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I have been married for about a year and a half, and am at the beginning of a fairly ugly divorce. My husband just walked out the other day, left no phone number...basically just fell off the face of the Earth.
I am a full time student and mom, and he has been without employment since last May. Since then, he was spending quite a bit of time playing video games and more than occasionally looking at porn. I have asked him to help me out and try to find work, so I can focus more on school and being a mom. He never did. Throughout our marriage, I have been having problems with him and other women. He was having an apparent "emotional affair" via a certain online social networking site with an ex. He had slept with at least 2 other women while we were dating, of which I found out AFTER we had gotten married. Another, he would call quite often- stating she was an old friend....he happened to admit that he had feelings for her, while in a drunken stupor, on our 6 month wedding anniversary. I have never been able to let any of this go. I tried to discuss my hurt feelings with him, and he retaliated with " you have mental issues, youre crazy...get the "f" over it. If you are that insecure, you need to get help." He apologized once to shut me up. There has never been any real explanation as to why he did what he did....and absolutely no emotional support. I was crushed fully several times, and he chose to avoid the issues at hand.
Anyway, I filed for divorce yesterday....and it is killing me. He literally snuck out of our house a few days ago; didn't even say goodbye to myself or to my kids. I have no idea where he went; all I keep thinking is perhaps he has another girlfriend??
I know this sounds horrible, and trust me; at the time I was miserable. He didn't listen to me, nor did he care that he pushed my feelings aside. But I keep remembering our wedding day, and how happy I thought we were. It was very special to me. As I thought it was to him as well. I prayed that he would come to his senses, and realize what he was doing to me. Towards the last few days together, he would laugh at me when I stated how hurt I was by everything. I even have an STD that attacks the cervix, already had to undergo a couple surgeries to remove precancerous cells....I never had it before I knew him. I was with my ex boyfriend for 9 years and Im certain he was not cheating. He never left the house, and never had an opportunity. My husband was cold and found humor in my despair about the STD.
Now, why the heck am I hurting so bad. I miss him terribly....I cry every chance I have when I am not in view of my kids. I cannot concentrate on my classwork, and I look out of my window from time to time to see if he decided to come home, fully apologetic. But nothing. I just do not understand how someone would be so stubborn to not admit to issues, and to just let our marriage go down the toilet. It is like we have never existed to him. I feel so lost without him; I want the pain to stop. I know what he was doing was wrong, I just cannot shake this hope that one day he will figure it out. Any advice on how to forget about it and move on? For my sake, and for my kids- I dont want to be so depressed anymore. I should resent him (which I do), but I dont understand the extreme sadness......
[QUOTE=mizzmommy79;3899129]I have been married for about a year and a half, and am at the beginning of a fairly ugly divorce. My husband just walked out the other day, left no phone number...basically just fell off the face of the Earth.
I am a full time student and mom, and he has been without employment since last May. Since then, he was spending quite a bit of time playing video games and more than occasionally looking at porn. I have asked him to help me out and try to find work, so I can focus more on school and being a mom. He never did. Throughout our marriage, I have been having problems with him and other women. He was having an apparent "emotional affair" via a certain online social networking site with an ex. He had slept with at least 2 other women while we were dating, of which I found out AFTER we had gotten married. Another, he would call quite often- stating she was an old friend....he happened to admit that he had feelings for her, while in a drunken stupor, on our 6 month wedding anniversary. I have never been able to let any of this go. I tried to discuss my hurt feelings with him, and he retaliated with " you have mental issues, youre crazy...get the "f" over it. If you are that insecure, you need to get help." He apologized once to shut me up. There has never been any real explanation as to why he did what he did....and absolutely no emotional support. I was crushed fully several times, and he chose to avoid the issues at hand.
Anyway, I filed for divorce yesterday....and it is killing me. He literally snuck out of our house a few days ago; didn't even say goodbye to myself or to my kids. I have no idea where he went; all I keep thinking is perhaps he has another girlfriend??
I know this sounds horrible, and trust me; at the time I was miserable. He didn't listen to me, nor did he care that he pushed my feelings aside. But I keep remembering our wedding day, and how happy I thought we were. It was very special to me. As I thought it was to him as well. I prayed that he would come to his senses, and realize what he was doing to me. Towards the last few days together, he would laugh at me when I stated how hurt I was by everything. I even have an STD that attacks the cervix, already had to undergo a couple surgeries to remove precancerous cells....I never had it before I knew him. I was with my ex boyfriend for 9 years and Im certain he was not cheating. He never left the house, and never had an opportunity. My husband was cold and found humor in my despair about the STD.
Now, why the heck am I hurting so bad. I miss him terribly....I cry every chance I have when I am not in view of my kids. I cannot concentrate on my classwork, and I look out of my window from time to time to see if he decided to come home, fully apologetic. But nothing. I just do not understand how someone would be so stubborn to not admit to issues, and to just let our marriage go down the toilet. It is like we have never existed to him. I feel so lost without him; I want the pain to stop. I know what he was doing was wrong, I just cannot shake this hope that one day he will figure it out. Any advice on how to forget about it and move on? For my sake, and for my kids- I dont want to be so depressed anymore. I should resent him (which I do), but I dont understand the extreme sadness......[/QUOTE]

I understand your sadness /frustration;...obviously you once loved this man, that maybe why the sadness and hurt, if some day he don't figure it out or maybe he will someday for your sake as well as his childrens.
not much you or anyone can do, he has to change because he realizes what a good realtionship he once had.

Some men will come back beg for forgiveness and then start all over again.
I'm sure him loseing his job has a lot to do with this obviously but that don't justify his infildelity or his unforgiven behavior, but like pendulum mention he should have look for work and do anything to make ends meet dishwasher whatever to save his marrige/family.

The most loving most important thing he should have did was to love you and the family, not go off and hide his emotions ,because thats what this man is doing he's hiding and maybe he is somewhat ashame, maybe to stick by you help you encourage you or maybe he thinks he's a failure as a man.

Having sex with women is just a mans way of letting out the frustration stress or what ever it is thats got him disturb and a man don't think rationaly when there in that state of mind...AGAIN THATS NO REASON TO ACT UPON SOME OF HIS SELFESH BEHAVIOR.

Counsling will help you? your the only one that can get over him...maybe after the divorce you can? you will go on finish your school meet a decent lovng caring man and move forward , just try your best not to dewell or look out that window it will only depress you more and more.

get out do something with the kids, stay to busy to busy to be dwelling on the past especially with his past.

Look at this has a bad experince in your life and learn from it...no one knows what a person will be like in the furture , its not your fault this man has choose the wrong path in life....or change to only mess up your life, don't let that happen girl stay strong phyiscally and emotionally.
Hang in there and hope for the best.





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