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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Before I begin my story, I'd like to say I'm aware of how ridiculous I may sound, here goes...

I met this guy, I'll call him P, a few months ago. We were taking the same class in college and at the beginning when we initially met, neither of us tried anything since I was kind of dating this other guy (in the same class mind you) and it would be very awkward dating two people at the same time that were in the same class. After only a few dates I broke it off with the other guy, realizing that the age difference was just too big (9 years, he was older), some people could pull it off, we couldn't. A short while after that P and I reconnected. I could tell he was into me and even though I was into him I was apprehensive at first since we have very different personalities, yet we somehow work very well. Not only do I find him attractive but he is also what I consider intelligent, we can talk about almost any subject and he really has some deep and insightful things to say (which is a relief to me since I've dated a lot of air heads).
The most bizarre thing is the way we connected. Very unfortunately I developed a (yet unknown) illness towards the end of January that has taxed me very much emotionally. I go to see the doctor about once a week or every two weeks, seeing all kinds of specialists to try and figure out what is wrong with me. I've also been to the emergency room twice in the passed two months. The first time I went I needed someone to pick me up because I was given medication and couldn't drive, walk or even stand up, I called my friends but 2 were out of town, 1 was at school, and another at work, finally I decided to call him as kind of a last resort. He got there as soon as he could and told me I looked beautiful (and mind you that couldn't be further from the truth, I felt like I got hit by a truck and looked it too). He drove me home and picked me up and laid me down on my couch and asked me if I wanted anything at all, that he'd drive wherever and bring it to me. As out of it as I was I really appreciated how sweet he was and pretty much ever since then we've been dating.
Despite all the health problems I've been having he has been very supportive and understanding, as well as patient with all my "quirks." However...... he is a healthy and happy and motivated person, and I feel like its almost a punishment to him to date me. I know that can sound kind of crazy but I can't shake off the feeling that he (deep down) doesn't want to date a sick person. I used to be able to do my hair and makeup and go out and have a fun time but ever since I got sick things just haven't been the same, some days I push myself but I'm still not back to being where I was before and I feel like its going to take a while before I am. I brought this up with him and he said he'd stay by my side no matter what but I truly can't believe that. We're both young (early 20s), but hes healthy and deserves to go out and have fun, I'm sure he want to, of course he does. There's no way he won't lose patience with this. I feel I should break it off for his sake and to also save me from the heartbreak of the possibility of him leaving me because he's sick of dealing with me and my illnesses.
Suffice to say I'm sure it's pretty obvious I'm a bit of a wreck, dealing with my health and also with this relationship. He and I are exclusive, however we're not at the point where I could call him boyfriend and he could call me girlfriend. He talks about the future of us so I'm assuming we're going in that direction. He's essentially the "perfect guy" for me right now but I feel like this relationship is doomed. What should I do??

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