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Sunny, we haven't met with the counselor yet. I share many of your concerns on this topic. I think it is weird that she wanted to do this, but the test seemed harmless enough. Just a list of adjectives that I saw in myself and what I would like in her. I agree, however, that it SHOULD be about the journey, getting to know each other. Age DOESN'T matter, in the long run, . . . and you could be correct that she may be insecure, feeling like a "rebound girlfriend". I was actually shocked that she would even bring that up. Hopefully, this counselor will be able to clarify some things for her.

For me, I am just enjoying the time together, and am the type of person where, if something bothers her, I will be willing to make changes [if necessary] to accomodate her, . . . but as for this test, . . . I'm just going to see how it plays out, and [once again] hope that she hears what she needs to hear from him. I am trying to enjoy a new relationship, but it really is hard to do when she brings up concerns, from time to time.

Like this past Saturday. We had a great time in the middle of the day, but that evening, when things could have built on earlier, . . . she brings up the test, and her concerns, which caused a late night of talking rather than just enjoying time together.
[QUOTE=BeaTrade;3947944]Why don't you just tell this woman that if she has so d**m many concerns about you then just find someone else...ARGH...this is just ridiculous. It seems to me as if she's looking for a reason to end it anyway!:dizzy:[/QUOTE]

The same night she told me her concerns, she also said that "she isn't getting cold feet". But apparently, she thinks that I am further along than she is. She "likes me, enjoys spending time with me, ..."

Perhaps I'm a bit different, but to me, . . . if you become as affectionate as she has, . . . including her having [or wanting to have] sexual intercourse with me, . . . even this past Saturday (during the noon hour, . . . of which I didn't have sex with her, though), . . . it seems to me that a person who does such things would feel more than "like", but would be passionate. I think it may have meant more to me than it did her, sometimes, though I can't say that for certain. And that's a bit of a role reversal. From what I've always heard, it is the guy who takes the sex casual, and the girl who sees it as an intimate connection.

I could be wrong about it all. . . . .I've been wrong before, and I'm sure I'll be wrong in the future, so. . . :angel:
But what about my question? If this "test" shows that you aren't right for her, is she going to dump you? Or insist that you "work" on whatever the test shows you are incompatible or lacking? What about on her end...did she have to take a "test" and are you allowed to dictate what she does based on the results?

And why the dependence on this counselor? Does she have past issues that her counselor feels could cause her to have relationship problems? I've had a therapist tell me that I should do this and such, and I took it into consideration and if I felt it was right I did it, but if not, I just didn't do it!
Does she have underlying issues that she need to see a councillor? It sounds like she has problems with relationships and is following a guided plan which includes a comitment to taking a personality test.

After one month in you are already uncomfortable, you have a problem with the whole thing otherwise you would not of started this tread. As much as you are trying to convince yourself it is ok you can run with it something inside you is ringing those bells, a hugh red flag has poped up in your mind and you can get rid of it. As you say it doesn't make any sense to you, follow your gut feelings they always lead you in the right direction.

Don't ask yourself the question why she has done it but more what has made her do it. Has she had disasterous past relationships so asking you certain question will tell if you will go the same way. Will she hold you to your answers further on in the relationship, e.g in 1 year you have an argument and she turns around and say but you wrote on your answer you would do this.

All I am saying is that there is no crystal ball, we can't tell what the future holds in a relationship. People change, their ideals change, i'm sure the ideals you held as a youngster are far different from what they are now.

I still believe she is the I've got the wedding dress I just need to find the man it goes nicely next to.
Something must have happened for her to make an agreement with a counselor that she'd have the guy she's dating take a personality test. Maybe she's been abused by a boyfriend, or maybe she had issues growing up. However, it sounds like she is putting it on you instead of dealing with her issues on her own. Like, what if this so-called "personality test" shows that you are not right for her in some way. Is she supposed to tell you, "sorry, but this test you took and my counselor say you're not right for me so goodbye and have a nice life!". It would have been better for her to explain that she has issues she's working out with a counselor and could you please bear with her while she works them out?

So many people look great "on paper" and still end up not being compatible. For example, my ex-husband and I had similar backgrounds, both grew up going to Catholic school, came from lower middle class families, got scholarships and financial aid to attend college, liked a lot of the same music, both wanted no more than 2 children, etc...and no two people could be more incompatible. And the guy I'm currently seeing and I are "incompatible" down to our astrological signs being polar opposites...and we've been dating for 4 years and have our issues but care enough about one another to work through them. We are opposite "on paper" but that has no effect on our feelings, so we work through our differences.

Can you talk to her and ask why she would ask this of you? Let her know you care and want to help, but you can't unless she opens up at least a little to let you know what's going on with her? It would be too bad to end a potentially good relationship because she has past issues to work through and is relying on a piece of paper to tell her if she should date you or not.
She has past issues, yes. I would hope that she would realize that, as a girl who is in grad school for counseling, . . . that she would be able to grasp simple concepts like trust, . . .benefit of the doubt, . . . . . . and if she DOES care about me, she should be willing to work out whatever issues she is having, rather than ending what could BE a good relationship.

I believe that this session with the counselor is going to be next weekend. Last night was very tense and troubling, and I think she needs to work on her own issues rather than looking for problems.

I need to have a state of well being that, if it doesn't work out, . . . I'll be okay. I really like her, and a failure will be pretty bad for me.:(





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