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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3990078]How exactly is breaking your marriage vows, turning away from your marriage and breaking your wife's trust and heart "keeping the family safe?"

I can't even understand how a man can say he truly loves one woman and still sleep with another. I can't even wrap my mind around that.

This just proves the point that's been made, that the whole "it's just sex" thing is easier for men than women.
[/QUOTE]

First, 'keeping the family safe' is not damaging your family for an affair. It's something like "OK, I can't help by being a screw up, but I won't destroy my family because of it".

My ex is female, she had sex with another man during our relationship, the day after my birthday, the days I was taking care of our son of 3 y/o while she was out on a "concert", and so and so.

When I found out, I offered her another chance, she said it was only about the sex, so I asked her to cut out the affair. She wasn't willing to do it. Neither for me, nor for our kid, not even for the "love" she said she felt for me.

She even got pregnant, and it seems that the child was mine (I made mistakes when she was "confused"). She got an abortion at her lover's place.

Now that a month has passed, she is trying to come back, she says she loves me, that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She's surely realizing that she has no future with the other guy, I don't know, and anyway I'm not willing to go through that again, ever. At one moment she's all romantic, and the next she's threating to report me for domestic violence (!) if I don't go back to her. OK, so during these years I was so violent, and she wants to come back to that? Hmmm.

[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3990078]
Like you said, "keeping the family safe," like the family can only be safe with him, and no one can look after the family and provide for the family like him...[/QUOTE]

That's not what I meant. I wish my ex would have thought of the consequences before screwing around. And even if that was impossible, I wish she would have thought of her kid and manage things differently. I'm not even saying she should have chosen me, I only say she should have thought about her kid a little more and managed things differently.
She treated me like shit when I begged her to stay and to think about her kid. She said many things about her encounters that I'll never be able to forget (surely thinking that if she hurt me enough, I wouldn't be begging and disrupting her fun). When everything was so confusing for us, she was still meeting with the other guy at the same time.
And now she wants me back! What I mean about 'keeping the family safe' is this: to make sure you think everything through and think about the damage you're about to do to your family if you decide to leave. You can make mistakes, but not involving your family in it is what really matters.





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