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So I'm 22 and i've been dating this girl for a little over a year and a half and we both love each other very much. We're like each others best friend as well as girlfriend/boyfriend. We have no problem talking to each other for hours every day, even several times a day.

This gets long, if you don't want to read it all just read the bold parts

But there seems to be something wrong with me that I can't seem get myself to completely stop doing and it could ruin our relationship. Last night she spent the night at my house for the first time (she's 19 and still lives with her parents, so she can't always just do whatever she wants in her house hold) which was a completely surreal experience since her parents told her they were fine with it. The entire week before last night we were both really excited about staying the night. All day yesterday we were doing really nice things. We went to a really nice restaurant, went dancing (first time dancing ever for me) , then went back to my house.

Now I had never had a girl sleep over before and she had never slept in a bed with anyone before either. Anyways, the night went on, we both fell asleep and woke up the next morning. But when we did she was clearly sad, bummed, upset about something. She told me it was because I make her feel like I don't like her. Where she got this feeling was from last night when we were laying in bed she felt like I wasn't cuddling with her enough, she said I only cuddle with her when I want something. And that she wanted me to hold her while we slept. Then in the morning when we were laying in bed she was lightly touching me on the face and arms and chest and playing with my hair. By the time we got out of bed she was visibly saddened.

Her reasoning's for these feelings are because the whole night she felt like I didn't want to hold her hand, that I was embarrassed to be seen with her, i was unable to stay comfortable holding her while trying to fall asleep, and in the morning when she was touching me I was flinching sometimes, making noises other times and other times would rub where she touched me.

We've kind of had these problems before. She's been my first serious girlfriend and the first girl i've really loved. But because I'm so inexperienced with love you could say I'm still new to the hand holding and touchy feely thing. On top of that I'm like a new born to sleeping in a bed with someone.

I guess you may be thinking that a year and a half is long enough to get use to hand holding and being touchy. But I'm a really slow person to get use to anything and I have a nervous personality. I wouldn't say I'm antisocial by any means, but I do get uncomfortable easily. But she knows this. But what I'm trying to get at is that I feel like I have gotten better at the hand holding thing than I was a year ago, and I felt like I held her hand a lot last night. Then with the touchy feely thing, I really like it when she touches me or plays with my hair, but sometimes honestly, especially when she lightly touches me it makes me itch. So naturally I itch it. Other times I don't like where she touches me, and then when I make a noise when she touches me I do it to try to be "cute and funny".

Apparently none of this comes across to her. What she told me tonight, this morning when I was doing all those thing mentioned above she took it as I don't want her to touch me, that I want to be left alone. She said it gave her a cold feeling that she wasn't wanted. It all really boiled down to I didn't make her feel special. She told me that the first time she spends the night with someone, she really wanted it to be a special moment. Now I feel like I've let her down. But there was no way I could have stayed holding on to her while sleeping, it wasn't very comfortable for very long. Every time I rolled over to get into a comfortable position she would ask me to snuggle her. There was a point when I couldn't keep doing it. Then I had so much trouble sleeping that I was exhausted in the morning while she was mostly rested. So she was awake and wanted to cuddle while I could hardly keep my eyes open for very long for the first few hours this morning. Its like she built sleeping in my bed into this super special moment that I failed to deliver on.

[B]To summarize[/B] it all she says I don't make her feel special. She said she doesn't feel like i've grown enough sometimes to have a serious relationship. She said that if she ever has another boyfriend that holds her hand all the time she's going to be in shock by it because she'll be so use to me. We've had this similar conversation before about hand holding and little things like that. Last time I told her I would change, which I believe I have changed some. But apparently it wasn't a big enough change. So I promised her this time would be different and that I really understand what she wants now. But she was so upset tonight that she felt like I was just saying it, and that i've said it before.

I'm already thinking of all the romantic things I can do for her on the vacation and in between then (she also says im not a very romantic person at all). And tomorrow morning I think i'm going to bring her flowers as well as some for her mom being mothers day and all.

[B]I really don't want to loose this girl. Is there something wrong with me though? Is it normal for people to snuggle the entire time in bed? Is it not normal to not hold someones hand the entire time you're out with them, or to not want to show large amounts of public displays of affection? What can I do to improve?[/B]





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