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Thanks so much for your advice! I am glad to know that you think the behaviour is not quite normal. I was even looking into Borderline Pers. Disorder as it is quite amazing how he turns from being so adorable to seething with such hate.
I had to go back home-we just don't have enough to keep haemorraging money at the hotel, though I know there are more important things, like my mental health and safety to consider. I have told him we will live seperate lives till I find myself somewhere to stay. Please God, I hope I stay strong and don't fall back into the trap of forgiving him because he is being sweet and cute and sorry.
In the end he did call me-but as predicted only to tell me I had to look after the business. That's not the only reason he wanted to talk to me I'm sure, but he knew that by only reducing me to a business colleague, that would hurt me. And he is all about inflicting pain. He has been doing it for years.
I have finally realised that I think he is really ill. I don't mean to just put all the blame and him and I sure have faults too, but the way he keeps up these destructive patterns is not normal. Plus the fact that I have never seen him feel guilty about anything in his life. Not for all the evil things he has dont over the years which I haven't even gone into here, not for spitting in my face when I told him my mother was in hospital or using the worst insults imaginable or all the other evil things he has done.It is amazing how little self-awareness he has. When I spoke to him, he said he has been going through hell after when I have done the last few days!!!! I said 'are you crazy"? The only thing I did was escape from you!!! Why don't you think about what lead me to have to escape?!! It's certainly not for the joy of being alone in a hotel room for three days. I can't believe the way he tried to turn it around and make me seem like the bad guy-he has been doing it for years and no more.
He needs help. So do I for staying with someone like him. I hope in a year's time I can look back and the nightmare will be over. I wish I hadn't been made to feel like a piece of dirt my whole childhood-maybe then I would feel as though I am worth more.
Anyway, thank you so much for listening and for the advice. It really does give me strength. Thank you again.





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