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[QUOTE=pendulum;3933852]Excuse me, but do you mean envious or jealous of her? There is a difference, isn't there?

More later, maybe...[/QUOTE]

i guess im jealous of her success because its something that i would like to do and shes made it. she released her first song around october last year and all of a sudden shes performing at raves. this was her first major rave that she played at saturday just gone. she's into the hardstyle dance scene and i dont mind that kind of music. i like all kinds of music. i came accross her on fbook. i added myself to a hardstyle group and she was there. my boyfriend is suprised but wishes her the best. he's suprised because she never showed an interest when they were together and he dj'ed himself a bit back then, just at local clubs and stuff. also he was going to marry her, this was 7 years ago, she wanted a family and now she's 28 and became a dj. now my cousin has a dj friend too who gives lessons to people and my cousin dj'ed at a wedding recently. shes just doing it for fun tho. i asked my boyfriend if he was still with his ex and all of a sudden she wanted to be this worldclass dj, would he stay with her? he said no, we wouldnt be compatible anymore. he moved away from the dj scene. he wants to concentrate on his career, get a house, move out and all that stuff and said he is over dj'ing. he just dj's for a friends birthday here and there. he even sold all his dj equiptment to put towards a house.

the thing is, my boyfriend is a great guy. he is so career minded and focused, smart and treats me well. he does so much for me, drives me around, we go on holidays together. im finishing uni and he is helping me with my resume, giving me tips. guys like him are truly hard to find. but on the other hand, dj'ing is really starting to interest me but he told me that if his ex wanted this if they were still together, they wouldnt be compatible because it doesnt fit in with his goals. he would wish her the best and say i cant stop you if thats what you truly want but the relationship would no longer work. his ex has said that we need more female dj's on the scene and i'd even contact her to say im interested. the other part of me says, how long does it all really last though? dji'ing that is. you have to be realistic, music interests can change and if noone likes your music, then i guess your out of the scene. and who knows how long harstyle music is going to be around. then what? you would be 30, single, no house, no career. i already have my future planned ahead of me and i dont know if its worth risking all that for something that might never work. i'd be angry at myself later in life. so yeah, i guess im jealous of her success. i think its great that she made it and dont wish anyone anything bad but deep down i wish it was me.

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