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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Hey, My name is Alyssa and I am going to be turning 19 next month. My boyfriend and i started dating almost 2 years ago. I was 17 and going to be a senior in highschool and my boyfriend just graduated school and had already decided that he was going to a college about 3 hours away. So we were together for the summer and then he went off to school and we did a long distance relationship my whole senior year and his first year at college. It was really hard, i had a lot of insecurities or what was going on up there, who he was hanging out with, but we made it through it. He came home a fair amount of weekends and i would go visit him as well. When i graduated highschool he was back home for the summer of college. I decided to go to cosmetology school and the school that i was set on had a location up north in the same city as his college. My best friend was moving up there too so it worked out great. We were finally done with the long distance and it was sooo great! Well the year went by fast and I just came back home and now he is going to be back at the end of this week. Now i am ready to go to an actual college in the fall. I want to just get generals done at a community college for a start. My parents want me to stay home and go to college here (they were helping out with the rent last year and it would be cheaper for both of us if i stayed home). There is a community college in the city my boyfriend is in as well. I was willing to talk to my parents and go to the school up north, but thats going to be a committment for another 2 years. The big problem is, that roommate that i was with all this last year is moving to another state, and everyone else i already know has somewhere to live already. I have no one to room with and cannot afford living by myself. I told my boyfriend that i am willing to make another 2 year committment to come up there, but can he make a committment to live with me or at least in the same house with other people or something. We talked about it, and having our own bedrooms, and living with other people, so its less dramatic of a step. Problem was, his parents are paying for all of his schooling and all of his rent. He is turning 21 this week but his parents obviously have the overall say. They told him no and if he did that they would stop paying for his college. He asked why they are so against it and they said 'we had friends that did that in school and she ended up getting pregnant and they dropped out.' What i dont understand is that, okay we are going to have sex whether we live with eachother or not, and if their main concern is that he will drop out, why would they threaten to stop paying for his school? Its very frustrating because i dont think i could handle the long distance relationship again. It would be so hard to go back, and he is on a ski team and has ski races every weekend of the winter and the weekends would be the time to see eachother. I am in a really frustrated situation and i talk to my parents about it, and they support me. They have my back financially, but they still respect the fact that i am an adult and am going to make my own choices and learn from my own mistakes. I love my boyfriend do death and i just dont know what to do about it anymore. my education is important to me, but at the same time its just community college so it doesnt make a different what school i go to, but i dont want to have to be the girl that follows her boyfriend around and ends up living with complete random people on the way just for him and because he cant live with me. I dont know what to do. I dont want to lose him and what he have, and i dont want to put myself through a long distance relationship, and i dont know what else he can either? We talked about him transfering to a college back in this area but he is going to a good school and doesnt want to go to a worse school and the only other school in this area thats good is REALLY good and chances that he would get accepted are super slim. I just have no idea where to go at this point. If i did end up moving to be with him again and something happened to us, i would regret it for the rest of my life. i am okay with making big committments for him, but it has to be mutual. PLEASE HELP!

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