It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Its hard for me to make this topic because its so hard to put this into words. We have been dating for 2 years and a month, and things lately have been really bad (lately meaning the past month and a half). We got into a really big argument, and she said some mean things to me, and i decided i need a day or two apart to decide if we can continue our relationship. Well the next day, her brother knew we were fighting so he took her to the beach to keep her mind off things. Well after awhile, her brother left to grab some food and said he would come right back, and she got bored and started to head to her car. In daylight, someone attacked her and raped her. It was a stranger, and the police believe it was a tourist.

She lied to me recently about it, she made up some crazy story about something that happened on the beach, then she made up a bunch of things. She says the police told her not to tell anyone, especially me because people have a habit of acting wrong and making the situation worse for her, or trying to take it into their own hands.

This is the second time she was seriously raped. First time when she was 13 by a stranger, and she had to get an abortion. She resorted to promiscuous behavior and abusing drugs and alcohol for a few years. I met her when she was about to be 17, and i was 18. It was a very rough relationship, because i had to deal with her telling me stories about other guys, dressing overly revealing, and me being horribly insecure thinking she was cheating on me because of the way she acted. Two years later, she thanks me all the time because she claims i brought the real her back to life, she doesnt do stupid things, she doesnt act bad, and she acts like a normal happy person. She tells me all the time that i "saved her life".

When it comes to the first attack though. The first one never bothered me, the situation i mean, but the fact that she resorted to doing bad things and began to ruin her life is what did. None of it bothered me, because the way i see it, its not her fault, she had no control. Second attack that just happened recently, i feel the same, it doesnt bother me too much, but i am worried about her.

(What i want for her)
I want to be there for her to help her, but i dont know what to do. I really dont want to see her ruin her life again through drugs, alcohol, or whatever. I thought about taking her to Florida to an amusement park, like we talked recently about it before anything happened, but i just cannot afford it and nobody will help me out. I want to do something for her, i keep trying to be honest with her, and tell her it doesnt bother me, what bothers me is whats going on in her head right now. She is an amazing person, who was lost because someone violated her at a young age, but i brought it back. Now i am afraid it will go away again. She claims she has wanted to hurt herself and do drugs, but she said she got really close, but turned away in the end.

(What i feel honestly about this)
To be true to myself. I feel like its 95% my fault, if we werent fighting, she wouldnt have had to be there. I feel like i am 95% to blame, 5% to her brother leaving her alone. Also, to be true to myself. It really does bother me, but in an abnormal way. I have been insecure with our relationship, to the point where when anyone checks her out when we are out in public, it destroys me, makes me furious, and completely hate myself. I am afraid that after this has happened, i might lose it if a guy is looking at her, because cognitively i will assume they want to hurt her. I am afraid our relationship was already really broken before this happened, but it was fixable. Now i REALLY want to help her through this, and make her feel like the amazing person she is. But i feel like after she feels better, i need to leave her and get away from this place. I love her more than anything, but i have suffered a lot in our relationship from dealing with our god awful start to our relationship. Even before her, i have had awful self esteem issues, depression problems, and even some self destructive behavior. This does hurt me alot, and i will set aside my feelings until she feels better because that is my #1 priority. After that, the only person that can heal my pain is her (the only person who has EVER made me feel good about myself is her, and a little my parents), and that is unfair to her.

I am really lost. Sorry if this might make absolutely no sense at all. Just on the spot typing. But what i know for sure, is that i will do whatever i can to make her feel better, and make sure she doesnt resort to her old ways.
Lazer, we only have what you have written to go on. When I first read this I too called BS. Then I went and read some of your past posts and I'm so sorry but this girl seems like a drama queen and not just any drama queen but a lying drama queen. It isn't a coincidence that you guys were fighting and then she came up with this story.

Where ever the truth lay, you have a young woman on your hands with some major issues. The chance of you ever getting enough factual information about her, positively of negatively, is unlikely. If then you were able to appropriately "treat" her past, much less fix it...would honestly take a very good therapist that she trusts, and she could see on an ongoing basis, for some time.

Rape is a very serious crime, and the lack of evidence doesn't sound right at all. Typically the victim would draw attention, and if police were involved, she would most likely be transported to a hospital for a "rape kit". This would be all part of a police/hospital report...

I have never heard of a women, crawling out of the bushes, after being raped, being told by the police "not to tell". It is not logical.
I know the tendency for many guys is to be "fixers". They seek out women with issues so that they can feel needed and wanted by their girlfriends. However, the problem with that is that in many cases, these problems run too deep and are too ancient for any one guy to fix them. It's the kind of stuff that requires professional therapy, something that the average guy can't provide to any woman, no matter how much he might want to help her.

Your girlfriend has had these problems for a long time. She isn't just going to snap out of it and become the ideal gf. Until she deals with everything that has happened to her in her past, all she has done is band-aid the situation, which has caused a ton of problems in your relationship already.

I know you really want to believe her that she is telling you the truth, but none of the evidence you have presented is in any way conclusive. As to the bleeding situation, how do you know she isn't on her period? Is she on the Pill? It could be breakthrough bleeding. Could she possibly have recently taken Plan B? Again, that could cause breakthrough bleeding. It's just not conclusive definite evidence to support her story.

That piece of paper? It could be anything. Since you didn't actually look at it, then you have no way of knowing what it was. I've seen police reports before, it's usually more than one page. I was a witness to a crime once and had to make a statement to the police. I got a copy of the report. It isn't just some random piece of paper.

I'm sorry because I know this is a difficult situation for you. I just hope that you will consider the possibility that perhaps she has very deep issues and made it up because you told her you wanted a break. Is that a crappy thing for her to do? Absolutely!! But you said yourself that you had a lot of trouble beleiving her when she first told you. Just remember that women aren't the only ones who have an intuition about stuff. Guys are capable of having that sixth sense about stuff, too. You have a right to question this. She has yet to provide you any real evidence that this actually happened.
Lazer, I don't believe her story either. Does it not seem suspicious to you at all that as soon as you two had broken up, she just happened to be left on a secluded beach and someone came along and raped her? Given her past history of lies and drama, her story is not believable. She loves attention and loves being the victim. I know you don't want to hear that so I'll go on to my second point.

You should take our advice and get out of this relationship while you can. This girl has some serious mental issues. Now she thinks a male therapist will come on to her? Should she decide to go to counseling, I wouldn't put it past her to make up accusations against the therapist.

Do you need all this drama in your life? She's a head case. RUN!!!

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:34 PM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!