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Its hard for me to make this topic because its so hard to put this into words. We have been dating for 2 years and a month, and things lately have been really bad (lately meaning the past month and a half). We got into a really big argument, and she said some mean things to me, and i decided i need a day or two apart to decide if we can continue our relationship. Well the next day, her brother knew we were fighting so he took her to the beach to keep her mind off things. Well after awhile, her brother left to grab some food and said he would come right back, and she got bored and started to head to her car. In daylight, someone attacked her and raped her. It was a stranger, and the police believe it was a tourist.

She lied to me recently about it, she made up some crazy story about something that happened on the beach, then she made up a bunch of things. She says the police told her not to tell anyone, especially me because people have a habit of acting wrong and making the situation worse for her, or trying to take it into their own hands.

This is the second time she was seriously raped. First time when she was 13 by a stranger, and she had to get an abortion. She resorted to promiscuous behavior and abusing drugs and alcohol for a few years. I met her when she was about to be 17, and i was 18. It was a very rough relationship, because i had to deal with her telling me stories about other guys, dressing overly revealing, and me being horribly insecure thinking she was cheating on me because of the way she acted. Two years later, she thanks me all the time because she claims i brought the real her back to life, she doesnt do stupid things, she doesnt act bad, and she acts like a normal happy person. She tells me all the time that i "saved her life".

When it comes to the first attack though. The first one never bothered me, the situation i mean, but the fact that she resorted to doing bad things and began to ruin her life is what did. None of it bothered me, because the way i see it, its not her fault, she had no control. Second attack that just happened recently, i feel the same, it doesnt bother me too much, but i am worried about her.

(What i want for her)
I want to be there for her to help her, but i dont know what to do. I really dont want to see her ruin her life again through drugs, alcohol, or whatever. I thought about taking her to Florida to an amusement park, like we talked recently about it before anything happened, but i just cannot afford it and nobody will help me out. I want to do something for her, i keep trying to be honest with her, and tell her it doesnt bother me, what bothers me is whats going on in her head right now. She is an amazing person, who was lost because someone violated her at a young age, but i brought it back. Now i am afraid it will go away again. She claims she has wanted to hurt herself and do drugs, but she said she got really close, but turned away in the end.

(What i feel honestly about this)
To be true to myself. I feel like its 95% my fault, if we werent fighting, she wouldnt have had to be there. I feel like i am 95% to blame, 5% to her brother leaving her alone. Also, to be true to myself. It really does bother me, but in an abnormal way. I have been insecure with our relationship, to the point where when anyone checks her out when we are out in public, it destroys me, makes me furious, and completely hate myself. I am afraid that after this has happened, i might lose it if a guy is looking at her, because cognitively i will assume they want to hurt her. I am afraid our relationship was already really broken before this happened, but it was fixable. Now i REALLY want to help her through this, and make her feel like the amazing person she is. But i feel like after she feels better, i need to leave her and get away from this place. I love her more than anything, but i have suffered a lot in our relationship from dealing with our god awful start to our relationship. Even before her, i have had awful self esteem issues, depression problems, and even some self destructive behavior. This does hurt me alot, and i will set aside my feelings until she feels better because that is my #1 priority. After that, the only person that can heal my pain is her (the only person who has EVER made me feel good about myself is her, and a little my parents), and that is unfair to her.

I am really lost. Sorry if this might make absolutely no sense at all. Just on the spot typing. But what i know for sure, is that i will do whatever i can to make her feel better, and make sure she doesnt resort to her old ways.
Whether or not this girl was raped is not clear to me I don't know her or you, I was a rape victim myself my reaction was very different from hers, I didn't tell anyone. I was 15 when it happened and Im 22 now the only person I ever told is my husband a few months ago just before our wedding. For a long time I felt ashamed like it was my fault. Please do not accuse her directly of lying be as subtle as possible if you try to confirm this. If she was raped the last thing she needs is accusations. One thing you said in your first post that bothers me is you say the rape is 95% your fault and 5% her brother's fault. If there was a rape it is 100% the rapist's fault and when you deal with her you must make that clear, because if she was raped she maybe feeling it's her fault, in her head she may think she didn't fight hard enough or she acted in a way that brought it on herself, you must help her see that it is the rapist's fault, placing the blame on you and her brother wont help. It is not your fault and the best thing you can do is just be supportive talk to her about it when she wants to talk, listen when she needs you to and don't pry.
Lazer, I'm inclined to agree with the others here. Having been mixed up with someone very needy myself I see a lot of parallels here. I wouldn't mind betting that if you gave this girl a wide bearth something else dramatic would happen to her to try and garner your attention.

Even if she were genuinely raped, and even if she did get counselling, I think the chances are that this person would then move on from you anyway. The only difference being that she'd have had you to lean on right up until that point.

I've experienced a similar thing - a woman who I thought wouldn't say A, B, C about me got progressively more outlandish in the things she was coming out with. Very early on she told me her husband had raped her. It was a lie. Whenever I took space from her outbursts as you had done, she'd suddenly start citing all these loving feelings she "couldn't" articulate before, or she'd suddenly need emotional help. Worse, people like this can be nice as pie one minute and totally turn on you the next. From what your initial post said it sounds like this girl is rather like that. Maybe she didn't mean to be mean to you, but the fact is she was, and one day you'll run out of chances you can give her. Take it from a man who's gone grey trying to support a headcase, you're better off out of it.

You may think you can try and help, you may even feel some sense of duty to try and help because you've been together. I doubt you can. Consciously or otherwise (it can be so hard to tell!) this woman is manipulating you.

In my view, a woman who was raped wouldn't be too keen to show you the blood to try and prove her story. Very little of what you've said stacks up. The only proof you've got comes from her lips, and your own interpretation of a piece of paper, and as I've found out myself, the word of someone volatile isn't worth much at all.





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