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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Re: I am in prison
Mar 14, 2009
negot,I am 42 and have been having ob prob's for years,,everytime i get scared of the big c. i too was just in for an ultrasound after the dr noticed my left ovary being full and some pain on that side. the exray tech said it looks like only a follicle. here is hoping the same for u ,,even though the dr hasnt given me positive and great news yet..not sure she read the report yet but the xray girl thought it was positive and happy news. I am first of all wishing u a good report and just know that there is so many female issues that are less threatening some of us face,,take courage negot,, maybe it's something very normal for our ages uggh and i'm really hoping to hear good news next time u post.
negot i was married for 14 years to a man carbon copy of yours...I had two boys with him,,the one thing made it worse is i never felt inlove with him,he was less then desireable with no teeth and unkept appearance. at the age of 35 i divorced this man and he had a good job and a good heart. but i had found someone else and as cruel as this sounds i left my boring husband for the man i fell inlove with,, he made my heart experience what i had always been missing and that was passion and inlove butterfly feelings. i am now married to the butterfly inlove with man lol now for about 5 years. we have one daughter together and I am here to tell u that i faced alot of work ahead of me ,,drama ,fights,jealousys,culture issues all kinds of new things for my new feelings for my new man. at times i wished my new man was as boring as my first husband who i wasnt even inlove with. we are at that age where comfort seems to mean something i think,,i know i have reached this point. after our daughter was born ..our passion went south more and as he got on nightshift and things and our disagreements more and more ,,we felt more like two ships passing at sea. he was to proud to get counsling but i was not.. i got in there,,suprised to find out that it wasnt the two men ,,not my first husband and not my second that was most of my prob. it was me and my insecurities and my issues all along. not saying the two men didnt add to some stress and confusions and yes alot of financial and no privacy and all kinds of things surfaced in both relationships but i learned one thing .. no matter how inlove or not inlove u are with that person a man understands and gives back more if u tell him what u want and how u feel. i got over the mind reading idea a long time ago. it's more effective to be direct and buisness like to a man.. this is not a tv show. so my two cents is.. i am alot like u infact i have no job skills and very little work experience .. iv'e been co dependancy for so long I think i feel like an old dinosaur from it. after my lil girl gets into school the first thing i wana do is become a bus aide for the disabled on school buses because of my son being autisitic ,,i have great love for these kids and or maybe i'll work at walmart.. the sky is thelimit. i jsut set myself up soem goals thanks to counsling and u can do the same.. man or no man,,shine your own lite. dont wait for any man to shine it for u:). u got great kids and i do to.. I am banking on that u will definetly get your answers soon..i encourage counsling and taking time for u,,i dont know about u but very soon i am going i for one big makeover and thats a promise to myself! taking care of u is taking care of your family. dont worry about your husband ,,if he sees a more confident and independandt woman.. wow this will blow him away.. same as i been doing .. and the butterfly feelings are on and off again in any marriage i think. it jsut changes.. becomes an old shoe. but it's a nice shoe and i've learned to be happy is within YOU.
beebee
Re: I am in prison
Mar 14, 2009
[QUOTE=beebeesadia;3918910]negot,I am 42 and have been having ob prob's for years,,everytime i get scared of the big c. i too was just in for an ultrasound after the dr noticed my left ovary being full and some pain on that side. the exray tech said it looks like only a follicle. here is hoping the same for u ,,even though the dr hasnt given me positive and great news yet..not sure she read the report yet but the xray girl thought it was positive and happy news. I am first of all wishing u a good report and just know that there is so many female issues that are less threatening some of us face,,take courage negot,, maybe it's something very normal for our ages uggh and i'm really hoping to hear good news next time u post.
