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Re: Out of Time
Apr 24, 2009
[QUOTE=Redneon82;3965974]No, I don't think you should absolutely rule out the possibility after the first date. But I don't want to think about a guy as a potential boyfriend on the first date. I just can't imagine thinking that way right off the bat. If you like a girl and the date goes well, then by all means, ask for a second date! And if that goes well, another date, add in some weekday TV time or a coffee date, and go from there.

I'm not searching for a husband or boyfriend right now, so maybe that's why my approach is different. But I've never gone out with a guy thinking "I wonder if he's THE ONE???" That's just not me.

You do what's right for you. I just don't think that every girl you see can possibly be a potential girlfriend. But you have a great chance of meeting a girl you really like if you take some chances and ask for dates. So I wouldn't worry about holding off on meeting girls and going on dates just because you don't think you have time to develop a relationship. Why miss out on meeting cute girls?? It's fun![/QUOTE]

Alright, now I think we're getting on the same page. You know, I think you're right, I am definitely over-thinking things and look too far ahead. You made an excellent point, you don't date guys and wonder if they're the one. At the risk of sounding really pathetic, I sometimes find myself wondering this about cute girls that I see around campus. Just the girls that I see, let alone the ones I try talking to or, when the time comes, the ones that I take out for dates. I shouldn't say that I start wondering if every girl could be the one. But the way my mind works, I do find myself sometimes checking out a girl somewhere, and I just start imagining what it would be like to have her as my girlfriend. There was a girl a few months ago that I was interested in; I asked her out to lunch, but I found out she has a boyfriend. Before I actually worked up the nerve to ask her out, I found myself thinking about her a lot and imaging the stuff we could do together as a couple. I found out she lived in Syracuse, and I imagined myself driving up every so often to visit her, and my family telling me how foolish it is to date someone so far away, and so on.

I know, this is kind of ridiculous, and I really need to learn not to think about things so much, and just relax a little bit. I don't know what to tell you. I guess I like to plan ahead. I have a very vivid imagination. And my mind is always working. I don't mean to make it seem like I'm desperate for a girlfriend or anything, because I'm not. If I were really looking to meet someone right now, I would try harder to overcome my fears and insecurities, and I would try to actually talk to a few of them. But yeah, you're right. The bottom line is, I need to stop worrying about everything so much and start taking some chances.
Re: Out of Time
May 6, 2009
[QUOTE=rosequartz;3976810]Plax don't get discouraged.....boyfriends come and boyfriends go....
just because they have one now doesn't mean he'll be there forever.....
get to know someone, bide your time......
timing is everything![/QUOTE]

That's not a terrible idea. But like, if I get really close with a girl who I like and who is in a relationship, then if she eventually breaks up with her boyfriend, I wouldn't want to be in a position where I felt like I broke them up. Do you follow me?

For example, I actually already kind of did this back in high school. I started falling pretty hard for a girl I was friends with, but she had a boyfriend. Everyone knew I liked her, and she and I still spent a good amount of one on one time together while they were dating. I was friendly with her boyfriend, too. I was always nice to him when he was out with me and my friends. I don't know if that made my position of having feelings for his girlfriend better or worse. They broke up and I ended up taking her to my prom, although we never ended up dating or anything like that. But looking back on that, I feel like if I were her boyfriend, I would have hated my girlfriend giving all this attention to another guy that likes her (actually, come to think of it, I guess that's not all that different from what my ex-girlfriend was doing to me last summer).

So I mean, yes, I could still be friends with girls who have boyfriends, and I could still take time to get to know them, and I should. But I just need to make sure I show some self-control and make sure that I don't start really falling for someone who has a boyfriend. Maybe I'm old-fashioned or whatever you want to call it, but I really feel like it is wrong for any guy to come between a couple and create problems for them. I always try to be a gentleman, and a gentleman wouldn't do something like that. There are some women who, you just have to convince yourself that they're off-limits.

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