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What concerns me is that he chooses not to join you, in events that are obviously important to you. As you mentioned, it is not like you want him to drag you around town every weekend-these are special opportunities for you to maintain old friendships, visit friends, etc.

It not as if you wouldn't love for him to join you, and enjoy yourselves together. And as you mentioned, he is not phobic, or socially paralyzed. It sounds as if he chooses not to make any effort, to make you happy. It also seems to create a power-trip for him, as you are left to beg and cajole him to go, even though you know the answer will be no. Even if he were to agree to go somewhere with you and your friends, you know it would be uncomfortable and stressful dragging him along against his will.

We all wear out eventually, and end up in the rocking chair...just don't miss anything until that day comes. Remember he is getting just what he wants..nothing! You are missing out on what you want-something!

Life is too short to waste, trying to convince another to live it. Once you get yourself out there, you will find all kinds of people who are choosing to live it too... and they are fun!
[QUOTE=writeleft;3906241]What concerns me is that he chooses not to join you, in events that are obviously important to you. As you mentioned, it is not like you want him to drag you around town every weekend-these are special opportunities for you to maintain old friendships, visit friends, etc.

It not as if you wouldn't love for him to join you, and enjoy yourselves together. And as you mentioned, he is not phobic, or socially paralyzed. It sounds as if he chooses not to make any effort, to make you happy. It also seems to create a power-trip for him, as you are left to beg and cajole him to go, even though you know the answer will be no. Even if he were to agree to go somewhere with you and your friends, you know it would be uncomfortable and stressful dragging him along against his will.

We all wear out eventually, and end up in the rocking chair...just don't miss anything until that day comes. Remember he is getting just what he wants..nothing! You are missing out on what you want-something!

Life is too short to waste, trying to convince another to live it. Once you get yourself out there, you will find all kinds of people who are choosing to live it too... and they are fun![/QUOTE]

You are correct in some of your observations. If something is really important to me, he does join me. He goes with me to my mom's house (we're really close) when we do things like have BBQ's or Holidays and stuff like that. I know he gets bored because my mom and I talk a lot, but he sucks it up and comes and participates (I know family time is not fun for a lot of men, not just my boyfriend, lol). And he's a great sport about that, he doesn't complain or anything. But, when it comes to friends, it's a different story. The thing is, if it was something important to me, he would come. But if I'm just going out with a few friends and I don't care if he comes, I'll quickly invite him to be polite, but I know he won't want to come. So I do live my life just the way I want it. The only thing that bothers me is that I wish he would join me sometimes, but that may never change.

Last week I made plans to go out with an old friend of mine. We thought we had a big group of people together, but by the time I got there to meet her, it was just her and her boyfriend. I called my boyfriend and pleaded with him to come out as it was uncomfortable and I was the third wheel. I explained it was just my friend and her boyfriend and we were gonna have a really laid back night (we were out at a bar/restaurant). He agreed to come, but showed up mad. I asked if he was okay and he told me he was mad I made him come because I knew he didn't want to. I apologized and told him that if he really didn't want to come, he could have told me no. He was mostly upset because we were at a bar, and that's REALLY not his thing, which I know and completely understand that part.

So, it's kind of a double edged sword. I want him to be more social, but at the same time, I don't want him to give in to me just to make me happy and him be miserable. I wish there was some sort of compromise, but it seems for some situations, there just isn't. Its either I give up having him there, or he comes when he doesn't want to and isn't happy.

I know this is already long, but I want to add one more thing. Another reason this whole thing bothers me is because he seems like a completely different person to me than he was in his old city. As I said in my first post, he used to have a lot of friends out there. Granted, he was in college, but still. He used to go out, go to parties, hang out with friends, etc. He was a "normal" guy. Even when he goes out to visit them he goes out with them bowling, restaurants, bars, etc. But he won't do it with me. He says he does it because they are his old friends and he doesn't see them often and wants to have a good time, which I understand. But it hurts my feelings that he's NEVER been like that with me. We've been together 2 years and I've not once seen him drunk, or even close. He says he's "grown up" now and out of that lifestyle. He also said that lifestyle was never "him", but that's what his friends did, so that's what he did. I completely appreciate that he's a mature adult; I want a relationship with an adult, not a college party guy. But I guess it just offends me that he will do and did do stuff with his friends before he moved here, and now that he moved here he's like a completely different person. I'm by NO means a party animal, but I am young and still like to have fun once in a while.





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