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[QUOTE=ka1;3947916]I’m not in denial..[/QUOTE]

Well, when you said show me a woman past 35 and still single and I'll show you a woman who passed on a man she shouldn't have, and two women in their 40s said no, not true, you moved it to 50, 60. etc. that's kind of a giveaway.

[QUOTE=ka1;3947916] I just refuse to lower what I think about myself just because she does not want to be with me. Tell me what good does it do me to think “yeah, she left because there’s someone better for her out there than me. I was not good enough.” Does that not seem silly? .[/QUOTE]

Yes, it does seem silly to say you're "not good enough' just because one person rejected you. But it's also very silly to be so insistent that she doesn't know her own mind and heart and made a big mistake in leaving you. It has nothing at all with you being good enough or not. She simply felt you were not the right guy for her. Let's say you're right. She's dim in the head and doesn't know what's best for her and made a mistake in leaving you, but never realizes it. What do you plan to do about that? What CAN you realistically do about that? Are you going to spend the next 20 years of your life just waiting for her to come back to you? How silly does that seem? All I'm saying is, whatever the reasons were why she left you, they are really none of your business. You learn your lessons, be the best you that you know how to be, and move on. She's made her choice and you can't unchoose it for her. the only thing you can do now is to accept that she chose to go, wish her happiness in the path she's chosen and work toward moving past it.


[QUOTE=ka1;3947916]If every woman was the best judge of what’s best for them, then there wouldn’t be so many damn advice books on getting man to the altar, there would not be the perennial movie scenes of the girls hanging out together complaining about men, there would be no Sex in the City, there would not be so many relationships stories on Oprah, I could go on and on. .[/QUOTE]

I have to say, this is rather chauvanistic and downright insulting. Of course there are a lot of men and women who date people that are unhealthy for them to be with. It happens all the time, but in the case of women, I would have to say that it's not just a matter of women not knowing what's good for them. It's a process, and it's also the fact that, especially as we get older, the pool of available decent, good guys dries up. Some women choose to go with what's out there rather than be alone or hold out for Mr. Prince Charming.

[QUOTE=ka1;3947916] but if you reach into your 50’s and 60’s and you’re single still, then I gotta believe that you passed on someone you should not have. Only the truly social handicapped don’t meet someone that’s good for them. And the same goes for men..[/QUOTE]

Well yes, I know you have to believe this. That also plays into the denial thing. I'm a virtual stranger to you, you know absolutely nothing at all about me or the men I've dated, yet you've decided that you know better than me whether I"ve passed up on someone I 'shouldn't have." Which also seems to be a contradiction of yourself. You say good men are very very hard to find, not at all like picking veggies at the store, and at the same time you say everyone has found one and thrown him away. That doesn't even make sense. I've only got 6 more years left before I hit 50, and if the next 6 are anything like the last 25, then I expect to still be single. I'm shy, but I don't believe I'm "truly socially handicapped." The hard, cold, ugly truth of it is, not everyone gets to meet that special someone. It's really just as simple as that. Love is rare, and it doesn't happen everyday, and it doesn't happen to everyone, no matter how much you want it or how ready for it you are.

[QUOTE=ka1;3947916]And I would caution thinking that is just fine with you. Humans were not built or made to be alone. And so while I doubt you’d go running off to jump off a bridge or anything, you won’t be as happy as you could. It can’t happen, because we, all of us are not built that way. It’s not the way God or nature designed us. And I say that about my ex. She can find another man. I mean she’s freakin gorgeous. Halle Berry has nothing on her, but if you think ALL men are created equal, well, think about that the next time you have a girlfriend dating a jerk.[/QUOTE]

No, I never said all men are equal. If they were, I wouldn't be single. I would have grabbed the first schmoe that gave me the eye. I do agree with you, as I've said many times before on these boards, if I never marry, no, I will not be as happy and will not have as full and rewarding a life as I would have if I had met a good, trustworthy companion and had a family with him. BUT...that doesn't mean I will regret passing up on the men I've passed up on. Because again, as I've said many times on these boards, alone sucks, but bad company is worse. One of these men that was interested in me was just as certain that he was good for me as you are certain that you are good for your ex, but he was wrong. And I prefer being alone, and will prefer to be alone for the rest of my life than have settled for him. I am not happy being alone, but I am much happier alone than I would have been with any of the men I passed up on. That's why I passed them up.


[QUOTE=ka1;3947916]Well, ask yourself. How much fun is the dating scene? I know her contemporaries in age, while she’s been secure for the last 7 years, most of them have had the following happen to them: abuse, cheating, exposed to AIDS, contracted AIDS(because of men sleeping with them and men at same time) used for sex, used for money, dated men with no spark, gotten pregnant and left, married and divorced, et. She’s been spared that. Now she’s gonna learn.[/QUOTE]


Believe me, I know all too well what a drag the dating scene is. But the "Now she's gonna learn" in your post sounds like the things you stated, being cheated on, contracting AIDS, etc, will be her punishment for choosing to leave you. I have to say that doesn't sound like love at all. Almost like you're wishing these things on her because she left you. If you ever really loved her, you'd be hoping none of these things happen to her, whether she comes back to you or not.

But I've strayed from the original point of the post, which is why would she come back. I don't think there is any reason why should or would come back to someone who is so angry with her as to wish or hope for these awful things to happen to her. And it's the wrong thing for you to be focusing on anyway. Consider this - how much are you depending on her realizing her "mistake" and coming back to you? It sounds like a lot. And hinging that much of your own happiness and well being on what another person will or won't do is never a good idea. It all boils down to this - she's made her choice, and really, the only thing left for you to do is accept it and move on. Anything else will keep you stuck in a very unhappy, frustrating place.





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