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I'm not solely attracted to lazy guys...in fact, I've felt varying degrees of more-than-friendly feelings for at least three men that I met while in college. Aside from them all possessing traits I like in a man, I also admired that they all clearly had ambitions. They were making something of themselves, and were thus confident in their abilities. It's just the two men I have dated my whole life happened to be lazy slobs. :D I'd likely have dated someone from college had I been single when I got here, but time wasn't in my favor, I guess.

Like I said before, DBF is going to be in charge of financially taking care of a house this summer. And I know he won't allow the house to get taken because his parents would have his head if he did. And I think our friend who is moving in - who has work ethic - might be able to give him a pep talk if he starts to falter. I have to say I personally disagree with the general consensus of "People don't change". I think they do...they just need a boot in the backside sometimes to do so. If he isn't willing to change for me, then I will just call it a lesson hard learned and move on.

I do think, though, I might just try not talking to him for a few days so then *I* will have things to talk about and that will give us fodder for a conversation.
[QUOTE=Dark Stranger;3957030]I'm not solely attracted to lazy guys...in fact, I've felt varying degrees of more-than-friendly feelings for at least three men that I met while in college. Aside from them all possessing traits I like in a man, I also admired that they all clearly had ambitions. They were making something of themselves, and were thus confident in their abilities. It's just the two men I have dated my whole life happened to be lazy slobs. :D I'd likely have dated someone from college had I been single when I got here, but time wasn't in my favor, I guess.

Like I said before, DBF is going to be in charge of financially taking care of a house this summer. And I know he won't allow the house to get taken because his parents would have his head if he did. And I think our friend who is moving in - who has work ethic - might be able to give him a pep talk if he starts to falter. I have to say I personally disagree with the general consensus of "People don't change". I think they do...they just need a boot in the backside sometimes to do so. If he isn't willing to change for me, then I will just call it a lesson hard learned and move on.

I do think, though, I might just try not talking to him for a few days so then *I* will have things to talk about and that will give us fodder for a conversation.[/QUOTE]

just to save a lot of back reading, how old are both of you? Also, have you two ever been to a stage in your relationship where you have broken up for a few days?
He's a loving guy in person, but he's just not that great at communicating over long distances, I guess. I still wish he'd try to talk to me a little more when I really need him to, though.

Maybe me not talking to him for a few days will allow him time to find things to discuss.
Does this guy ever leave the house and go out w/ friends and just hang out?

Not to be to personal here but, when was the last time you TWO discussed you relationship and the future, and I mean both of you , not you talking and him listening....
I can overlook the not working and the sleeping in...I do the same thing (except when I have morning classes). The job thing will be changing later in the year when he has to get a job in order to keep the house from being taken, which is good.

The game thing grates on my nerves at times when he ignores me, but I know he has to find something to do with his time; I don't mind when he tells me he has to place his attention on the game for whatever for a half hour or so, but I don't like being perpetually ignored. When I see him in person, he pays lots of attention to me and just doesn't want to stop holding me, so he isn't consistently neglectful.

Ignoring me when I need his attention is very annoying, but I have not yelled at him for it yet, so that may change. And he has one friend down the street who he goes to see maybe once or twice a week. And one of our mutual friends sometimes will bring a few dozen cans of pop and stay a few days with DBF and hang out. So, yes, he does get out a little bit; moreso than I do, probably.

And we had a relationship/future discussion a couple months ago, which I was glad to say did not involve arguing; usually such conversations do end with an argument. Our big issues remain unresolved, but that's okay for now since neither of us has talked truly seriously about marriage beyond that he wants to marry me someday.

And believe me, me ignoring him for a few days will make a difference; he will worry something happened to me. I recall once not talking to him for a week...not out of spite, but because I just plain forgot to log on. Since he knows I'm feeling down, maybe me disappearing will scare him into talking to me when I do choose to return. If not...well...I'm going to take my friend up on that date he offered to take me out on. :p
[QUOTE=Dark Stranger;3963038]I agree...there's nothing wrong with being alone. Relationships are choices rather than obligations.

On the upside, I made a new friend and I talk to him and hang out with him now, so DBF can be silent all he wants. I can be the quiet one now. :) Oddly enough, I have more in common with this friend than I do with my boyfriend.[/QUOTE]

I'm coming in late on this, but I just wanted to comment that you and you alone are the one keeping you tied to this boyfriend. You can very easily just break up with the do-nothing boyfriend and date the friend if he would also like to date you. You made a comment that you have met several men in college that you would have dated had you been single, but "time wasn't on your side." That's incorrect. It has nothing to do with timing, or fortuitous circumstances. You CHOSE NOT to date these great guys and YOU CHOSE to not be single and stay with the loser do-nothing boyfriend. It's a real shame, too. College is the last real chance to really meet lots and lots of great, single, relatively baggage-free men. It's a huge, huge mistake not to make the most of this time in your life. DO you realize you're even talking yourself out of wanting to have a happy marriage in order to avoid breaking up with gamer boy? That's nuts. Do you really want to end up 30, 35, this guy is still your gamer do nothing boyfriend, and you've had enough, but all the really great guys are now happily married with wonderful families, and the only guys left are freaks and weirdos, or men with crazy ex wives who want to make trouble, or men who have kids and make you third or fourth in line behind the kids, work, friends, and can't make time for you, etc.? When I was in college, I would have given anything to have had the romantic possibilities that you are so casually throwing away for the sake of a man who has nothing worthwhile to even contribute to your life. A real shame.
If I do need to learn the hard way, then so be it. I really do want to see if he will go back to the way he was personality-wise when I return from college. I do think that romantic nerd I fell for is still in that shell of a human of his and I want to at least try to bring it back out. I didn't spend this many years waiting to go back home to the guy just to leave him, so I definitely will be trying to see what I can do to remedy the issue that does not involve breaking up. Maybe the non-talking boyfriend is karma getting me back for the times I spent out with my friend and not being home; I have no idea.

The guy isn't completely worthless - he went into the military, but came home due to health reasons. He also graduated from the Job Corps. He has work ethic - he just needs a boot in the behind sometimes. I think we all need that sometimes.

And [B]RedNeon82[/B], it's easier than you think to get welfare. Someone I know told the welfare office they were too fat to work and they got benefits no problem. Others have claimed they were too stupid to work and have also received benefits. It's abuse of the system, but it can be done.
I agree with Rose, I couldn't respect a guy who had such an aversion to getting off his duff and working that he'd lie to get free money that honest taxpayers have been paying into to help those who truly need it (sorry, pet peeve).

I guess you do want to learn the hard way, which is certainly your right. Just don't be surprised when 4 more years go by and he's still sitting at the computer playing games and not "talking" to you. It's too bad, because it looks like you are building a good future for yourself and will be stuck with his dead weight.





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