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Hi! this is my first post. I'm so desperate and lonely, I was calling friends to spend the weekend talking with someone but only one has responded today, and I will meet this friend tonight, so in the meantime I'm really desperate.

This is the situation, I was living together (not married) with this girl, she got pregnant on the first month out of jealousy. That's right, she cheated and I got all mad and tried to break up, but then she followed me, and asked me to have my child, so in that storm I told her that I'd give her a child and we'd be living together forever.

So, 4 years has passed, and now she's cheating again, and this time it's she that wants to get separated. I already told her that I'd forgive her if she eliminated every trace of the guy and never contact or see him again, and at first she kind of accepted, but later she regretted it and told me that our relationship was finished.

You might be wondering how could a person accept stuff like this, from the beginning, and keep wanting her to come back. The thing is, she was really young when we started dating (she was 17, it's kind of regular stuff in the country I live to see couples that young, don't be too harsh on me), and I was very socially inmature at my 23s. During these 4 years, I almost forgot what she did to me, but she really turned my life hell, she always complained about something, she wanted all my attention, didn't want me to see my friends and ordered to eliminate all the female contacts from my messengers. She fought with all my family, we were living at my parents and we had to find another place to live (a judge ordered it because my sister reported her to the police during the violence outbreaks from my gf). Yes, she is violent, self destructive, manipulative, control freak, etc.

During these 4 years she consistently threatened me to make fake police reports about physical abuse or whatever if I decided to dump her. She never realized the threats, I think it was only phony threats to keep me by her side. So all these years I grew more distant every day. I blamed the work, the routine, whatever I could come up when she complained about me being cold, and not having regular sex with her.

We got separated from time to time, but I went to my parents', and she always went there to recover me, and it didn't took long each time for her to bring me back. I really missed her, when I spent 1 week away from her I forgot all about her abuse and wanted her back. Also, there's the sex, it was good, and she made sure to make it to me to keep me with her.
At some point I tried living in hotels, but it was hard, and I didn't really had that much money to keep that lifestyle, and it was really lonely, away from family and friends.

The thing is, now that she's seeing someone that she met on the internet, I realized that I really neglected her for the problems we had. I provided her with everything she wanted that I could afford. I did whatever I could to satisfy her, but at some point it was evident that I could never be the man that she wanted and I really stopped caring about my health, my independence and my needs. I got cold, told her many times that she needed to get her life back without me, and remake her life with someone else, and stop making my life hell. She never agreed to this so I was kind of depressed that this was going to last forever.

But suddenly, a month ago things started to change. She started to act strange, she started to let me go and see friends, she wasn't so annoying at me most of the time, like she wanted some space for herself. Then she started to spend nights using facebook and stuff, and I really didn't care about it, because I felt she wasn't on my back all the time, but instead she was asking me to leave her alone when she was with the PC.

A week ago then, she went to a concert and said she was going with some friends from facebook that were friends from her real life friends. Then I was alone waiting for her, and logged in on her email account because it was a very old password that she shared with me. There I found the evidence that she was cheating with a guy since a month or so ago. I confronted her when she came back and at first she denied everything until I told her that I logged in on her email account and found proofs about it. At that point she agreed that the best thing to do was to break up.

A week has passed and we talked about it a lot, tried to reunite again, but she agrees at first and then she turns distant, I promised her that I would give her more attention, that I would make love to her every day, anything that she asks, but after making love we started to discuss, and she would tell me hideous stuff, details of her sex encounters, how many times they made love, etc. Then I would go back to my parents and she would call me at night to go back and be with her, and I did it. But the whole week she lied to me about her intentions to let go on the other relation, I found further calls to the other guy on her cellphone, she tried to contact him on messengers, etc.

On friday I couldn't take it anymore, and I took all my clothes and things I needed to work, and left home. But I'm too depressed now. I really crave for her attention, but I know she plays with me because I forget to easily. I try to keep my mind busy but everytime she fills up my thoughts. She sends me messages at night saying she misses me, and I try my best to not answer because it hurts, and I know she's confused and will hurt me once again.

From what I've talked to my friends, and what I've privately realized, is that I really need to seize this opportunity to separate from her once and for all. She doesn't regret what she did at all. She risked everything for the other guy, the family we have (our son is 3 yrs old), the economic safety. She doesn't care about how I feel when she calls me at night. She even asked me to babysit the kid at night so that she could go out and have a nice time (surely with the other guy, even when she denies it, I know because I have proofs, that she calls the other guy when I'm not around).

It's obvious she hates me from the start, I was just there to fill up a void that now she's filling with someone else. But it's so hard to remember all her lies these, how she told me she loved me and she wanted to be with me forever, and minutes later she would post on facebook that she didn't love me so that the other guy could see it.

And the most sad thing, is that I want her with me, that I find it really hard to be firm on this and ignore her. I've done it for a few days, and it's killing me, and I told her that. But she doesn't care, she doesn't want me back now, and I told her that me neither, but I know I'm lying, and I'm just ignoring her for her to come back.

I have an appointment tomorrow for counseling, but if you guys can help me in any way till then, it will be much appreciated. I'm desperate, I eat so little, I sleep so badly, I'm in this sentimental roller coaster in which I hate her and the next time I miss her, and want to hug her, and ask her to choose me.

I'm really sick, right guys? Please please help!

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