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Re: Out of Time
Apr 21, 2009
Yeah, I guess that could work. You're right, I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I should. Maybe I'm just looking for something else to worry about other than my homework, lol.

I did have another question that's a little off-topic, but I don't feel like starting a whole new thread to talk about it.

So on this field trip I took over the weekend, there were some cute girls in our group who I didn't know very well beforehand. I was talking to one of them in the car a little bit one morning, and I felt like we were hitting it off. But then, later in the day, I noticed that the more I tried talking to her, I felt like I was getting negative feedback. She would open her phone and start texting somebody. And she is recovering from ACL surgery, so hiking around in the forest was a little difficult for her. I was trying to be a gentleman and help her get around, but then even I started to feel like I was being overbearing and I felt like I was annoying her.

Now I'm thinking that I was reading too much into her being friendly with me. You see, I thought maybe it might have been because she was interested in me or something, but like I said, the more attention I paid her, it seemed like I was getting a negative reaction. I probably just got the wrong idea when she started talking to me. So the next day, I just cooled my jets a little bit and stopped showing her so much attention and everything, and she seemed to open up to me a little more. But yeah, so the nonverbal message I felt like I was getting from her was like, "Chill out, I'm not interested in you, I was just trying to be nice and make some small talk." And then when I did chill out and stopped acting like I thought she liked me, she seemed to appreciate it.

There was another girl on the trip, too. I didn't spend as much time hanging out with her, but we did talk a little bit. She lives right around the area where we were camping, so I was asking her about what kind of wildlife were around and what it was like growing up in such a rural setting. But again, the more interest I seemed to show in her, the more she seemed to try to back off. There was an open seat right next to me at the campfire, but she chose to sit next to some other guy. I saw her yesterday in our college library, and we were talking for a few minutes, but she seemed kind of eager to take off.

I'm totally reading too much into things, aren't I? I mean, I don't know, if an attractive girl starts talking to me, it's not wrong for me to think that there's a possibility that she might be doing so because she's interested in me. Right? I don't want to be totally aloof. And like, with the ACL girl, I thought I detected that she might be attracted to me, so I started reciprocating the attention. I got a negative reaction, so I assumed that I had misread the situation and I just backed off, and that was fine. But anyway, was I coming on too strong in these two instances?
Re: Out of Time
Apr 24, 2009
[QUOTE=Redneon82;3965766]See, I think you're still in the same mindset. You don't want to approach girls because you're leaving so "nothing could come of it"? You're still thinking you should only approach girls for the purpose of finding a girlfriend. Have you ever heard of just dating? Not with a mindset that every girl you date has to be a relationship, but just on a "getting to know you", having fun basis? And I don't mean casual sex. I mean that you don't have to hold off dating because you don't have time to develop one conversation into a relationship. It sounds like you think every conversation has to result in you making that girl your new girlfriend.

Relax! You don't have to be "girlfriend-hunting", you can just enjoy talking to and hanging out with a girl for the evening and leave it at that.

One of the most fun nights I've ever had was when I went out with a group of my girlfriends, and we met these guys, and played pool with them, had some drinks, talked, etc. No one was looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend, no one was trying to "hook up" or get some sex, we just laughed a lot and had a great time...then everyone went home. Consider doing something like this...I think you need it.[/QUOTE]

I don't understand the first thing you said. Why would I take someone out on a date if I didn't want her to be my girlfriend? Isn't that the whole point of dating? If I didn't want a girlfriend, I wouldn't try to ask anyone out on a date. Not every date will turn into a relationship, but I would hope that the dates that go well would lead to subsequent dates, which would eventually lead to a relationship. Am I missing something? Isn't that what it's all about?

I mean, let me ask you this, if a guy took you out on a date, and you had a good time, and he was nice and handsome, etc., and you were interested in him, wouldn't you want to go on another date with him? And then another, and another, until the two of you decided to get into a relationship? If the first date went well, why would you ever not want to go on a second date?

I was out at the bar with friends last night, guys and girls. I guess that's a little different than what you're talking about. And in the situation you described, maybe you and your friends weren't looking for anything more than a game of pool with these guys, but how do you know none of the guys were trying to get your numbers? Just because it didn't end up happening doesn't mean that it's not what their intentions were. I mean, I understand what you're saying, I guess I'm just trying to play Devil's Advocate or something.

I've also got to say, the situation and the social dynamics are a little different there. You're at the bar with some friends, and a group of guys asks you to play pool with them. That could be totally innocent. With my situation, it would probably just be me, going over to one specific girl, and trying to strike up a conversation or something. That's much more direct, and I think that women, especially when they're out at a bar, are a little bit more guarded. I think most girls would probably assume that if a single stranger, like myself, comes over to start chatting, it's because he's got one thing on his mind. And then, based on my looks and the impression I make, she could talk to me for a few minutes, or if she's not interested she could totally blow me off. You see what I'm getting at?

I don't mean to totally discourage what you were saying, because I do like your advice, and it might be very nice to just meet up with a few girls, joke around and have some fun, and then that's it. I kind of do that already, except the girls are usually girls that I've known for a while, not ones that I've just met that night.





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