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Can you tell the difference between hard to get, a player or interested but just irresponsible or perhaps has a bad memory?

Ive been talking to this girl for 8 days now, met last Thurs and the first night we talked for 2.5hrs straight. We have great chemistry and even she said so. She said she enjoyed talking to me and wanted me to txt or call her the next day. She said that she wanted for us to hang out sometime this week.

I txt her last Fri but no reply all day, I figured she was just busy. So Sat afternoon I gave her a call, no pick up but she called me back within the hour. But I was out with family for lunch and asked to call her back, when I did call her back she didnt pick up but again I left a message and she called me back within the hour. But I was just driving home and said I would call her back within 10mins I did, again no answer but she called me back within half hour.

So after all this, we finally did get to talk again, but only for 45mins this time as I had to be somewhere after. I said to txt me and she did, and we sent a couple txt messages. But after a few txts she just stopped txting me. I didnt hear from her for the rest of the night. She told me that she was going out that night, so I figured her friends just arrived...thats cool.

So Sunday afternoon I gave her a ring to see what she was up to, again no answer but I left a message. No call back all of Sunday.

Monday at work I was bored to decided to send her a txt to say good morning, she surprisingly replied back right away "hey im at work, txt you at break" - not surprised that she didnt txt me or even call me for the rest of that day.

Tues, I didnt call or text her, we didnt talk at all.

Wed, again no contact.

Thurs - she txt me when she was at work and asked how I was and whats new. I replied back (not right away) and we txted for about half hour. She said she wanted to hang out with me and go for a drink.

Right off the bat, I asked her if she was serious about wanting to get to know each other. If not, then tell me now, so I can move on as Im not into games. I was just upfront with her. She said that she still wants to get to know me and hang out, but shes just been busy with work but she did get my txts and voicemails.

We talked briefly about making plans for Friday (today), before she had to go back to work. I told her to call me when she got home. I was not expecting a call from her, but surprisingly she did call. So we talked for 3hrs straight and tried to make plans for Friday (today). I wanted to make plans for lunch but shes not a morning person and said she wasnt willing to wake up early, so she suggested at 9pm tonight after she gets off work. I said thats fine with me.

I suggested we go for coffee but she said she wants to go to a lounge/pub cause its a fri night, I said ok. I suggested a couple places, but she prefers a busier pub/loung. So I came up with a couple more places but she's never heard of them and wasnt familiar with the atmosphere there so she said that she would let me know in the morning after she looked up pictures of them, cause she wanted it to be upscale as she was going to dress up and didnt want to feel overdressed. She told me to call her at noon today as she had to work at 1PM and we could make plans then for tonight.

I was skeptical by now, cause I dont see why we couldnt just make the plans last night. I was also skeptical that she would even pick up her phone (she never has once before, what makes me think she will now?). But I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and called her at noon today, gee what a surprise...she didnt pick up, I left a message. No txt or call back from her so far today...

I just dont get it? If she wanted to do something tonight, why just toss me aside now? Why lie to me last night about still wanting to know me? Is she ignoring me? I know she wont call back, im not expecting a call from her today. She will probably call me in another 4 or 5 days, say the same shit..."been busy with work...lets hang out....blah blah blah"

Is she playing me for a fool?

Is she leading me on and being a tease?
Can you really be bothered trying to work this one out? If she isn't playing games, then she has absolutely no manners and is careless of your feelings to the point where you may as well not exist. I cannot stand being around such unreliable people, life is much too short waiting for that phone call or contact. Don't waste any more of your valuable time on this silly twit. Sera.
[QUOTE=Seraph;3944294]Can you really be bothered trying to work this one out? If she isn't playing games, then she has absolutely no manners and is careless of your feelings to the point where you may as well not exist. I cannot stand being around such unreliable people, life is much too short waiting for that phone call or contact. Don't waste any more of your valuable time on this silly twit. Sera.[/QUOTE]

I know what you mean girl, but I guess im just too nice of a guy and always like to give a girl her chances. I never want to jump to conclusions and just give up easily.

