. etc. you know how guys get, especially when they are drunk.

All this to say, I think your girlfriend is being a bit clingy and insecure, but not without reason, either. So how about a compromise? I think if you totally disregard her feelings and say "well, I want to go so I'm going and I don't care what you think" that will drive a wedge between the two of you that will be hard to get past. I think you need to make it clear to her that this trip is very very important to you, but so are her feelings. You could promise to call her at the same time every day while you're gone, or make sure she has your hotel number, or something. Stay in contact and make sure she knows you're thinking about her and not up to anything hinky while you're gone. then when you prove yourself trustworthy, next time will be easier for her.
[QUOTE=Tubular;3884004]Wow, lots of replies!

I appreciate all of them!

Larrylou'sMom, I see what you're saying about people who stay faithful as long as there is no temptation. One thing my g/f has said to me is "it's not that I don't trust's that I don't trust other women." This basically translates to "I trust you as long as you don't have the opportunity to cheat." Which further translates to..."I don't trust you.".[/QUOTE]

I think that's true to a large degree. I don't know, it's been a while since I myself have been in a relationship, and the last one I was in, I was extremely trusting, I totally believed in my boyfriend and trusted him completely, I would have trusted him with my very life, and it turned out to be a HUGE mistake. So, how do you reconcile trusting someone you love against human nature, or man's nature, which BY its nature is fallible and always to some degree, untrustworthy? I don't know. I suspect I would struggle with that one myself. Not to the degree your girlfriend seems to be struggling, but it's not always easy. Wanting to believe that your man is a good man and you can trust him, but also knowing on some level that, as the song says, "men will always be men." It's a tough one sometimes.

[QUOTE=Tubular;3884004]I will definitely try to compromise with her on the issue. I have a feeling she won't compromise though, b/c we've talked about similar issues (mostly like, can I meet some friends out at the bar for a guys night.) and her answer has always been an unwavering no. The question here then becomes, how do I proceed? If she won't compromise with me, and she won't accept that my side of the argument is at least somewhat valid...where do I go from there? [/QUOTE]

I think you have some soul searching to do. Three and a half years is a long time to invest in someone, but perhaps it's time to really start thinking about whether this woman is the right woman for you. On the one hand, it's not just a boy's night out, it's not a poker night or a few beers at the local bar you're talking about, it's the biggest party in the country of the year, where women are running around baring their chests and doing God only knows what else just for a string of beads. It has the reputation of being a no-holds-barred, 24-hour city-wide free-for-all where all rules, inhibition, standards and etiquette just sort of get tossed out the window. To be honest, I wouldn't be too jazzed if my young boyfriend wanted to go with buddies without me, either, especially if his buddies were the type to egg him on and encourage or even bully him to get drunk and "go for it" with some other chick. sounds like this isn't just what you're talking about. The problem is much bigger and much more pervasive throughout your relationship than just this one trip. Again, you have some soul searching to do. If you sit down with her and really make sure she knows you've heard her, you take her feelings into consideration, but that you are very very hurt that she doesn't trust you, and that living this way just isn't working for you, and she still is as clingy as she is, then you need sit down with yourself and figure out just what you want. How much you love her, the pros and the cons of being with her, and do the good parts of being with her outweigh this issue of trust? It just depends on who you are and what you want out of a relationship. There are some men who would put up with a woman like her if they loved her enough, some men wouldn't. My ex married a woman who is kind of like this, based on the stories I've heard. She screamed at him in front of all his friends because he was talking to who turned out to be his friend's aunt and cousin and he was just saying hi and she thought he was making time with them. A mutual friend said she's always bossing him and yelling at him. But he loves her very much so he takes it. It's worth it, she's worth it to him. That's what you have to figure out. Is this girl worth it to you? There is no right or wrong answer, only what's in your heart, and only how you really want to live. If you need to have more freedom and feel more trust from her and she just isn't able to give it, then perhaps it's time to really re-evaluate and re-think this relationship. Only you can know that, though.

It's a shame, but perhaps she has a hard lesson coming. But talk to her, tell her exactly what you've told us, that it hurts that you've been so faithful and straight arrow and she still doesn't trust you. Other women don't matter if the guy is truly trustworthy, they can do what they want, and a truly trustworthy man won't take the bait. But those men are rare. If you are that kind of guy and need to be appreciated as such, then she needs to to know that. And whether she accepts that or not is up to her. And then, well, you've kind of got to let the chips fall where they may. But talk to her, and tell her just what you've told us and see what happens from there. Good luck to you.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:52 AM.

© 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!