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hey all,

im new to this thing but i needed somewhere to look for advice. i had dated this guy for 2 years and we had a very good relationship however after maybe three months into our relationship things started to become rocky. he became obsessive, jealous and would get angry about little things. we stuck together however, and overcame many many fights.

however, things got so out of control that he began to hit things whenever we had a fight and he would begin to shake and things would get completely out of control. we had fights practically every day and would hit poles/anything hard when i had done nothing. throughout our whole relationship i had never started a fight with him and i always tried to help him and assure him that i loved him. one day when he nearly hit me i knew that he needed help.

as time wore on things did not change and i became very isolated from my friends and at the time i was in year 11 and couldnt believe i had got myself into this situation. one of the teachers sent us both to a guidance councillor as he had seen things were going on and she seemed to help him and myself tremendously. we became friends and he respected my wishes, although for about six months we did have the occasional fight and he did continue to tell me he loved me.

now nearly a year later, i am in my final year of highschool and have moved onto another boy. once my ex heard i was dating someone else he started to loose control. he now harrasses me daily at school, tries to call me all the time, tells me he hates me and that ive ruined his life, has tried to on numerous occasions to fight my boyfriend, and he even spat on me the other day and called me a sl*t along with some other obscene words.

i am trying to ignore his behaviour but its draining me emotionally. he screams at me every day and tells me he has bi-polar and i should be with him to help him through it. his parents have sent him to numerous councillors - all of which he claims havn't helped him. since im in my final year i am trying to concentrate on my studies however i can't seem to be able to since my mind is always on this. this is causing me so much pain to see someone who i had previously been in a relationship with acting like this towards me. it has created this negitive effect on my relationship with my new boyfriend and i honestly just want to move on with my life and i want him to move on with his. throughout all this a part of me still cares for him and cares what happens to him. i have see that he has scratch marks on his arms now and is loosing his friends due to his behaviour. however, there is another part of me that dispises him for putting me through all this for over two years.

please if anyone has ANY advice on what actions i should take, it would be greatly appreciated.
Hi manderson19

Welcome to the boards. I'm so sorry to hear you are having so much drama in your final school year.

First thing is it is no way your fault for his behaviour, do not give in to his emotional blackmail. You are not responsible for the way he feels or behaves you have become an outlet for his abusive behaviour. This must change, your final year is important for you. Larrylou'smom's advice is valuable the school faculty and administration have a duty to intervene and stop his harrassment.

If you could talk to his parents and ask them to help you by explaining to him what effect he is having on you. It really sounds like he is ready to explode, just make sure your friends are around you as much as possible at school until things cool down. Your boyfriend knows what he is like after having a few run ins with him, I wouldn't be supprised if your boyfriend has become more protective of you.

Note down all the times your ex has harrassed you, keep a record of everything just in case you need to take it to the police.

Good luck in your final year! Hope this situation gets resolved soon.

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