If shes no longer interested in getting to know me, cool...I understand, things happen, nothing I can do about it. But why lie to me last night when we talked for 3hrs and say ya "im still interested...ive just been busy with work....didnt want to call too late" blah blah blah. I mean is she not leading me on here? And not only that but so obviously intentionally? :mad:
Well, first of all..how old is this girl? That totally makes a difference. From what you wrote it sounds like she might be trying to play a little hard to get...no girl wants to seem too eager...so she's not going to answer every call or text. And by her calling an hour after she didnt answer your call...sounds like she wants the upper hand of this playing hard to get. It seems like a game, but thats how some girls play it. Like it or hate it...your still interested enough to ask this thread our opinions so roll with the punches and if you seem interesting enough without being overbearing I'm sure things will start to work out. Also, remember that often time people really are just busy...
[QUOTE=marie25;3945014]Well, first of all..how old is this girl? That totally makes a difference. From what you wrote it sounds like she might be trying to play a little hard to get...no girl wants to seem too eager...so she's not going to answer every call or text. And by her calling an hour after she didnt answer your call...sounds like she wants the upper hand of this playing hard to get. It seems like a game, but thats how some girls play it. Like it or hate it...your still interested enough to ask this thread our opinions so roll with the punches and if you seem interesting enough without being overbearing I'm sure things will start to work out. Also, remember that often time people really are just busy...[/QUOTE]

Shes 27, im 28.

Yes I realize that often people are just flat out busy. But is 2mins out of your day to txt me too much to ask for? Whats her excuse for avoiding my call yesterday all day? Again too busy? She was the one who kept suggesting we hang out. I just dont get this girl and her true intentions.

I already asked her thurs night when we last talked, if she was serious about wanting to get to know me. I shouldnt have to ask that again.
Being a tease is a game..I think it could end in your favor though if you take my advice I gave you before...You may think it seems stupid to play little games back..but that might just be what she's looking for...a challenge...
[QUOTE=marie25;3945425]Being a tease is a game..I think it could end in your favor though if you take my advice I gave you before...You may think it seems stupid to play little games back..but that might just be what she's looking for...a challenge...[/QUOTE]

She just txt me, she doesnt even make any sense! Shes all over the place.

"Hey sorry about last night, friends forced me to go clubbing. I knew youre not into clubs. Im with them now."

Forced to go clubbing eh?

Ya I know that she knows that im not into clubs, so that means she couldnt take 2 mins to call me to let me know that she didnt want to do anything? She had all ****** day to do it.

"Im with them now" - wtf is that suppose to mean? Dont tell me shes just trying to make me jealous. I dont need this ****** immature BS again if this is the case.

I dont even know if i should reply back. :confused:

Marie since you suggested I give her a taste of her own medicine - i should probably not text her back and wait for her to call (I know she will, cause she will be wondering why i didnt txt her back). And when she calls, not sure if i should even answer it. But the only thing is, she calls from a private number and just in case shes the kind of person who never leaves messages...i wouldnt know when she called.
[QUOTE=Brokenheart88;3945440]I wasnt expecting instant contact - I just wanted for her at the very least to show some effort and initiative in contacting me if she wasnt lying about really wanting to gettting to know me. I mean after the first couple times we talked on the phone, she went 5 days before returning my call or even txts. I know people get busy and may work a lot, but sorry...a call to someone takes 2 mins out of your day. Even a simple txt takes 20 seconds! Show some common courtesy! Its just careless and perhaps insulting to treat someone like last nights dinner.

But when she says that she will "call, text, get back to me" and she doesnt? How am I suppose to not think negatively of that? And the fact that she was so stuck on maybe plans for fri night, and even tells me to call her at noon on Fri just before she goes to work so we can finalize things....she doesnt even pick up and even more insulting ignores me for the rest of the day!

When I talked to her thurs night, she flat out said that shes serious about wanting to getting to know me and even suggested hanging out. She was always THE one who suggested us hanging out. But when we tried to make plans for fri night, she was making it so difficult, like a complete chore!

Im sorry but im just a straight up guy who speaks my mind and wears my heart on my sleeve. I like a girl, I show it and put effort into getting to know them. I make plans, I pick a day, time and place. But shes obviously not very accomodating.[/QUOTE]

I think you need to relax and not be so judgmental. You use words like 'lying' 'insulting' 'ignores' 'complete chore''not accommodating'. You have made it all her fault and not thought about your behavior at all. Has it occurred to you that maybe she really is busy in her life....maybe she isnt a person who wears her heart on her sleeve, may be she finds 'straight up' confronting.

