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LOL I keep getting "he was a jerk and didn't treat you right, why aren't you over him yet?" Keep in mind we split 3 weeks ago and had been together for 4 years. Apparently since he was a jerk to me, causing the breakup, my feelings for him should disappear in a puff of smoke instantly. Would that it could be that way!

Fortunately I do have some great supportive friends (one in particular and she knows who she is), but I find that most of them lose patience with hearing about my breakup, so I can't mention it anymore even though it's been on my mind. I politely told those friends that I am working on it in a way that I know is best for me, and since I'm not sitting in a dark room with the covers over my head crying and starving myself over him, I think I'm doing pretty good. But they want me to "get over it!".

I know they mean well, so I don't get truly angry, just a little frustrated...but I know they love me and I love them.

Sometimes, your friends don't quite know the right thing to say, but they are trying. At least they care enough to try, even if it's not quite what you need right now.
[QUOTE=Redneon82;3983209]LOL I keep getting "he was a jerk and didn't treat you right, why aren't you over him yet?" Keep in mind we split 3 weeks ago and had been together for 4 years. Apparently since he was a jerk to me, causing the breakup, my feelings for him should disappear in a puff of smoke instantly. Would that it could be that way!

Fortunately I do have some great supportive friends (one in particular and she knows who she is), but I find that most of them lose patience with hearing about my breakup, so I can't mention it anymore even though it's been on my mind. I politely told those friends that I am working on it in a way that I know is best for me, and since I'm not sitting in a dark room with the covers over my head crying and starving myself over him, I think I'm doing pretty good. But they want me to "get over it!".

I know they mean well, so I don't get truly angry, just a little frustrated...but I know they love me and I love them.

Sometimes, your friends don't quite know the right thing to say, but they are trying. At least they care enough to try, even if it's not quite what you need right now.[/QUOTE]

You are so right. The "get over it" has been said to me more than I care to hear, . . . and it is the worst thing to say, in my opinion. It is as if we can just shut our brains off of what happened and start smiling, joking, and acting normal at the snap of a finger.

I am sorry for what you're going through. You know I can empathize. And like you, I feel that my friends and family are [also] getting tired of my depression and talks. Too bad people can't persevere WITH someone in pain, huh?

*hugs*
[QUOTE=EDC_Light;3983256]You are so right. The "get over it" has been said to me more than I care to hear, . . . and it is the worst thing to say, in my opinion. It is as if we can just shut our brains off of what happened and start smiling, joking, and acting normal at the snap of a finger.

I am sorry for what you're going through. You know I can empathize. And like you, I feel that my friends and family are [also] getting tired of my depression and talks. Too bad people can't persevere WITH someone in pain, huh?

*hugs*[/QUOTE]

EDC, I think most people truly just don't know what to say or do. They are trying to be helpful, in my case by pointing out what a jerk this guy is and how I'm better off without him. I have said that my brain knows this, but my emotions are lagging a bit behind. I will get there, I just know that 3 weeks isn't enough time to "get over" a 4 year relationship. But I also know I won't feel bad forever, and that life holds more chances for me. It does for you too.

Just keep reminding yourself that this is temporary and you will feel better someday soon. Accept your pain, allow yourself to feel it, then when you're ready, you can go on with your life.
Personally, I don't think there's [I]anything[/I] that [I]anyone[/I] could say to make you feel better. My ex of 2 years, ended things for a second time three and a half weeks ago, and I've heard sooo many "make you feel better" phrase attempts.

My friends have recently tried:
"He dumped you because he had nothing to compare you to, and he'll someday realize you're the best he'll ever get," or, "You can do soooo much better!" and "Everyone wondered what in the world you were doing with him, let some other girl deal with his bull-crap!"

My mom says stuff like:
"Get over him. He is double ugly." Mean, but made me laugh.

Sometimes those statements do make me feel better, but only temporarily. But my mom and friends are definitely there to let my cry (which I've been doing ALL WEEK :( ), and to just sit there and [I]listen[/I] which has been the most helpful thing!

I think friends say things they truly think will make you feel a tad bit better. Even if it's corny or whatever, it's a sincere attempt.
I'm not really a romantic, I'm usually satisfied with "Mr. Right Now" rather than looking for a lifelong partner, but then I'm older. I just wasn't ready to let this particular "Mr. Right Now" go, because although I make it sound like my relationships are all casual, I always have true feelings for my partners. This one, I'd known him for 15 years, dated him for a year or so, it didn't work out so I went on to someone else, then 5 years later, we reconciled because, as he said "I didn't know what I had". So I fell in love and again it didn't work out for various reasons, mostly involving him lying and hiding things from me, so here we are again. My friends were already impatient with me for giving him another chance, so I also have to hear the "I told you so's!", said with such glee. Like, it makes them feel good that they were right that my heart would get stomped on again. Talk about not being helpful...I'm already hurting so let's push the knife in a little further! Those friends don't mean well, but fortunately they are a small number.

