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Re: Out of Time
Apr 24, 2009
[QUOTE=Redneon82;3965766]See, I think you're still in the same mindset. You don't want to approach girls because you're leaving so "nothing could come of it"? You're still thinking you should only approach girls for the purpose of finding a girlfriend. Have you ever heard of just dating? Not with a mindset that every girl you date has to be a relationship, but just on a "getting to know you", having fun basis? And I don't mean casual sex. I mean that you don't have to hold off dating because you don't have time to develop one conversation into a relationship. It sounds like you think every conversation has to result in you making that girl your new girlfriend.

Relax! You don't have to be "girlfriend-hunting", you can just enjoy talking to and hanging out with a girl for the evening and leave it at that.

One of the most fun nights I've ever had was when I went out with a group of my girlfriends, and we met these guys, and played pool with them, had some drinks, talked, etc. No one was looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend, no one was trying to "hook up" or get some sex, we just laughed a lot and had a great time...then everyone went home. Consider doing something like this...I think you need it.[/QUOTE]

I don't understand the first thing you said. Why would I take someone out on a date if I didn't want her to be my girlfriend? Isn't that the whole point of dating? If I didn't want a girlfriend, I wouldn't try to ask anyone out on a date. Not every date will turn into a relationship, but I would hope that the dates that go well would lead to subsequent dates, which would eventually lead to a relationship. Am I missing something? Isn't that what it's all about?

I mean, let me ask you this, if a guy took you out on a date, and you had a good time, and he was nice and handsome, etc., and you were interested in him, wouldn't you want to go on another date with him? And then another, and another, until the two of you decided to get into a relationship? If the first date went well, why would you ever not want to go on a second date?

I was out at the bar with friends last night, guys and girls. I guess that's a little different than what you're talking about. And in the situation you described, maybe you and your friends weren't looking for anything more than a game of pool with these guys, but how do you know none of the guys were trying to get your numbers? Just because it didn't end up happening doesn't mean that it's not what their intentions were. I mean, I understand what you're saying, I guess I'm just trying to play Devil's Advocate or something.

I've also got to say, the situation and the social dynamics are a little different there. You're at the bar with some friends, and a group of guys asks you to play pool with them. That could be totally innocent. With my situation, it would probably just be me, going over to one specific girl, and trying to strike up a conversation or something. That's much more direct, and I think that women, especially when they're out at a bar, are a little bit more guarded. I think most girls would probably assume that if a single stranger, like myself, comes over to start chatting, it's because he's got one thing on his mind. And then, based on my looks and the impression I make, she could talk to me for a few minutes, or if she's not interested she could totally blow me off. You see what I'm getting at?

I don't mean to totally discourage what you were saying, because I do like your advice, and it might be very nice to just meet up with a few girls, joke around and have some fun, and then that's it. I kind of do that already, except the girls are usually girls that I've known for a while, not ones that I've just met that night.
Re: Out of Time
Apr 24, 2009
[QUOTE=Redneon82;3965974]No, I don't think you should absolutely rule out the possibility after the first date. But I don't want to think about a guy as a potential boyfriend on the first date. I just can't imagine thinking that way right off the bat. If you like a girl and the date goes well, then by all means, ask for a second date! And if that goes well, another date, add in some weekday TV time or a coffee date, and go from there.

I'm not searching for a husband or boyfriend right now, so maybe that's why my approach is different. But I've never gone out with a guy thinking "I wonder if he's THE ONE???" That's just not me.

You do what's right for you. I just don't think that every girl you see can possibly be a potential girlfriend. But you have a great chance of meeting a girl you really like if you take some chances and ask for dates. So I wouldn't worry about holding off on meeting girls and going on dates just because you don't think you have time to develop a relationship. Why miss out on meeting cute girls?? It's fun![/QUOTE]

Alright, now I think we're getting on the same page. You know, I think you're right, I am definitely over-thinking things and look too far ahead. You made an excellent point, you don't date guys and wonder if they're the one. At the risk of sounding really pathetic, I sometimes find myself wondering this about cute girls that I see around campus. Just the girls that I see, let alone the ones I try talking to or, when the time comes, the ones that I take out for dates. I shouldn't say that I start wondering if every girl could be the one. But the way my mind works, I do find myself sometimes checking out a girl somewhere, and I just start imagining what it would be like to have her as my girlfriend. There was a girl a few months ago that I was interested in; I asked her out to lunch, but I found out she has a boyfriend. Before I actually worked up the nerve to ask her out, I found myself thinking about her a lot and imaging the stuff we could do together as a couple. I found out she lived in Syracuse, and I imagined myself driving up every so often to visit her, and my family telling me how foolish it is to date someone so far away, and so on.

I know, this is kind of ridiculous, and I really need to learn not to think about things so much, and just relax a little bit. I don't know what to tell you. I guess I like to plan ahead. I have a very vivid imagination. And my mind is always working. I don't mean to make it seem like I'm desperate for a girlfriend or anything, because I'm not. If I were really looking to meet someone right now, I would try harder to overcome my fears and insecurities, and I would try to actually talk to a few of them. But yeah, you're right. The bottom line is, I need to stop worrying about everything so much and start taking some chances.





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