What do you mean 'straight up'? do you mean honest or do you mean full on and to the point. think about the answer and compare it to your behavior. It can be a rhetorical question...
Reading back over your orignial post you contacted her every day for the first few days and then 'off the bat' you "asked her if she was serious about wanting to get to know each other. If not, then tell me now, so I can move on as Im not into games. I was just upfront with her." That is very confronting after only one week...I would have run a mile or if I was interesting in gettting to know you a bit better I too would have wanted a busy placve to meet. Also after just eight days you are questioning if she is playing games...I think it's all a little too full on.
Also re read your post, look at the language - 'I was bored so I txt her'' surprisingly she called back' 'not surprisinlgy she didnt call back''I was skeptical by now...I was also skeptical that she would even pick up her phone'. It is all very negative. You keep saying that she 'didnt pick up' - maybe she wasnt there or she was in the shower, you make it sound as though she was sitting near the phone but didn't pick it up because she knew it was you. Remember that you called off the calls in the first day or so becouse your were busy or driving or whatever and yet you seem to have a negative opinion of her not being able to take your calls.

I dont think that she is being selfish, I think she is being wary. I think you may be overwhleming her.

I'm sorry, I am not trying to box you around the ears, I just think that maybe you should give a little space, a little mysterious exploration to a potential new realtionship. I think maybe you need to have a little look at yourself.

J
[QUOTE=jsfai;3945514]I think you need to relax and not be so judgmental. You use words like 'lying' 'insulting' 'ignores' 'complete chore''not accommodating'. [/quote]

I'm not purposely being that way but its hard to not think negatively that's all. I still want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

[Quote] You have made it all her fault and not thought about your behavior at all. Has it occurred to you that maybe she really is busy in her life....maybe she isnt a person who wears her heart on her sleeve, may be she finds 'straight up' confronting[/quote].

Yiu have a good point - I never thought of that. But that still doesn't explain herself for not even calling me back on fri when she flat out told me thurs night that she wanted to do something on fri and for me to call her fri @ noon to finalize plans. How would you explain that? Anyone would take that as a slap in the face, especially since she txt me last night saying how she ended up going out with her friends fri night. So that gives her a reason not to at least let me know that she didn't want to do anything that night? Its called being responsible and having common courtesy.

[Quote]What do you mean 'straight up'? do you mean honest or do you mean full on and to the point.[/quote]

Straight to the point and I speak my mind. I have nothing to hide.

[Quote]Reading back over your orignial post you contacted her every day for the first few days and then 'off the bat' you "asked her if she was serious about wanting to get to know each other. That is very confronting after only one week...I would have run a mile or if I was interesting in gettting to know you a bit better I too would have wanted a busy placve to meet. Also after just eight days you are questioning if she is playing games...I think it's all a little too full on.[/quote]

After we originally talked 2 thurs ago - I called her on the fri, sat, sun. Nothing on mon, txt her on tues, nothing on wed and then she took the initiative and got in touch with me again on thurs.

[Quote] Remember that you called off the calls in the first day or so becouse your were busy or driving or whatever[/quote]

Big difference - when she called me back and I couldn't talk I called her back when I was available. Whereas she takes her sweet time. She even told me on thurs night that she had wed off work and just spent the day with friends. If she really was into me, and as busy as she says, you would think that she would contact me on her day off as opposed to when she's at work.


[Quote]I'm sorry, I am not trying to box you around the ears, I just think that maybe you should give a little space, a little mysterious exploration to a potential new realtionship. I think maybe you need to have a little look at yourself.
[/QUOTE]

True - well she txt me late last night saying "sorry about last night, my friends forced me to go clubbing, I knew you don't like clubs. I'm with them now"

Ok so she went out with her friends instead - that's cool, I have no problem with that. But still should have at least taken the 2mins out of her day to let me know that she didn't want to do anything anymore on fri. Its called common courtesy. Anyone knows this!

So now that she has txt me last night - what you sugeest I do now? How do I even react to what she said? I have no clue to be honest. Should I wait a day before replying back? Should I call instead? Should I give her the benefit of the doubt again and try to make plans with her again?

She does have tues and wed off work this upcoming week and said she would be up for doing somethingt then.
Furthermore, I just wanted to add this...

To be honest with you, right now I cant say that im all that interested in even meeting her. Why you ask? Well because from our long talk on thurs night, just from how difficult she was making it just to make plans for 1st meetup, totally turned me off and made me see nothing but negative flaws from her. Just the fact that she was making it a complete chore, and was picky "wanted a upscale pub cause she was going to dress up and didnt want to feel out of place"..."didnt want to go to a dead place cause it was fri night"....yada yada yada. Just that stuff alone, totally gave me the impression that shes just an attn ***** (pardon my language), and cares more about her surroundings and what others think of her, than me. I mean, I kept thinking...who cares if the place is busy or not? Who cares if its super fancy? She was being so picky!
Just from this talk on thurs night, made me lose just about all interest I had in her, in actually getting to know her. I dont know, but i was so turned off that night it wasnt even funny.

