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You've already given him plenty of chances, though. This is not the first time you've posted about him being this way. I remember the last time you posted about him and everyone told you back then to get rid of him. That was a while ago and nothing has changed, it has stayed the same. I'm just wondering how many more chances you're willing to give him?

This whole thing about having 4 years invested is a crock, too. If anything, it only reinforces to him how much you don't care that he's not working, after all of this time. It doesn't matter how long you've been with someone, the fact that he doesn't work and doesn't want to work is a huge issue. The fact that you are about to get your degree and he probably doesn't even have a high school dimploma is an issue. The fact that you're going to be off to grad school and he has nothing but his world of warcraft buddies online to hang with is a problem. There are a lot of reasons why you should just end it now instead of prolonging it anymore.

I'm trying to understand why you feel you need to wait. Do you truly believe that one day he is going to wake up and get a job and be the bf that you want him to be? That ain't gonna happen, my friend. He won't ever wake up and realize that his future and his relationship are on the line. He actually really just doesn't care. He doesn't care about himself not working and he doesn't care that you are upset about it. He will always be like this, as evidenced by the fact that nothing has changed in 4 years. Stop wasting your time! If you were single in college right now, your choice of potential bfs is a lot. Once you graduate, you will find it's a lot harder to find a mate out there in the real world. This is the time when you should be going out and having fun with likeminded people and realizing your true potential. But this guy you're with is a boring guy who has no life and no future. Yucky! He's not the one for you! Don't prolong the inevitable, you know it's not going to last, just end it now! Pull of the band-aid once and for all and start living your life!!!
[QUOTE=Dark Stranger;3955151]It's not that I don't like him - I must, since I've been with him for almost four years. I just don't like that he has no aspirations and no desire to find any; I'm a lazy slob too, but I want to do more with my life than play games. But as said before...if he won't shape up and get a job when I finish my master's degree, he won't be living with me. Not to punish him, but because I would not be able to afford to support us both.

Heh...part of me wonders something. He said he wants a big traditional wedding, but he won't work. My family is poor and his family is poor. I wonder where he thinks the money would come from to have a wedding, especially considering I want a non-traditional (and far less expensive) wedding.

Like I said, I want to give him a chance. If ever we reach a time where we would live together, I would expect him to have a job before we find a place to live. I want to see where this goes - four years is a long time to have invested in a relationship and I don't want to just up and end it.[/QUOTE]

The fact that your original question - how to get him to talk to you - was overshadowed by different considerations is perhaps a sign that the real problem lies elsewhere. Ultimately only you should know what is better for you, although you may be blinded by your love for him, your faith, your hope, whatever. To me, it sounds very shallow to be planning on the wedding ceremony rather than on how and where you both are going to live after marriage. Ok, give him a chance, another chance, that is, but don't let him alone make all the decisions. Have your say in all of this. Be realistic and ask him to be so, too. The deadline is coming. Even if he substantially changes as you are asking him to do, beware of the possibility that he may go back to his previous state as soon as you both settle down. If you really don't know what to do and if the advice given on this board sounds too strong and bitter for you, talk to your parents, your friends, your professors, a counsellor, a priest, anyone, who can help you look at the context more objectively and see better.
If I do need to learn the hard way, then so be it. I really do want to see if he will go back to the way he was personality-wise when I return from college. I do think that romantic nerd I fell for is still in that shell of a human of his and I want to at least try to bring it back out. I didn't spend this many years waiting to go back home to the guy just to leave him, so I definitely will be trying to see what I can do to remedy the issue that does not involve breaking up. Maybe the non-talking boyfriend is karma getting me back for the times I spent out with my friend and not being home; I have no idea.

The guy isn't completely worthless - he went into the military, but came home due to health reasons. He also graduated from the Job Corps. He has work ethic - he just needs a boot in the behind sometimes. I think we all need that sometimes.

And [B]RedNeon82[/B], it's easier than you think to get welfare. Someone I know told the welfare office they were too fat to work and they got benefits no problem. Others have claimed they were too stupid to work and have also received benefits. It's abuse of the system, but it can be done.





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