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[QUOTE=TRP29;3931827]I feel like if I leave him and he does have a mental illness that I am walking away from somebody who needs help. I wouldn't leave him if he had cancer. If I had an explanation for his anger like a mental illness than he could get help, start meds etc.

I don't feel like he doesn't respect me... not all the time. He does do things for me. He came to the hospital to visit my grandfather when he was sick. He takes my mom and I out for dinner. He comes to my lame family events and is very respectful and nice to my family.

I agree that staying sends him a message that he can do whatever he wants & I will just put up with it.... I agree that something needs to be done but I really don't want to walk away from someone that I love and who needs help. This isn't him.[/QUOTE]

Sweetie- Many abused women use this as a reason not to leave an abusive partner. The difference here is this: If he had cancer he would get help for it, right? Well, he has a real, true & valid condition that he needs to get help for now.

And of course he's going to do nice things- especially in front of your family members because he wants them to think he's this really great guy. It's almost like a "compensation" to you for being so mean and vicious. Those kind acts still do not justify, nor excuse the other terrible things he's doing. My ex did the same thing. In front of my family he acted like this perfect husband- always offering to help them, visiting sick relatives, holding my hand at the hospital while my cousin was about to die with cancer- all those wonderful acts that made my family think he was the perfect man.

I do have to note that while we were dating he was so nice to me. Opened doors, bought flowers, always telling me how beautiful I was. When we married he did a 180- literally- and didn't even wait until the honeymoon was over.

Your comparison of staying with him if he was sick to staying with him while he's abusing you is comparing apples to oranges sweetie. They are two totally different issues. You have to stop thinking that way because that is enabling him further.

Please, I am practically begging you not to allow this to continue. You need to get out. Go to a safe place such as family/close friend's house. Call him and let him know that until he is able to get real help and change the two of you must not be together.

Sometimes regardless of how much we love someone, we MUST put our safety first. I know you said you were totally miserable when you were separated in the past, but it sounds like you are miserable now. At least away from him you would be miserable and safe/not being abused.

Counseling for you is good, but he needs it too. You might also want to confide in your family about this. If they know, they can be strong for you when you aren't able to be strong for yourself.

I'm not trying to sound harsh, but I really hate to think of your situation turing into the horrid one I was in. Please take care of you, ok?

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