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I am very concerned about my future with my current boyfriend. We have been living together for around 4 years... he is a great guy, very popular, sociable and charismatric, 39 years old, like me. Our birthdays are even on the same day. He's the drummer in a local R and B band and everyone in town seems to know and love him, as do I.

My concerns mainly stem from his irresponsibility. He is a very sweet, highly intelligent, cheerful guy, very generous and loving with a stable job working for his family business and a nice home (which his parents helped him buy), but he has a very bad habit of avoiding taking responsibility for his mistakes or even admitting that he's made a mistake. His father is the same way, which makes me think it stems from his upbringing.

I am concerned that his hard-headed, stubborn attitude may affect our future together.

For instance... on our very first date, I stupidly had a couple of glasses of wine on an empty stomach and got drunk at the party we were at. He saw I was blind drunk and told me to go to the bathrooms and stay there till I felt better. I got lost on my way back from the bathrooms, and couldn't find my guy. I eventually passed out outside in the car-park, and when I woke up it was morning. He had driven me to the party as I can't drive (I never learned to drive as I have a driving phobia), so I had to spend nearly $60 to get a cab 30 miles home.

Afterwards, he was actually angry at me! He claimed he looked everywhere for me before taking off, and said he left because he thought *I'D* ditched him! He didn't understand when I asked him why he didn't call the police, or look harder, he just kept going on about how upset he was that I'd 'ditched' him, and didn't understand when I tried to explain to him why I was angry at him! Anything could have happened to me while I was outside, passed out all night in a public car park, but he refused to even talk about that.

And besides... how could I have 'ditched him' when he saw with his own eyes that I was so drunk I could barely walk?

To make things worse, I found out recently that he told everyone that he carried me home on our first date, rather than just abandoning me.

Three years on and we met at a bar and decided to give it a second shot. We made a fresh start and our dating has since been disaster-free.

But now we have been living together for a number of years and he is talking about marriage and babies. He is a lot of fun to live with as we have almost identical interests, but his irresponsible behaviour has very occasionally resurfaced in less dramatic circumstances... for instance, he once drove off and left me with some friends in a pub after an arguement, and another time he abandoned me at a big rock concert because I'd lost my ticket and he really wanted to see the show, so he went in without me and left me outside to wait for him. I didn't even have a cellphone, and because I still can't drive I was terrified that he'd drive off and leave me. I was so scared of being left behind that wound up jumping the fence and somehow (miraculously!) managed to find him in a crowd of 100,000 people!! He told me there was no way he would've left without me, but it was still very scary for me!

He has also systematically lost or given away every pet we've had together (and don't they say that men will treat their kids how they treat their pets...?).... which increased my worry about his irresponsibility. He gave away his young Scottie dog to a family member because he couldn't control its barking, and he left our white cat behind when we moved house and refused to return and help me look for it, because he was sick of it shedding on the furnature. I spent a lot of time and money looking for it, and he constantly grumbled at me for making such a fuss over 'a damn cat.'

Anyway, he asked me to marry him last night and I told him I'd think about it. I love him dearly despite all of the above, I adore his family and love our life together... but all these little things are pointing at a big irresponsibility issue which I'm worried may flare up again in the future. I can easily see him abandoning me or our marriage if something small goes wrong... and even telling everyone that I was to blame, even if I wasn't, just to protect his own self-image.

Am I overreacting here? All my friends say I should just 'talk to him about it'.... but how can I when he won't even admit he is at fault in any of these cases?

Sorry this is kind of a long post but I promised him I'd give him a decision about marrying him in a week. Any advice would be very gratefully appreciated! Many thanks in advance for your help! :-)
I agree with thisby,
if you continue to see this guy, don't drink when you go out, if you get tipsy on one or two glasses of wine (empty tummy or not) you don't have a very high alchol tollarance, its you that is irrresposable, the only thing I'd be pissed off at him about is when he leaves you all alone like at the rock concert ect,,...that shows he is selfesh and just wants what he wants or his way. in my opinion what I would have did was just say well only one ticket...aghh I did'nt want to see that old concert anyway lets go do something else how bout a game of pool back at the pub.

Rather or Not that he is a musican should not make any difference in how he treats you, guys like that just moves around a lot playing gigs and just happens to have a more repore with people ...>all kinds of people.

Its great that he is a pretty cool guy and he don't drink to much don't cheat, happy go luckly kind of guy and has a good personality...IMO he is just a selfesh man period.
If I was you I'd think long and hard before a marrige to this man.





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