It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years and we live together. We have a great relationship, but something recently came up that started me thinking. We are a young couple 26 and 28, so our social life should be a big part of our lives.

Anyway, he NEVER likes to do anything with other people, and I mean NEVER. It could be something from going to a movie or dinner with another couple, going bowling, going out with some friends, having friends over, etc. He just absolutely does not like to do anything with anyone else. He always says he likes his life and he wants to be alone and do his own thing. Now, he's not shy, he actually works with people. So it's not like he doesn't like people or isn't a people person. He just doesn't have any desire whatsoever to have friends.

He moved to the city we currently live in shortly before we met. In his old city, he had a lot of friends, and he's still friends with them, though rarely sees them because of a 5 hour distance. So, it's not like he doesn't know how to have friends.

So, here's my issue. I'm a pretty homebody as well. I enjoy spending time with him and my family, and I really don't have a strong desire to have a big group of friends or go out often. But, I do like to go out with friends sometimes and have fun with a friend or two, or even a big group.

I lived in FL for several years, and a friend of mine who is from Australia (who was living in FL at the time), told me she and another friend are going to be making a trip to FL in May and told me I should meet them out there. I still have friends in FL as well, so I was very excited about the thought. I mentioned it to my bf and he gave me the typical answer of "yeah, we'll see". I know he was NOT thrilled about the idea of going out there with my friends. So, I kinda of scrapped that idea for now (for money reason more than anything).

So, then we were talking about going to Vegas. I've never been and my bf and I have talked about going for over a year. A friend of mine recently mentioned that we should all go together, so basically, it would be my boyfriend and I and 2 other couples. I thought that sounded like a blast and we'd have so much fun. I mentioned that to my boyfriend, and he told me he wanted just us two to go (no friends). Ugh, fine, whatever. Then I reminded him that I have a friend in Vegas who I haven't seen in years, and how we'd definitely have to set aside a night to go out/see her. His response was something like "I think it should just be us and we should forget about any friends". I got mad that he said that and told him no way was I going out there without seeing my friend! That's just not right!

So anyway, I'm very frustrated! I just don't get it! I've never met anyone that is SO anti-social before. So I guess my question is this; is there anything I can do about this situation? I don't want the obvious answers like "you just have to deal with it or find someone else" or "go by yourself or with your friends". I know those answers already. I want to go to Vegas with my bf (we were talking about going for my b-day), but I would have loved to go with a group of friends. It's just frustrating that he never wants to do anything with anyone else (and for the record, no, he's not controlling or trying to isolate me, I do my own thing whenever I want, he just chooses not to join me).

Sorry for the long rant, but I just had to get it out!
The thing is... I am COMPLETELY a homebody too. I go out maybe once every 6 months. And I don't expect my boyfriend to go out with me the few times I have gone out with my girlfriends. But, I just wish he would want to do anything with other people. Not "partying", but going bowling, going to dinner or movies with friends, going to a play, anything. I don't like to party either, and I completely appreciate and love that my boyfriend doesn't.

And to answer your question Mileena, I know my boyfriend won't change. And yes, I would and will stay with him regardless. This isn't an issue we have on a regular basis, I usually don't mind if he just wants to stay home. The big issue that brought this up was the vegas trip and him not wanting to see my friend who lives there for even one night. I guess I was just kind of offended by that. I haven't seen her in YEARS and he sounded mad when I told him we have to see my friend when we go out there. I guess I just didn't see it from perspective at that time and it offended and surprised me to hear his answer to that. But, whatever. If we go to Vegas and he doesn't want to see my friend, I'll go alone. If he decides to come, great. If not, oh well.

I guess I made this a much bigger deal than it needs to be. But it was one of those spur of the moment rants right after he made the comment about my friend in Vegas.
[QUOTE=ewing 3;3930454]I'm not a regular on this board, but I had to register and reply coz really...
Mary, who are you in a relationship with ? Your friends or your boyfriend ? If you want to be with your b/f then you need to sort out your priorities. For instance if you're planning a getaway together it's probably not a good idea to bring your girlfriends into the equation. A lot of people are in relationships without really being in one. Think about it when do you really spend quality time together ? In the evening when you get home from work, knackered , when you do the house chores ? On Saturdays when you spend the day shopping with your girlfriends? on sundays when you're at your mum's talking to her all day ? And when you're are together how much time do you spend on the phone talking to mum/sisters/friends ?
Back to your particular issue, it seems everytime youse two speak about going away you always have to bring in your mates into the conversation, think about how you would feel ? Of course he don't like it. Now that don't mean you should never see your mates, but you have to compromise, make sure you make time for you and him (turn off your mobile if you have to, don't mention your friends every 5 seconds....) so that you can do things together, and then set aside some times when you can do your thing with your mates but within reason.

One more thing it's understandable him not wanting to meet your
friends, I mean you do know how it is when girls get together, no man would feel comfortable in that situation, he knows he would be left behind while you guys talk (loudly) on and on about things and people he knows nothing about, plus what do you expect ? He and your girlfriends to become best mates or something ? not gonna happen,
and if it did well I don't think you'd be best pleased would you ?

So one more time, think about who you really wanna be with, coz if
you don't put him first, he'll not stop with you for very long. You're not 15 anymore a couple is couple not just some fun after class.
I know all the girls on here will tell you that you're in the right and he's wrong but that's what girls say in every situation when another girl asks for relationship advice, unfortunately it don't mean it's good advice, it's merely biased advice that will bring you much heartache.
Hope this helps.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for your reply, but I feel the need to correct a few points because it looks like you misunderstood completely. I spend pretty much ALL of my time with my boyfriend. I have a few friends, but most of my friends don't even live here. I spend one day a week or so with my mom, and my boyfriend enjoys that time because he gets to have "me" time by himself where he can play on his computer or play video games or whatever "guy stuff" he wants to do. Other than that, I almost never see my friends. My boyfriend and I spend all the time together we want, and we are each other's number one priorities. So although I am a very social person, I prefer to spend most of my time with my boyfriend. I volunteer and yes, I do have an outside life, but I probably go out with my friends once every month or two, usually less.
So it's not an issue of me being immature and wanting to spend all my time with my friends. Quite the opposite. Both my boyfriend and I are homebodies and prefer to spend quiet evenings at home with each other.
The issue with going on vacation with my friends is that was the REASON for going on vacation. I lived in Florida before, and so when my friends who live across the world in Australia informed me they were going to be in FL, I wanted to plan a trip out there specifically to see them. I have no other reason to go to FL.
The Vegas idea wasn't as big of a deal. He and I have decided to go alone. I just thought Vegas is such a party place that it would be fun to go with a group. And our group of friends were 2 other couples, so it wouldn't be all girls. It would have been 3 girls and 3 guys, so he by no means would have been left out and forced to deal with "girl talk" all weekend. But, if we were going anywhere else other than Vegas, I wouldn't want to go with friends, I would want to go with my boyfriend alone. The only issue is that I have a friend who lives in Vegas that I haven't seen in like 10 years, so yes, I do want to see her while I'm out there. I don't think that's being unreasonable at all.
The other issue is that my boyfriend NEVER wants to go out. Like, NEVER. But, that seems to be changing... we are friends with another married couple and they asked us to go out last weekend. We were busy, but agreed to go out with them this weekend, and my boyfriend agreed as well. So we're going out with them to dinner, bowling, something like that. So, he is putting forth some effort to get out once in a while. I'm happy he'll go out and have fun this weekend, and that's all I'm hoping for and asking of him.

Anyway, sorry for the long response. I just see that you had the completely wrong idea, so I wanted to clarify the situation.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:28 PM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!