negot i was married for 14 years to a man carbon copy of yours...I had two boys with him,,the one thing made it worse is i never felt inlove with him,he was less then desireable with no teeth and unkept appearance. at the age of 35 i divorced this man and he had a good job and a good heart. but i had found someone else and as cruel as this sounds i left my boring husband for the man i fell inlove with,, he made my heart experience what i had always been missing and that was passion and inlove butterfly feelings. i am now married to the butterfly inlove with man lol now for about 5 years. we have one daughter together and I am here to tell u that i faced alot of work ahead of me ,,drama ,fights,jealousys,culture issues all kinds of new things for my new feelings for my new man. at times i wished my new man was as boring as my first husband who i wasnt even inlove with. we are at that age where comfort seems to mean something [B]i think what you say here is so important and I guess goes to the heart of what I want to say too--that is so many times people think that a different man will make them happier, and it may not be the case. I always just pray that people will come to know themselves and truely know what is the source of their unhappiness--whether it resides in them or is truely caused by their situation.[/B] ,i know i have reached this point. after our daughter was born ..our passion went south more and as he got on nightshift and things and our disagreements more and more ,,we felt more like two ships passing at sea. he was to proud to get counsling but i was not.. i got in there,,suprised to find out that it wasnt the two men ,,not my first husband and not my second that was most of my prob. it was me and my insecurities and my issues all along. I think what not saying the two men didnt add to some stress and confusions and yes alot of financial and no privacy and all kinds of things surfaced in both relationships but i learned one thing .. no matter how inlove or not inlove u are with that person a man understands and gives back more if u tell him what u want and how u feel. i got over the mind reading idea a long time ago. it's more effective to be direct and buisness like to a man.. this is not a tv show. so my two cents is.. i am alot like u infact i have no job skills and very little work experience .. iv'e been co dependancy for so long I think i feel like an old dinosaur from it. after my lil girl gets into school the first thing i wana do is become a bus aide for the disabled on school buses because of my son being autisitic ,,i have great love for these kids and or maybe i'll work at walmart.. the sky is thelimit. i jsut set myself up soem goals thanks to counsling and u can do the same.. man or no man,,shine your own lite. dont wait for any man to shine it for u:). u got great kids and i do to.. I am banking on that u will definetly get your answers soon..i encourage counsling and taking time for u,,i dont know about u but very soon i am going i for one big makeover and thats a promise to myself! taking care of u is taking care of your family. dont worry about your husband ,,if he sees a more confident and independandt woman.. wow this will blow him away.. same as i been doing .. and the butterfly feelings are on and off again in any marriage i think. it jsut changes.. becomes an old shoe. but it's a nice shoe and i've learned to be happy is within YOU.
beebee[/QUOTE]
Re: I am in prison
Mar 16, 2009
I just now saw your reply to me:) I'm a lil late . i dont work or have work experience and i dont even drive a car,iv'e let that phobia win. but I'm gonna be brave and overcome hopefully. iv'e been taking cabs and buses all the time and learning ways to find my own happiness. if I depend on a man to make ME happy,,I'll never be happy. I really only have one friend but we call each other and hang out now n then.
but i do things for me and i do things nice for him to. every morning i make him breakfest,tea and I even sometimes take an interest in his sports..just for him,he gets excited then lol. I go about my own life though and go to the park with the kids,dollor store or to see my son at his home. with my first and second marriage now,,i was so dependandt on the man to take me everywhere make a plan with me,i had to know a plan ,specifics to look forward to ,,didnt feel satisfied if i wasnt doing something with my husband. i decided to not do that no more,, i dont wait no more for him and i dont ask for plans,,i just go ahead and do things and he likes it,,who knew? he likes to hear about my little adventures and it gives us something to talk about.
your never in this world gonna change him,,but u can change u. what bothered me about my first husband is while he was boring ,he really didn't care about his personal matters and appearances. I started to really not wana even kiss him,I really got embarassed going places with him. i'd be so well cared for and well mannered . shiny hair and shiny teeth and there he would sit.. bad BO ,no teeth ,hair greasy,sticking up,whiskers and dirty hands. one day i said to myself .. god i just cant imagine living like this no more. i just cant. I just really cant imagine being forced into sex when he is so gross,i begged him to go to counsling with me ,begged him to stop hoarding things,,our home was a complete disgrace ,,he hoards things. he's a dumpster diver. he was cleaned up when i first got with him.. his teeth were bad but who knew he was going to get lazier as time went on? i told him i was finding looking at other men apealing,i was hinting to him for a long time about it but he didnt care. one day i met a new man..mr charming beautiful man ..wow ,,and he is. believe me he stole me right away. so what i am saying is not that people break up all the time over grooming needs but listen to your partner always.. if there is something bothering that partner.. wake up listen.. try to improove.. cause your going to lose that partner if u dont. maybe your husband will lose u to and i didnt just wait for him to work with me on things,,i begged him but he wouldnt do it. the whole other thing here will make u laugh .. but we live just down the st from each other now lol.. iv'e even tried to help him clean his trashed up apt when inspection rolled around. god it was hopeless..and he still looks like a junk yard dog lol but he's friendly and we remained friends. we are good parents. my husband now even gives him rides around town as he cant work due to a brain anurism 5 yrs ago.. during our divorce. he's a nice man my ex,,he even babysits for me my daughter with well our son we share together. all it takes is to see him for about 30 min and then i remember exactly why i divorced him. beleive me u will know if u wana divorce yours. when i done it i just done it full throddle and that was IT. u will be eager to wana get to YOUR life.
I still have a job to gain and experience independance that way but babysteps I have really came far. somethings u absolutly HAVE to walk away from if your miserable like i was. somethigns are worth saving and fighting for. I gave my first mariage 14 years of a try.. one day i gave up. I even gave up once or twice in 5 yrs here with my beautiful man here :) but somethings are worth saving. u will know ,,in your heart. if he's good to u and he's clean LOL and u have no love passion with the fella .. possibly this is also a normal things after years of marriage to. i just encourage counsling so much and being with friends and library and projects.. believe me having your own life in the same house even with him makes a world of diff.. u start realizing then what more u want in life.
stacey





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