I think when my friends have gone through this, I try to just hug them and say, well, [B][U]I[/U][/B] love you! And let them know they can call, come over, whatever, and I'll be there. One of my good friends went through an awful divorce and was on the phone to me for HOURS...but now, he's nowhere to be found because he's one of the "told you so!" people. It's upsetting...
True words, pendulum. However, maybe I speak my feelings TOO much. I often wonder how my friends and family think about my feelings. Someone DID tell me, a while back, that I was brutally honest. I sort of took it as a compliment. Here's a phrase I've been thinking lately. "Do I just NOT get it, . . . or am I just MORE honest than others?" Perhaps a bit of both, I'll admit.

Today, I saw her from down the street [we work in the same company, but I normally don't see her]. It was painful all over again. I know she had those things about her that I was uncomfortable with [the personality test, harping on how I should be doing this or that, the way SHE thought I should, frequently psycho-analyzing, and OVER analyzing me and my family, etc.], . . . but she was someone that I was intimate with, and it makes it very hard to see her, because of THAT desire. She wasn't all bad, . . . we shared many good times as well, and that's another part that I am REALLY missing, . . . as I go back to my apartment, there by myself.

I'm just going to have to understand that I made the mistake of letting myself get involved with her, and that she works where I do, so I will probably see her from time to time. Sucks, . . . but I will have to deal with it. :(
It is possible that her friends talked her out of it, . . .and her 'over-analytical characteristics' took over from there. I would have made her a wonderful boyfriend and potential spouse. But I'm not going to be pathetic by trying to work my way back in. I have my face to save, you know!

I hope I get over all this soon. It is tough to feel this way, AND try to be around people, without making them uncomfortable. I think that, from now on, I will TRY to bare my pain alone.
[QUOTE=EDC_Light;3984611]It is possible that her friends talked her out of it, . . .and her 'over-analytical characteristics' took over from there. I would have made her a wonderful boyfriend and potential spouse. But I'm not going to be pathetic by trying to work my way back in. I have my face to save, you know!

I hope I get over all this soon. It is tough to feel this way, AND try to be around people, without making them uncomfortable. I think that, from now on, I will TRY to bare my pain alone.[/QUOTE]

yeah EDC and I would have made the guy I wanted to be with the best girlfriend ever too.....however they just don't see it that way....
don't try to bear your pain alone.....when they say a "feel better phrase" to you next time, just say thank you and change the subject.
:angel:
Talk to us! Obviously there are quite a few of us going through the same thing, and I for one am not going to tell you "get over it!".

I hope you are able to get through your pain soon and begin to enjoy life again. I hope that the future will bring you happiness. And I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.
It really DOES make a person more empathetic to others. I can relate well to those who are going through divorce, or just a broken relationship that meant something special to that person. You know, I heard a saying, once on a movie, "Some experiences can't be learned, but only lived to fully understand". I wish I hadn't experienced them, but those who haven't should take that into consideration before attempting to help where they haven't gone.

This pain I feel. . . . will go away eventually, as will the pain that those who have posted here. It doesn't mean that TODAY will be a good day, . . . but today will be over and maybe that turn around will be tomorrow.

Last night, my brother tried to give me the "just get over it" line [again]. I mentioned this thread and how such lines hurt more than help, and that it is MORE helpful to just say the "Is sucks, I'm here for you" line instead. I think he may have understood because the conversation turned to other topics.
its hard to get over a break up....but really. the truth is , time will heal the wound.

I dont know how old you are, but its important at my age that I dont look at it like the end of the world, I realized right now is the time to concentrate on me and my future and be "rightfully" selfish.

I date around, but am not looking for a gf anymore....however I am not a player ...I treat them all with respect and care and explain to them what I am looking for, a positive female influence.

Relationships tend to fall apart after one witnesses too much from a person. Its a game, the loser gets their heart broken, and the winner can basically care less and get over it quickly...

No one understands how your emotions feel more then you, while some are available to talk to, no one has the perfect answer.

Time does.

Find a hobby, or use this time to get in contact with a relative. It will pass, trust me, and you'll be better prepared for it in the future.





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