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Yesterday was my wife's birthday and I tried to make the evening as nice as I could, I went home during my lunch time and cleaned the house up a bit (it wasn;t dirty but I freshened the guest bathroom and such.
I boughte her a balloon, flowers cards and such. Made the cupcakes that she requested and got the ice cream.
We had invited her friend, her husband and their daughter over for the cupcakes and ice cream. The husband and daughter would be coming later as she had practice and would be arriving about an hour late and that was fine.
We had an easy cheeseburger, tater tot dinner, wine and later some champagne.
After dinner my wife and her friend went into our bedroom so my wife could get her opinion on which size (she ordered two sizes of same sweater) she thought looked best. I had already given my opinion the day prior but evidentally my opinion doesn't matter. Well that was fine, how long would that take? 10-15 minutes so I cleaned up the kitchen and sat in the living room with my 9 yr old son who was watching some TV while he was waiting. About an hour goes by and I doze off a little (I am more of a beer drinker) and then they finally emerge from our room and I gave my wife a look that I wasn't too happy about being left alone for so long. She got all upset at me and later after the friends left we had this big blow up because she feels that I am controlling her and that she wanted to spend time talking to her friend. I said that was fine but she could have either included me or let me know since I was the one who put forth the effort for the evenings festivities and really didn't want to watch Spongebob.
Needless to say she slept on the couch and I feel like crap for having ruined her birthday which obviously was never my intention.

Now let me rewind to last week a bit to a scenario that helped trigger it all.

I was going over the house phone call log online for the first time when I noticed a few (3 or 4) calls to the same number that ranged from 30-50 minutes long while I was at work. I didn't know the number so I did a reverse look up and got the name. Intrigued and curious I looked at her cell phone call log and there were some calls to the same number.
I kind of did some roundabout searching and confronted her about who these call were to and she told me that someone that she worked with at a prior job over a year ago called her out of the blue at her current job to talk because his longtime girlfriend of 7 had just dumped him. She hadn't seen this guy in over 8 months and that was when she went to her old job to purchase something. All of these calls were fairly recent (the past couple of weeks only).
I immediately became suspicious about this guy and why would he all of a sudden be calling her AFTER he gets dumped? He knows she is married, yet he still called and she still met him a couple of times for "coffee". SHe told me that she did visit his house because he wanted to show it to her. Another red flag to me.
She said she was there for about 10 minutes and left.
Being a guy, I know what a guy's intentions are or usually are in this scenario. Especially since he is a straight guy. She told me that he knows I am happily married and thats not his intentions.
So to make a long story short, she asked what I wanted her to do about that and I told her thats a question I don't win no matter how I answer it. Deep down we both knew that I wanted her to end that right away. She did that the next day and of course I am made to look as the bad guy in the whole thing in both of their minds. The whole jealous/controlling husband bit.
Which to a degree I probably am, I have never been comfortable with her having male friends especially ones I have never met or heard the name mentioned before. And she said she didn't tell me because she knew how I would react, but to me finding out the way I did made it worse and made me lose some trust in her. No matter what she should be able to come to me first and then atleast let me say my peace, but atleast don't hide something like that from me it only makes things look even more suspicious.

So I think she is carrying some resentment towards me still from that and thats why she blew up at me last night.

Do I sound like a controlling husband, because I am starting to think that maybe I am to a degree and will get help for it wherever I can because my marriage is that important to me and my company has a very good employee assistance program that I can use.

Thanks for reading my problem.





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