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The long and the short of it is - My fiance and I are getting married in 3 months, and I am in love with someone else. I love my fiance...but I am IN love with another. I know the immediate response I will get is - don't get married. But it is not that simple. I could post pages and pages of explanation and my thoughts...but I will try to make it more to the point.

I have been with my fiance for almost 10 years (engaged for 2) and we are in our mid twenties. We have had our ups and downs and even broke up for almost a year when I thought we would be getting engaged. He apparently thought differently. But we made it through that and I never looked back. My fiance is a great guy - one of those genuine guys that are hard to come by. But we have lost all passion for one another over the years. I know that he and I could live relatively happily...more as good friends than lovers...one of those "good enough" marriages, as they say. I know he will be a great dad and would do anything for me. But there is something huge missing from our relationship - the connection...somewhat physical...somewhat spiritual, etc.

Enter guy #2. I have known him for almost 3 years and we immediately had a connection. There was a time a few years ago when there was definitely an "emotional affair" taking place between us. He always told me he just wanted me to be happy. He said I needed to make a decision about my relationship, independent from my involvement with him. To me, this was impossible. I wouldn't be in the predicament I am in if I hadn't met him. I firmly believe this...there is something about him...my heart aches for him...it is unlike anything I have felt in a long time. I flat-out told him "if you just want me to be happy - what if I said it was you who made me happy, what then?" By that time some months had passed and he was more involved with a girl he had been dating before we ever met. At that point, we went our separate ways and talked here and there for brief moments. I continued to plan my wedding and resigned myself to the fact that the passion is going to die out in most relationships, and I'll be happy with someone who cares about me as much as my fiance does.

Fast forward to about 3 months ago when guy #2 slowly creeps back into the picture. That feeling in my heart gets stronger again...I think about him constantly (although a day never went by when I didn't think of him during the time we weren't really speaking)...I have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach like everything is turning upside-down again. Meanwhile he is still with his girlfriend who he has proclaimed is not the right person for him. It appears we are both really screwed up. It is not the kind of situation where, if I broke off my engagement, we would run into each other's arms and live happily ever after. As messed up as this all sounds - I know he doesn't want to be the reason for breaking up a relationship like this - and I know he hasn't been allowing himself to feel for me as strongly as I do him. I know the potential is there but he has a lot more strength than I do.

There are so many details and seemingly important points I am leaving out - but of course I can't explain everything. I am just looking for some guidance and I know the obvious answer...but like I said, I am engaged to a great guy that I know I COULD be happy with. My family and I have invested tens of thousands of dollars into a fast-approaching wedding. If we had gotten married 3-4 years ago like I had always planned, I think I would be happily married with a few kids by now. It is not as easy as cancelling the wedding for an unknown. No matter what the reason, if I were to even suggest cancelling or postponing the wedding, I feel like my family would hate me.

So many marriages end in divorce and I used to be the girl who would never accept a divorce for myself. This whole situation has changed me in so many ways. I have caught myself accepting the possibility of a future divorce. I don't like myself or my thoughts most of the time. I know I am a good person inside and I am deeply compassionate - which does cloud my judgement at times.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I'm getting older but really I am still so young... a lost, confused little girl who loves to love and wants to please everyone. Please help...where do I go from here...?
[QUOTE=anonymous5678;3960892]The long and the short of it is - My fiance and I are getting married in 3 months, and I am in love with someone else. I love my fiance...but I am IN love with another. I know the immediate response I will get is - don't get married. But it is not that simple. I could post pages and pages of explanation and my thoughts...but I will try to make it more to the point.

I have been with my fiance for almost 10 years (engaged for 2) and we are in our mid twenties. We have had our ups and downs and even broke up for almost a year when I thought we would be getting engaged. He apparently thought differently. But we made it through that and I never looked back. My fiance is a great guy - one of those genuine guys that are hard to come by. But we have lost all passion for one another over the years. I know that he and I could live relatively happily...more as good friends than lovers...one of those "good enough" marriages, as they say. I know he will be a great dad and would do anything for me. But there is something huge missing from our relationship - the connection...somewhat physical...somewhat spiritual, etc.

Enter guy #2. I have known him for almost 3 years and we immediately had a connection. There was a time a few years ago when there was definitely an "emotional affair" taking place between us. He always told me he just wanted me to be happy. He said I needed to make a decision about my relationship, independent from my involvement with him. To me, this was impossible. I wouldn't be in the predicament I am in if I hadn't met him. I firmly believe this...there is something about him...my heart aches for him...it is unlike anything I have felt in a long time. I flat-out told him "if you just want me to be happy - what if I said it was you who made me happy, what then?" By that time some months had passed and he was more involved with a girl he had been dating before we ever met. At that point, we went our separate ways and talked here and there for brief moments. I continued to plan my wedding and resigned myself to the fact that the passion is going to die out in most relationships, and I'll be happy with someone who cares about me as much as my fiance does.

Fast forward to about 3 months ago when guy #2 slowly creeps back into the picture. That feeling in my heart gets stronger again...I think about him constantly (although a day never went by when I didn't think of him during the time we weren't really speaking)...I have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach like everything is turning upside-down again. Meanwhile he is still with his girlfriend who he has proclaimed is not the right person for him. It appears we are both really screwed up. It is not the kind of situation where, if I broke off my engagement, we would run into each other's arms and live happily ever after. As messed up as this all sounds - I know he doesn't want to be the reason for breaking up a relationship like this - and I know he hasn't been allowing himself to feel for me as strongly as I do him. I know the potential is there but he has a lot more strength than I do.

There are so many details and seemingly important points I am leaving out - but of course I can't explain everything. I am just looking for some guidance and I know the obvious answer...but like I said, I am engaged to a great guy that I know I COULD be happy with. My family and I have invested tens of thousands of dollars into a fast-approaching wedding. If we had gotten married 3-4 years ago like I had always planned, I think I would be happily married with a few kids by now. It is not as easy as cancelling the wedding for an unknown. No matter what the reason, if I were to even suggest cancelling or postponing the wedding, I feel like my family would hate me.

So many marriages end in divorce and I used to be the girl who would never accept a divorce for myself. This whole situation has changed me in so many ways. I have caught myself accepting the possibility of a future divorce. I don't like myself or my thoughts most of the time. I know I am a good person inside and I am deeply compassionate - which does cloud my judgement at times.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I'm getting older but really I am still so young... a lost, confused little girl who loves to love and wants to please everyone. Please help...where do I go from here...?[/QUOTE]

Its pretty simple..make a decision. Be happy. Your just making things worse..Maybe take some time off and be alone for a little while to think about what you truly need to do. Nothing or no one says you have to be with either of them. In the mean time, I would quit talking to the guy not involved, focus on the relationship at hand before you hurt someone worse than your already going to..If your fiance is such a great guy and all, he deserves someone that is faithful to him and only him, desires him and only him.





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