It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

[QUOTE=Brokenheart88;3940822]Any advice for someone who thinks like this? I havent been in many relationships (Im 28) and it comes to bite me in the ass. Cause when I do find someone to date or get to know, I get too eagar to get to know them and tend to fall for them way too fast. And on top of that, since im not a patient person at all, it just wears off on me and ive lost girls in the past from trying to persue too fast, soon heavily. :o And I end up scaring them and they think im a freak cause I over analyze everything way too much and am too impatient. ARGH!!! No matter how hard I try not to fall for a girl too fast when getting to know them, I can never prevent it! Im always so anxious to gettting to know them and always get my hopes up and wanting to jump in right away :o

I feel so hopeless in finding a soulmate, in fact I know im going to die single. Ive had many breakups and most were of the horrible variety (couldnt have ended any worse than they did). :o Im just so discouraged now when it comes to even talking to girls. I use to be this sudle shy guy, but very laid back and would always approach girls that i were interested in. I was so upbeat, confident! But now? Im so discouraged and negative. I never approach girls anymore (even if they give me body signals), cause i feel so hopeless in finding someone and I feel so worthless, like im an outsider that doesnt deserve to have someone special in my life. :( I always ask myself "what did I ever do to deserve this kind of punishment?"

Its a fact that i have to live with for the rest of my life - as much as I dont want to, but Im going to die single, i will never be married and never have children.

Im so miserable right now,


Great advice from others on here so far, but I thought I'd throw in my two cents. I agree with what Seraph just said: I think you need to focus mostly on yourself and your social life right now. Maybe I missed it in one of these posts, but what happened a month ago that started making you feel depressed?

From what I can tell, it sounds like you're putting way too much emphasis on your love life and relationships right now. So alright, your life isn't exactly going as well as you would like, right? And I could be wrong, but I'm guessing you're probably hoping you're going to meet that amazing, special somebody, and she'll make everything in your life perfect. Does that sound about right?

Well, I hate to break it to you, but the only person in the world who can do that is the one reading this message right now: you, buddy. There are no perfect relationships in the world. There are no perfect people in the world. I noticed that you mentioned finding your soulmate. A great bit of advice I read somewhere said don't go looking for a soulmate, instead look for a soul-match. There is a difference. Think about that famous line from Jerry Maguire: "You complete me." Well, that's great for Jerry, but as for the rest of us, we need to complete ourselves. Love isn't supposed to do that for us. Love isn't meant to solve all of our problems. It's asking too much of a partner if you expect that much out of them. I think too many people are hoping for that kind of magical relationship when they say they want to find their soulmate.

Rather, if you shift your thinking a little bit, you can start looking for someone who will be a good "soul-match". She won't complete you or make your life perfect or anything like that, because it's not her responsibility. That's your responsibility. Instead, a partner who is a soul-match will complement your life in all the right ways. She can help you find balance. Maybe the two of you will have a lot in common, or maybe you'll be opposites (as they say, opposites attract). In any case, you will eventually find someone that you're very compatible with, and the two of you will make each other very happy.

But, I don't want you thinking about that stuff just yet, because there's a reason you're jumping the gun and coming on too strong when you meet girls. Part of it is your perception and your search for a "soulmate", but part of it is also that you're unfulfilled with your own life. Have you ever heard the rule about not calling a girl for three days after you get her number? Well, there's a reason for that, and it's not because guys are trying to be jerks or players. As you've seen, women can get frightened or turned off if you start coming on too strong.

If a woman feels like you're coming on too strong, too fast, it tells her that you're a little [I]too[/I] interested in her. Why shouldn't you be interested in her? I'm sure the women you're meeting are sweet, attractive, smart, etc. But you want them to know that you have your own life, with much higher priorities than some woman you met two days ago. I'm sure you have your own dreams, goals, interests, talents, and other important life qualities.

You need to put more emphasis on those things in your life, man. Because if all you're doing is calling up these girls nonstop and trying to make plans with them all the time, it seems like you've got nothing else going on in your life. Women see that as a warning sign: a guy who isn't happy with his own life, or who always has free time, could end up getting obsessed with a woman that he meets. Most women know that that can be really dangerous. I'm not saying all women think this way, but some probably do.

Even for your own benefit, it is important for you to focus on some other things in your life, you know? You've got to balance things, and try to keep everything in moderation. Socializing with friends, staying in touch with family, working out, managing your finances. You see, there's a lot more to life than meeting girls and dating, alright?

So that should help you cover a few of your bases. If you need help or advice with other aspects of your social life, like making new friends or anything, don't be afraid to ask us. Whatever you need help with, just post it on here. Hope this helps you out dude.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:37 PM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!