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Re: I am in prison
Mar 17, 2009
[QUOTE=negot;3920776]I really appreciate everybody's reply. Deep down I know that my husband is not the real problem although we don't have a happy marriage, but that is not only his fault. I am from an abusive family and have been depressed off and on most of my life. [B]I see, but the fact that you come from an abusive family should not be an excuse for your not accepting the responsabilities you have regarding your life. In a way you can "change" your past by changing what you do now. [/B] I have been in therapy and my husband and I have been in couples counseling several times. Each time my husband decided to stop the therapy because he felt we were going nowhere. [B]Hmm, maybe you didn't have the "right" therapist, but more probably he was afraid of having to go deeper into it.[/B] Right now couples counseling is out of the question because we can't afford it. [B]Ok, but you still play tennis. Is tennis more important than counselling? If it is, then I stand corrected. By the way, I don't know what you do at the gym, but have you considered working with energy? I think (though I may be wrong) physical work for you should not be intended only for making you fit, but also for making you deploy your mental and physical energy more effectively, if you see what I mean. [/B] We are living on the edge financially, my husband's business is feeling the pinch like so many other businesses.
I do things that I enjoy. I go to the gym regularly and play tennis a couple of times a week. I also have a few good friends that I see regularly. I take my kids to after school activities and sometimes stay and watch them play tennis or other sport. I really have everything I need, yet life feels so empty a lot of the time. I am in a constant rush, constantly stressed out, I barely spend any quiet time with my kids. Our financial situation is a big emotional burden and causes me a lot of stress. [B]Maybe you are doing too many things. Maybe your kids are even somewhat stressed with so many activities. Maybe they should do less things so they can be with you, too. If you want this to happen, if you want to build an emotional and physical relationship with your kids, then simply slacken their schedule. I am not saying this is your case, but I know of some parents who give their children too much to do, so that they (the parents) don't have to cope with them (the children) much of the time.[/B]

The reason my husband and I married not out of love, but out of convenience was because both of us needed or wanted something that the other could provide. My husband thought it was "cool" to marry somebody who is European, who is tall, skinny and has a master degree (no one in his family has a masters degree, so to him this was "cool"). I was already in my late thirties so I thought I may as well get married. I also wanted American citizenship and that became possible through marriage. [B]Maybe that's only part of the truth. Both of you would be total foolheads (and I am sure both of you are very far from that) if you had married solely for convenience. Either there was a basis for mutual attraction on some level or you both had hopes or expectations that love and affection would develop down the road. Many people probably marry with this feeling.[/B]

I think that a big problem has been that my husband and I are very different in many ways. I am more realistic, which he calls pessimistic, while he is the bohemian type, a dreamer, who lives from one day to the other and thinks that everything is going to be fine. [B]I see no big problem here, but that's me. Different temperaments don't make a relationship necessarily difficult. But different values do. In any case, no couple in the world is made up of equal people.[/B] He does work a lot and hard, but has very unrealistic expectations from life. He is 50, but thinks that he is going to be the next Brad Pitt (well, not exactly, but you get my point). [B]Haha, if your husband had read a certain interview with Juliette Lewis - I think that's her name - in which she mentions an affair she had with this Brad Pitt, he would certainly give him up as a male model. Women can be very cruel and sharp at times. ;)[/B] This is very depressing to me because I have been listening to this now for over 10 years and I feel drained by all these unrealistic goals. [B]But I thought you were the realistic one in this relationship? Perhaps you are not looking at your husband in a very realistic way?[/B]

I was going to divorce my husband a couple of years ago. For some reason, out of nowhere, a woman whom I met through a charity, emailed me. I felt an urge to tell her that I am thinking of divorcing my husband although I barely knew her. She wrote me a long email, telling me that she divorced her first husband whom she had 2 children with and that she'll never forgive herself for divorcing him. She said that she wasn't able to see how good person and father he was until it was too late. She later divorced her second husband because they worked together and it was too much togetherness. She is now on he third marriage and not happy. She told me in the email to think long and hard before getting divorced. I listened to her and didn't follow through with the divorce although we had already filed for divorce.

Nobody can really tell you what to do with your life, [B][B]That's right. Please don't think I am telling you what to do. I am just looking at your issues from an outsider's perspective. It's up to you to pick what you can use or what you can throw away from my words. [/B][/B]but I do appreciate that people share their experiences from their own lives. Thank you, Writeleft for sharing your story and thanks to the rest of you who gave me something to think about. [B]I am not sure if you have already closed your thread. Maybe by posting here again I'm simply flogging the dead horse.[/B][/QUOTE]





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