If I did still meet up with her, it would be brief (like coffee) just to see how she is in person face to face. I believe you have to meet people in person at the very least to see how they really are. Some act differently in person than verbally over the phone. Just to see who she is, but I just dont think I could take her seriously anymore.

The only reason why Im still even talking about her is because of how madly attracted I think I would be to her....physically.
[QUOTE=marie25;3945939]oooo...or mb she was "exagerating a bit" about how she looks and now is worried about showing you...the real her...Not that she's a dawg, but perhaps she talkd herself to too high of standards than what she feels she really is and is afraid that she won't still make your heart swoon...?? Food for thought hmm? That's why she has no problem talking on the PHONE for 3 hours?? and can't commit to meeting face to face? could be a possibility?[/QUOTE]

I dont think thats the case, but who knows. I just think shes playing too hard to get and is being a tease. Talk to me on a serious note one night for 3hrs, then flake on me the next like im nobody. :mad:
[QUOTE=Brokenheart88;3947260]


Thats 100% true - I have no interest in getting to know her anymore, it would only be to see if shes as hot as she says. But who cares now...

[/QUOTE]

I'm not convinced....I think you do care. But I think it has more to do with the fact that you don't like being knocked back...you are a dog at a bone. The tone is still sarcastic against her..
[QUOTE=jsfai;3947346]I'm not convinced....I think you do care. But I think it has more to do with the fact that you don't like being knocked back...you are a dog at a bone. The tone is still sarcastic against her..[/QUOTE]

Actually after I talked to her for 3hrs Thurs night, it made me realize just how different our lifestyles are and our personalities clash. So I did infact lost just about all (not all, but close) interest in her.
[QUOTE=jsfai;3947441]now you're getting to honesty...I'm sorry this one didn't work out for you. But my philosophy is that for every date that doesnt work, it gets you closer to working out what is it that you are looking for...
I wish you luck. Stay in touch....

Jsfai[/QUOTE]

I agree, but either way im still very upset at her for acting this way and doing nothing but leading me on and being a tease. God I hate girls like her!
[QUOTE=Brokenheart88;3947472]I agree, but either way im still very upset at her for acting this way and doing nothing but leading me on and being a tease. God I hate girls like her![/QUOTE]

That's OK. It's normal to be upset at her behaviour. But remember that 'hate' is a very strong word and usually has more to do with you and your feelings than anything to do with the other party. Next time try not to put your heart on your sleeve quite so early, it can be scary for a girl...
[QUOTE=Thisby;3948022]This girl has been totally playing you right from the start. She hasn't even met you and she's talking dirty and telling you how she's going to seduce you on the first date? GIANT red flag. (And btw, that's definitely [I]not[/I] classy, lol.) What's a shame is that you actually let her get into your head (as shown from all your posts about it) and you hadn't even met her! Next time at least meet the girl first. Playing on the internet or phone with someone is too easy, meeting is harder and will definitely weed out the time wasters. Good luck.[/QUOTE]

I agree and yes Im a complete moron for letting her get to my head and play me for the short time that she did. But that all roots from my problem of being too eager in getting to know someone when just meeting. I really need to work on this for future relationships. Like I said, I could easily avoid a lot of the burden, cause a lot of it I put on myself. :( I need to take it slow and just let things take its course. A friend told me to think of them as just friends off the start and it will give me more self control in how fast I progress in it.
I see that you're very preoccupied with girls who you view as being "hot". Those type of girls are typically more high maintenance and they tend to have that attitude about them where they think they can get any guy they want, so they don't treat them well. I think you should maybe start looking at people as a whole, including their personality and other traits also, because even if someone is average looking, they will most likely have more substance and a way more interesting personality than a shallow girl who only cares about getting attention.

In other words, stop going after girls just purely based on their looks. That's where you keep going wrong. That's why you keep getting played. Start looking deeper and get to know them on a more personal level because you'll find that a more average looking girl will most likely have a more interesting personality and she will not be as likely to treat you like you're just some puppy dog there to show her constant attention.





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